Tag: school lunches

Not an exact rendering of the Senate cafeteria.

Nice Time! Schools — And The Feds! — Rethinking That Whole ‘Starve Poor Kids’ Thing

When I was hungry, you stamped 'I Need Lunch Money' on my arm and sent me home.

We’ve Seen Trump’s Education Budget, And We’re Really Gonna Miss Public Schools

Huh. Guess we don't need no education, for reals.
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Take Away Our Liberty

Deleted Comments: Don’t Call Trump Supporters Thugs. They’ll Kick Your Pinko Ass

Greetings, Ye Wonkers! We're back with all the comments that weren't fit to keep printed, and we've got a bit of a backlog to work through. Fortunately, there's no expiration date on deleted comments: They're usually rancid to start...

Chris Christie Promises Kids They Can Eat All His Ice Cream For Lunch When He’s President

Maybe the reason Chris Christie's presidential campaign is about to keel over and die is because he's pandering to the wrong people: Chris Christie has a message for elementary students who miss school lunches like square pizza and crispy tacos nixed...

Michelle Obama Will Say Cusses Until You Eat Your Effin’ Vegetables

OH HEY, Wonkers, it is Friday, which means we usually like to throatcram you with NICE TIME, so here's one! Your first lady, Michelle Hussein Obama, is at it again, trying to force US Americans to maybe move their...
curricu-yum

Heroic Texas Ag Commissioner Will Save Children From Spending A Few Hours Without Fried Food

If Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller gets his way, the state’s 10-year ban on deep fryers and soda machines in public schools will disappear like $10 elastic waist jeans from a Walmart clearance bin. In a letter to the editor...
At this point the governor does not know she has greasy Vaseline lube in her purse.

In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline

Maine governor Paul LePage is a real shitbag. In 2013, he said a mean about Democratic state senator Troy Jackson, specifically that Jackson does rude things to Mainers in their butts, or more precisely that he "claims to be...

Super Nice Time: Texas Man Pays Off Delinquent Student Lunch Accounts So Kids Can Eat

It's Friday afternoon. You're either immersed in the Olympics or avoiding the Olympics or drunk already or a combo of the two. Why not take a break from all that and join us for some totally legit nice time? You...

Heartlessly Ripping Food Out Of The Hands Of Hungry Children, Utah Edition

You know, it's been like a whole day or something since we wrote about terrible people being terrible by literally tearing school lunches out of the hands of poor schoolchildren or also too literally marking them so that everyone...

Snipy’s Halcyon Days At Yr Wonkette Were Far Too Few

Once upon a time, I had a dream. It wasn't like a Martin Luther King Jr. type get to the mountaintop dream. It was just one of your run-of-the-mill approaching middle age staring into the existential maw and wishing...

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth

Welcome to another edition of our Derp Roundup, that collection of virtual floor sweepings that are too stoopid to completely ignore but not worth a full-length post. To start with, let's give an Excellence In Trolling medal to the...

West Virginia Rep. To Taker Schoolkids: Let Them Eat Janitoring

Wonket is fast becoming your go-to source for news you can use about horrible schools and horrible people that don't want to feed poor schoolkids. This is not what we dreamed of writing about when we were little. (What...

Bob Dole A Total Communist Now, Apparently

Here is a nice remembrance of George McGovern from his friend, Bob Dole. ("BOB DOLE!") It is one of those pieces where old men talk about how things were so much better in their day, when after a long...