Tag: roland burris

what a drag it is getting sold

A Lot Of Americans Making Black Friday Green With Trips To Pot Stores. While Others…

Black Friday funtimes (and just a couple of deaths) hooray!

Roland Burris To Be the Best Mayor of Chicago Ever

Supporters of Roland W. Burris, who is packing up his United States Senate office this week to come home to Chicago, have filed the necessary paperwork so that he may seek the city’s top job. Mr. Burris, who was...

Roland Burris Wants To Run For Re-Election, But Only To Finish Glorious Term

Earlier this year, a court ruled that Roland Burris could not run in a special election to finish out the final weeks of his term, from the November election until the new Congress meets. The court said that was...

Roland Burris Devastates Senate With A B A B Rhyme Scheme

Watch maudlin narcissist Roland Burris read a "health care-themed" iteration of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" on the Senate floor. "We'll clog up the Senate, they cried with a grin/And in the midterm elections, we'll get voted in!" Chilling....

ROLAND BURRIS WON’T RUN FOR SENATE!!!

Illinois political legend and pyramid builder Roland Burris will not run for re-election in 2010, according to various Chicago street organizers. And, because he wasn't elected in the first place, he will also not do that, run for election....

Roland Burris Hiding From Feds In Gay Pride Parades

Wonkette's "Gay, In Chicago" Operative "ManofSteel" attended his city's fancy Gay Pride Parade this weekend, for fun, and who did he see there but U.S. "Senator for Life" Roland Burris! Here's our leader in some fancy rich man's car....

Hero Senator Burris Will Not Be Accused Of Perjury

Not enough evidence, apparently: "Sangamon County State's Attorney John Schmidt said that while some of Burris' statements were vague, they wouldn't support a perjury charge." Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who at first appeared to be just another grandstanding egomaniacal...

Important Chicago Newspaper Offers Pinocchio Paper Doll of Roland Burris

Who says nobody needs yesterday's news and a bunch of old wire stories and couch ads thrown in your neighbor's bird bath at 4:15 a.m. every day? The Chicago Tribune, one of our nation's leading bankrupt newspapers, today offers...

FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, "The U.S. Attorney's Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources...

Chris Matthews Spends An Eternity Badgering Roland Burris On ‘Hardball’

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy A wise man once said, "Do not watch television. It will only make you sad and empty." And here is proof: 20 agonizing minutes of Chris Matthews shouting...

Iconic Image Of Roland Burris Found In Chicago

Lauri Apple! She's that artist who did the wonderful picture of Rod Blagojevich parachuting himself there! Now she has produced a little drawing of Roland Burris, which is great, because we were getting sick of using the old video...

Burris Apparently Gearing Up For 2010 Re-election Bid

Ha! We get a tip that says "oh, good grief" with a link to some page called "Support Burris," and we figured it was just some dumb petition to try to keep Roland Burris in office even though his...

Another Week, Another Batch Of Terrifying Demon-Things

By the Comics CurmudgeonRemember back in the good old days, when our leaders were generally believed to walk on two legs, to not be covered with viscous mucus, and to have been born from human women in the normal...

Rod Blagojevich Solely Responsible For Employment Of Entire Burris Family

"SCANDAL MUSHROOMS," reports the Chicago Sun-Times, and indeed, this scandal is off the hook, mushroom-wise. Latest revelation: "The son of embattled Sen. Roland Burris is a federal tax deadbeat who landed a $75,000-a-year state job under former Gov. Rod...

VITTER TELLS SENATOR TO RESIGN: Ha ha, why did David Vitter have to embarrass America and himself today by telling Roland Burris -- another United States Senator -- to resign, for ethics? Trash, both of them. Thank you to...

Former Burris Consultant: ‘Don’t Blame Me’

Roland Burris! This guy! The respected Chicago politician who has his own glamorous mausoleum already built and who repeatedly lost in his many attempts at seeking a public office higher than dog catcher managed to weasel his way into...