Tag: President

'The Third of May 1808' by Francisco de Goya

Of Course Trump Loves This Fucking Bonkers NSC Memo Calling For Civil War

Let's really, really hope this is the most insane thing you read about today.

Here’s A Video Of What Trump’s Five Minute Standing Ovation At The CIA Might Have Looked Like, For Science!

Donald Trump got the greatest ovation in history probably.

Imagine, If You Dare, A World Where Trump Was A Disciplined Campaigner

Looks like Alex would like us to yell at him again.
Also, they're not so crazy about his followers

Trump Tells Roomful Of Nevadans They Say ‘Nevada’ Wrong, Because Why Not At This Point?

Donald Trump isn't your "typical politician" in much the same way that an empty beer can smooshed between two mummified rats isn't your "typical sandwich." This beer-can-between-rats quality was again on display at a campaign stop in Reno, Nevada, Wednesday night, when...

Let’s Imagine: Michele Bachmann Advises Donald Trump On Foreign Policy

The helicopter soared over the Minnesota woods like a huge machine designed for that purpose. Inside were Donald J. Trump and his pilot, Golden Pilot, a gold plated human pilot who was very expensive. “Golden Pilot,” said Trump. “Yes, Mr. Trump?”...

You Won’t Be Laughing When God Makes Koran-Burning Preacherman President, Muslims!

For a minute there we were worried that next year’s presidential race would be impossibly dull, which would be Bad for Yr Wonkette. Sure, Rick Santorum and Carly Fiorina and Rand Paul and Ted Cruz and Ben Carson and...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Aaron Schock will no longer be in Congress but is yes longer be in trouble with the Feds, Barack Obama thinks everyone should be required to...

Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette

Here at yr Wonkette, we're always brainstorming new ways to amuse and confound you. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this thing! It is called The Weekend Stock Photo Report With Weekend S. Photo! It is kind...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like

Sarah Palin went to Iowa this weekend. Is she running for President? She's not not running for President, she can tell you that much! How not-uninterested is she, Washington Post? “I am. As I said yesterday, I’m really interested in...

Maryland Gov Martin O’Malley Reduced To Begging On The Streets For Dimes

Holy crap, 2016 fundraising is rough, especially if you are a Democrat not named Hillary Clinton. How rough? Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley spent the weekend engaging in his most aggressive push for campaign cash yet, and his office refuses...

Please Oh Please Run For President, Bernie Sanders

Earlier this month, Bernie Sanders told The Nation's John Nichols that he is "prepared to run for President of the United States," and now we are treated to a reminder of how awesome that would be every time we...

Harry Reid Wants To Save Nevada Prostitutes From 2016 Republican National Convention

Even though our Kenyan Dictator B. Barry Bamz was re-crowned only last year, it is already time to start thinking about the next Presidential election, which also means it is still time to stab ourselves in the eye with...

Arnold Schwarzenegger Seeks Permission To Outsource White House To Foreigners

Americans, we need to band together. Not you fake-Americans what who love the gehys and messicans and blahs and all the creepy different people who are ruining this country white folk rightly earned by killing off the people who...

This Time He Means It About Running For President, Lies Donald Trump

The ratings for the network television programme "Mister Trump's Funtimes Band of Drug Addicts With Assorted Levels of Brain Damage" must be in le shitter, again, because it is once more time for the quadrennial favorite, "Donald Trump pretends...

Already Focused On Losing In 2016, Republicans Want Paul Ryan For President

Here's a poll from Gallup that nicely encapsulates why the Republican party is so screwed: Among Republicans, Paul Ryan is the top choice out of five prospective candidates to lose the presidency to Hillary in 2016 (the others were,...

Michele Bachman Opposes Immigration Reform Because Messicans Are All Gay for Democrats

Shelly is back! Without leaving!  After announcing her retirement, rivers of tears flooded the Wonket seekrit chatcave at the loss of such a proud Swiss-American leaving Congress to do who-knows-what (raise 84 more children? Destroy local school boards? Go...