Tag: phil robertson

Man has got to have a code.

Filipino Donald Trump OK With Being Called ‘Hitler,’ As Long As He Slaughters The Right People

The President of the Philippines seems determined to apply Godwin's Law to himself.

Rich Person Phil Robertson: Flood Victims Should Just Move If They Don’t Like The Water

The founders NEVER would have wanted to help flood victims, Robertson says.

Phil Robertson Wants To Be Trump’s Spiritual Advisor, Has Some Real Neat Ideas

He says we could stop ISIS from killing Americans if only we outlawed abortion!

Checkmate, Atheists! Duck Dynasty Dude Says Jesus Existed Because Calendars

Noted public intellectual Phil Robertson, of the Duck Dynasty Robertsons, spoke at the Western Conservative Summit in Denver this weekend, and there he laid down a very strong argument for the historical existence of Jesus. Did he bring up...

Phil Robertson Dumbfounded You Idiots Are Mistaking His ‘Common Sense’ For ‘Bigotry’

Hey! Here is a big surprise! Phil Robertson is once again mad that people think he is a bigot just because he is obstinately devoted to his own prejudices and would prefer to treat the members of a certain...

Bristol Palin Knows Who Has A Penis And Who Has A Vagina

It was just another day at the office at Bristol Palin Writin' Stuff Real Good Industries, LLC. Bristol was mad, because her personal assistant had gotten her lunch order wrong. Two KFC Double Downs, a bottle of Boone's Farm...
Glamour Shots, maybe.

Dumb Duck Dynasty Dude Wants All The Queer-Lovers Dead, We Guess

It's been a while since we've had a legit reason to check in with Phil Robertson, the boy matriarch of the "Duck Dynasty" teevee family (motto: Like the Duggars, but furrier!). And breaking news, but he still hates him...
Your new homosexual overlords.

Houston Votes On Whether Gays Should Be Allowed To Live, Breathe

It's a big day in Houston! It's time to go to the polls (if you're a good person who loves ALL people) and vote YES on Proposition 1, which would enshrine the city's LGBT-inclusive nondiscrimination ordinance into law. It's...
Secret admirer, secret admirer!

Fox’s Todd Starnes Will Save America With Smoked Pork Butt, Just Like Jesus

Fox News anchor, still-living Christian martyr, and legendary urine-drinker Todd Starnes treated the congregation of Abilene Baptist Church in Augusta, Georgia, to one beautiful "sermon" Sunday, with lots of terrifying examples of just how bad Christians have it in...
Nope, Josh Duggar can't have those either.

Nevada’s Bunny Ranch: Stay Away From Our Nice Hooker Sex Ladies, Josh Duggar!

It's funny how nobody wants Josh Duggar around anymore, all because a couple police reports, probably concoctions of the lamestream media, say he molested four of his sisters and a babysitter back in the day. The latest place Duggar is persona...
Not A Duggar.

Duck Dynasty Dude Was Molested Too, And Not Just By Family’s Gross Religious Beliefs

The fundamentalist wackaloon "Duck Dynasty" family still exists, and youngest son Jep Robertson has decided now is a good time to come forward with his own story about being a reality teevee star who was molested as a child. (Not...
So much in common! They both have unnaturally painted faces, for starters

Bobby Jindal Is BFFs With Some Duck Dynasty Guy, Let’s All Vote For Him Now

So much sexciting news in the wacky world of Republican presidential primaries! Ted Cruz is in, Rand Paul is in, and now Bobby Jindal ... well, he's still making up his mind about whether he'd like to one day...

Jesus Helps Duck Dynasty Guy Refrain From Cutting Off Your Penis

Are you a godless heathen hell-bound non-believer who refuses to accept The Truth that there is indeed an invisible daddy in the sky making a list and checking it twice to see who's been naughty and nice? Us too!...