Tag: peta

RUN, RONNY, RUN! Wonkagenda For Tues., April 24, 2018

Ronny Jackson has a a problem, Scott Pruitt's days may be numbered, and Hannity blames Obama for his millions. Your morning news brief.
HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.

Rush Limbaugh Explains How That Big Gorilla’s Death Disproves Evolution, OBVIOUSLY

Who is stupider? Rush Limbaugh or the people who listen to him?

Nevada Dingbat Michele Fiore Will Protect Bundy Jackholes With Her Ginormous Knockers

Ammon Bundy and his band of merry morons need many things in life right now. Common sense, tampons for all the ladies who aren't even currently occupying the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, and PLZ MORE SNACKS. And no...

PETA Delivers Vegan Jerky, Smug Condescension To Oregon Doofbuckets

In a statement early Wednesday, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals announced they would be answering the mating call of the endangered Northwest Constitution-Humping Booby by bringing victuals to the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. The Refuge is currently...
Ick yuck eww gross no.

Man Nabbed In Horsef*cking Sting, Not Even From Florida

You may want to have some brain bleach on hand for this one. A gentleman from Pennsylvania flew to Arizona for the specific purpose of doing sex to a horse (variously described as a "pony" or a "miniature horse"; we're...
I have a weakness for this stupid movie. It's a dystopian sci-fi remake of friggin' *Casablanca* for chrissake

Joe Arpaio, Pam Anderson, And PETA Walk Into A Prison Cafeteria…

Turns out Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson have something in common besides a fondness for Barb Wire, pink underpants, and relentless attention-seeking: They both think a vegetarian diet is just peachy, especially if...

Sarah Palin Being A Bit Of A Dick Again!

Over the weekend, there was a bit of a dogshitstorm when former half-term governor/queen of your nightmares Sarah Palin posted a picture of her (VERY CUTE) son Trig standing on his service animal. Most people would say, "honey, we...

Sarah Palin Pisses Off Allllll The Animal Lovers. Oh Like You’ve Never Stepped On A Dog

Sarah Palin has pissed off alllll the animal lovers -- but you knew that, it was right there in the headline! -- by letting her small son stand on his service dog to "help with the dishes." They are...

Tucker Carlson Would Like You To Know He’d Totally Fap To This Girl Who Shot A Gazelle

So earlier in the World Cup (sportsball! woo!) there was a girl that was apparently the most beautiful-est sportsball fan, and she got offered a hair modeling contract with L'Oreal. But then she posted a super cool photo on...

North Carolina To Legalize Annual ‘Possum Drop’ For Sake Of Fun, Stereotypes

In a victory over the forces of Political Correctness and animal rights extremists, the North Carolina General Assembly has bravely legalized the annual Possum Drop in Brasstown, a New Year's Eve "tradition" (since 1990) that some idiots who own...

PETA Would Like To Sell You Delicious Vegan Treats At Jeffrey Dahmer’s Childhood Home

Were you wondering if there was anyone left working at PETA who wasn't the vegan equivalent of a Westboro Church member? Worry your pretty head no more, because PETA is disabusing you of the notion that anyone rational remains...

When PETA And Cattle Ranchers Fight, Joan Jett And America Lose

For some reason we cannot discern, Joan Jett was supposed to ride atop South Dakota's float in the upcoming Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, but then this made the cattle ranchers sad because of how Joan Jett does not love...

Derp Roundup: All Hallows’ Eve Edition II: The Quickening

We had a feeling that just one collection of Halloween idiocy would not be sufficient to hold all the Derp that the holiday generates, and we were right. So here we go with Derpin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. How about we...

Watch Nancy Pelosi Try To Murder A Goat, For Satan

So Nancy Pelosi is a Satanic goat-murderer, obviously, and her opponent John Dennis is "not a sacrificial lamb." Get it??? (It's because Pelosi's San Francisco district is about 147 percent "Not Republican.") So wily John Dennis delivers a...

Twitter Digest: Ted Nugent And Secret Service To Bang Whores, Barbecue A Dog

Ted Nugent is having a barbecue with the Secret Service, because he simply cannot stop asking ladies and Barack Obama to ride his machine gun, and suck on his machine gun, and die from the bullets ejaculating forth from...

PETA Wants Video Game Stereotype Beaten For Dressing Like Raccoon Dog

Beloved pretend video-game character "Mario" is in big trouble with the only organization on Earth known for not torturing animals: PETA. Taking a break from capturing naked girls to get the attention of anusburger-chomping slobs, People for the Ethical...