Tag: paul ryan

Fox News Cannot Believe Obama Is Unfamiliar With Cutting-Edge Weapon ‘The Bayonet’

Mitt Romney got his ass handed to him last night, but to be fair, sometimes he handed himself his own ass, like when he claimed that Syria was Iran's "route to the sea" and also, most of the other...

Ohio Soup Kitchen Obviously The Real Villain In Paul Ryan’s Dishwatergate

In yet another example of the weird-ass confluence between food and politics in the current campaign season, the Youngstown, Ohio soup kitchen where Paul Ryan staged a photo-op by washing clean pans is now facing an angry wave of...

Paul Ryan Loves Poors So Much He Didn’t Even Punch This Homeless Man In The Face (Video)

Remember yesterday, when we learned that mortician's apprentice* Paul Ryan likes to help poor people by doing jobs that have already been done? (And THANKS, Wonkette tip line tipsters, for asking this morning why we are not all over...

Dishwatergate: Paul Ryan Dishwashing Scandal Worse Than Ever Imagined

In the distant past -- a couple hours ago? -- we saw on the Tweeter that utter douche Paul Ryan had done some stupid photo-op at a soup kitchen where breakfast had already been served and the dishes already...

Which Of These Election-Themed Cabbage Patch Dolls Will Murder You In Your Sleep?

In the dark, swirling mists of the past (the 1980s), there lived a race of people (Americans) who were so fucking stupid they spent hundreds of dollars each on gross butt-faced dolls called "Cabbage Patch Kids." Then people woke...

A Children’s Treasury of Butthurt Reactions To Joe Biden’s Debate Demeanor

Say, did you notice that Joe Biden was just a little interrupty in the VP Debate? We are given to understand that Old Handsome Joe's performance made a bit of a stir among some of the more sensitive souls...

Vice-Presidential Debate Live-Bloog: Paul ‘The Kid’ Ryan Takes On Old Handsome Joe

What's this, Sara Benincasa is joining us tonight, in our domicile? Does she have hair to braid? We will soon find out! In the meantime, here is the first and last nice thing we will most likely say about...

Should You Give An Opinion On Rape?

Man, it is like you cannot even tenderly explain that "some girls, they rape so easy" without everyone making a FEDERAL CASE OUT OF IT. Paul Ryan is the latest fair-weather friend to drop an endorsement of poor misunderstood...

Totally Compassionate Paul Ryan Is Our New Quayle Palin

Paul Ryan, boy genius, is running around the country now desperately trying not to get ripped limb from limb by olds in their Hoverounds. As a part of this bold new "don't fucking kill me" plan, Ryan is trying...

Paul Ryan, ‘Reportedly,’ Simply Does Not Care To Take Calls From His Stinky Old Boss

Does Politico chief political columnist Roger Simon know what "reportedly" means? Dear reader, do you? For those without your Editrix's fancee "specialized journalism" master's, it means "someone somewhere else has already published this information, which we have not confirmed...

Newt Gingrich Still Angling For Job As Governor of Moon

The 2012 election is the collision of many, many smaller issues: Immigrants, and how they're destroying everything; the disenfranchisement of Poors, due to laziness; that little issue of health care and who gets to blame whom for $700 billion...

Olds Tear Paul Ryan Into Bloody Paul Ryan Chunks At AARP Conference

They were hungry. So hungry. It was like the nurses and the porters at their "retirement" "communities" -- jails, each and every one of them -- were doing it on purpose, ignoring their wails for bigger portions of...

Nancy Pelosi Apparently Does Not Care For That Whippersnapper Rep. Paul Ryan

Oh ho ho, Nancy Pelosi! How are you being a hilarious bitch today? Oh, you are "welcoming" back to the hallowed halls of Congress the "intellectual heavyweight" of the Republican Party, Paul Ryan, by cutting together a whole bunch...

Is Paul Ryan On The Marijuana?

Guys, we’re concerned about Paul Ryan. As a father of a three-year-old girl, we’ve trained ourselves to be vigilant for all the signs your child could be using drugs: rapid changes in mood or behavior, anti-social tendencies, refusing to...

The Lying Lies of Paul Ryan, Who Lies

In the hours since his acceptance speech last night, the lies of lying liar Paul Ryan have been well-documented -- but what the hell, let's recap them anyway! THE GM PLANT: "Well, as it turned out, that plant didn't...

Liveblogging Tampa Wednesday: Rand Paul Ryan Rubio Olympians?

I would like to welcome you all to my first ever Wonkette liveblog of anything ever except for those three years that I was secretly running the entire site but pretending I was white people! ARE YOU READY TO HEAR...