Tag: patriots

Public servants serving the public

‘You Work for ME!’ Open Carry Loon Yells At Police, Exercising Right To Be Tedious A**hole

Via Moms Demand Action comes this proud Open Carry activist "Nunya Beeswax," who posted a FOUR-PART YouTube video documenting a recent Open Carry walk that Mr. Beeswax took around his Michigan neighborhood. He is the very model of a...

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

We were doing our goddamned level best not to care about or pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking...
How good do you heart America?

Take This Quiz To Find Out If You’re A Real Conservative Or A Stupid Liberal Who Hates America

Ever wondered if you are a Smart Conservative or a total America-hating idiot? Probably not, but just in case you're confused, the folks at the National Center for Public Policy Research -- who, apparently, are not in any way...
Why not just let the kids know what WW I was really about?

America-Hating Libs Murder Veterans Day Because They Fear Guns. Or Not.

Thank heavens we've got a good Culture War overlay for your Veterans/Armistice/Remembrance Day, America. According to a number of rightwing websites, the gun-hating (and hence Freedom-hating) liberals in charge of the Eau Claire, Wisconsin, School District have completely cancelled...

One Billion Militia Patriots To March On Washington, End Reign Of Kenyan Usurper

Oh my God, you guys, get ready to pack up your sex toys and hobo beans and flee to the Mexican refugee camps, because Real America™ has had ENOUGH with this Marxo-Islamunist bull hockey in Washington, and is coming...

Hey What’s The Deal With The IRS Oppressing Those Poor Teabaggers? Obscure Tax Law Wonksplained

So folks on the right and in the blogospheres are all argle bargle ranty ranty because the IRS just published an apology for giving special attention to groups asking for tax-exempt status that had the words “tea party” and...

Hero Patriot Dad Will Shed Blood Again If School Nazis Wreck Pledge Of Allegiance

So, we mentioned a little earlier today that an Illinois elementary school had a sheriff's deputy assigned to guard it after a parent "complained children weren't reciting the Pledge of Allegiance correctly," right? So, please join us in doing...

Teabaggers Trying to Seduce Your Children With Coloring Books

The Teabaggers are in a bit of a conundrum. There are only X many white people that can be wooed with promises of Made in China flag-waving picnics, and every day America is becoming less "white" and more "immigrant."...

Get Paid $50,000 For Teabagging

Have you been looking for a new "biz opp"? One that would enable you to get paid to "defend our freedom" and, oh, maybe "stop Liberal Tyranny!!"? Well look no further, because now your dream has come true: An...

‘True Patriot’ Jailed For Loving America Too Much

Michael Fenter wasn’t down with President Barack Obamar’s socialistic jillion-dollar bailouts of the nation’s banks AT ALL. So one day the Seattle area boat builder, farmer-man and hardcore Real American grabbed his gun, got into his Libertymobile and started...

Mike Mullen Leaks Classified Attitude Problem

"We're going to continue to mindlessly funnel money to Pakistan so they can train people to kill us, irregardless of whatever that HippieLeaks fruit posted on the Internets."

Homeless Man Unwittingly Learns Secret to Earning ‘Teabagger Bucks’

Gustav Bozarth is a homeless man who lives in El Paso, a city in the Holy Sovereign Nation of Texas. Every day, he probably has to deal with people telling him to “git a jawwwwwwb” or calling him a...

Crystal Princess Changes Bookshop Name to Avoid Patriotic Encounters

JoAnne Kohler, the proprietor of Salem, Oregon’s Tea Party Bookshop, is changing her business's name to Tigress Books next month, because she has no time for Real Americans or their “political connotations.” Lately, Real Americans have been coming into...

Michelle Bachmann Is a Star, So Let Her Shine

Barack Obama's been getting hugs and kisses galore for the comedy routine he performed for Scarlett Johansson and other hardscrabble White House "correspondents," but where is the adoration for Real American stage actress Michelle Bachmann? The other day she...

Dumbos Baffled By Site Move

The Internet is a computer-based system that constantly baffles dumb people who use the Internet. This tragic fact was proven again today when our favorite website, "Country Above Self," excitedly announced that Wonkette had shamefully removed all the Wonkette...

Wonkette Destroys Patriot/Traitor Ranking Website

You all should be ashamed of yourselves. We showed you the nice website called Country Above Self that appropriately lists "Phony Soldiers" as death traitors to America, and you go and inflate the score of Danny Glover, the b-list...