Tag: newspapers

what if they just read it instead?

LA Times Goes Union! Gross Harassey Publisher Goes Straight To Hell!

Big doin's at the Los Angeles Times, yes sir.
BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED! Also, bored.

Former Rep. John Dingell Bored At Airport, Wins Internet All Over Again

It has been well Wonk-stablished that Former Michigan Rep. John Dingell (D-Badass) is the best congressional Tweeter ever, past, present or future. Like remember that time former Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Hey Gurl) resigned from Congress, and Dingell, all eighty-nine...
News man.

Bill O’Reilly Knows Why Kids These Days Are Stupid And Dumb, And It Is Facebook

Bill O'Reilly, the world's greatest news reporter, who has never lied about anything at any time, knows who is stupid, and it is millennials. Why? Because they get their news from these silly sources like The Internet. "Reporting" on a Pew...
Don't open the folder or glitter will get fucking everywhere.

Homosexual Spotted At Michigan Newspaper, May Be Armed With Agenda, Caution Advised!

God-bothering Michigan state Rep. Gary Glenn, who is also president of the American Family Association of Michigan, has an ALERT and a DRUDGE SIREN and, hopefully, a SHOCK VIDEO, to share with the people who populate the city of Midland:  There...

Poors Pooling Their Hobo Beans To Buy Chicago Tribune And Los Angeles Times, Good Luck Poors!

Are you looking for the latest can’t-miss investing opportunity? Well sir, you can forget your whale oil and your arsenic hats and your unicycles, because King Newspaper is the hottest ticket in town! Not convinced? Then tell us, why...

Koch Brothers Buying the Liberal Media Now

Hey, who's tired of reading actual "information" in the handful of remaining legitimate news outlets quietly dying out in America? Persecuted swamp monsters Charles and David Koch are growing tired of watching their feudalist political philosophies maligned in the...

Insert Watergate Headline Here

Good Monday! In the news today, Republican battles to not be involved in Mitt Romney's campaign at all intensify, "Tricky Dick" had a mortifying nickname for a reason, and the Supreme Court wants you to stop telling them how...

Old Lesbian Billionaire Warren Buffett Now Constantly Singing At People

It is official. Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha, class warrior, and by all appearances victim of Stage Four of Lesbian Bed Death, will now use his "fuck-you" money to buy a slot and make you listen to him...

Boston Globe Endorses Huntsman By Process of Mittlimination

The Boston Globe, not exactly a bastion of conservative dreamweaving, endorsed Jon Huntsman in an editorial appearing in Friday's paper. The craziest thing about this is not that the Globe chose the ur-underdog, because who doesn't love an underdog...

Betrayed Donald Rumsfeld Breaks Up With NY Times On Twitter

Donald Rumsfeld has a lot of old man angst these days, and of course the recent 9/11 anniversary did not help. He was crying in his room listening to the saddest Justin Bieber song there is, when he picked...

Washington Post Aims To Become Same Website As THE POLITICO

In its latest attempt to draw readers into fatal traps of anti-information, the Washington Post has redesigned or relocated or re-aggregated or whatever its political coverage into this new thing, PostPolitics.com, which is maybe the same thing as THE...

Wingnuts Furious Over Washington Post Gay-Kissy Photo

Last week, the Washington Post published a front-page photo of two (gay?) men kissing in the courthouse's "gay marriage line." Many readers were furious. Today, Washington Post ombudsman Andrew Alexander determines once and for all whether this gay kiss...

The Sunday Washington Post Just Got A Whole Lot Wackier

The Washington Post opinion editors searched far and wide, from North to South Pole, from the highest canopies of the Amazon to the murky floor of the Indian Ocean, for a new genius to grace its Sunday edition with...

Left-Wing Liberal Blogs To Destroy Sanctity Of White House Pool Reports

The most challenging investigative task a prominent Washington journalist could ever face in his or her career is to cover the White House Pool Report beat, where our greatest reporters take turns following the President during off-hours -- just...

WashTimes To Staff: Uhh… Good News And Bad News?

The Moonie Times' critically mocked real-life adaptation of King Lear appears to have reached its fifth act, where Rev. Moon expands his kingdom into the burgeoning Mass Funeral sector and then fucks off to Paraguay to die. The Washington...

In Their Defense, They Did Not Realize He Was Loaded Before They Hooked Up

It's funny because today's paper is actually a step up, standards-and-decency-wise, from last week's article about the President's dog. (Wonkette fingers "Jon H" for the tip.)