Tag: jerry falwell

RNC Hails Its New King! Wonkagenda For Monday, December 26, 2016

The RNC loves its new God King, the incestuous sexxy times of Trump spox, and the Dems set their sights on taxes. Your morning news brief!

Trump Learns Recounts Work Both Ways. Wonkagenda For Monday, November 28, 2016

'Rigged' elections, Kellyanne's Meltdown, and Auschwitz on Ice! Your daily news brief!

Jeb Bush Tells Mean Pope To Leave His Favorite Teddy Bear Trump Alone

Jeb Bush is not dangling on the edge while fondling his gun that says JEB BUSH on it, contrary to certain vicious internet rumors he started, but he is definitely suffering from Stockholm syndrome. In the epic fight between Donald Trump and...
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Fires Pope For Being Bad At Jesus

Holy shots fired! Even New Pope Frank has some unchristian things to say about a certain candidate whose hat he definitely isn't wearing on his blessed head anytime soon: “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not...

Donald Trump Terrific At Saying Classiest Bible Verses Almost Perfectly

As per the ancient Martin Luther King Day tradition -- no, not the one where Republicans Tweeterspace about how they woulda been total brahs with Dr. King if they were borneded when he was alive -- Donald J. Trump has...

Bristol Palin Takes Bold Stand Against Shooting ALL The Muslims

So remember, like, five whole minutes ago when we chit-chatted about Jerry Falwell's dis-gusting jizz spawn, Junior, calling for guns guns GUNS for everyone, so they can shoot up any Muslimy Muslims who happen to be Musliming in his neighborhood? And those...

Jerry Falwell Jr. Offers To Whip Out His Big Gun To Keep Us All Safe From Muslims

Is there anything that Liberty University -- Jerry Falwell's vanity project that endures, regrettably, long after his death -- is actually good at? We know it is comically bad at being a law school. We know it has only the remotest familiarity with actual science, choosing...
Not immaculate, but OK

Ted Cruz Would Be Very Bad News For Gays, If He Were President LOL

Canadian Ted Cruz declared his candidacy for emperor of the US Americas today, having decided that the best way to run a presidential campaign is to blow your load really early, like a teenage girl trying to be the first...
Thank you for not facing the camera, you Luigi the Plumber-looking motherfucker.

Ted Cruz Kicks Off Presidential Campaign, Wonkette Staffers Crying Through Orgasms

Today, Canadian anchor babby Ted Cruz, the señor senator from Texas, launched his campaign to be the Jesus-Humper-in-Chief of these Jesus States of America. In case anyone was unsure of which Americans Cruz was really speaking to, he chose...
Will not cause cancer probably

Good News, Ladies, Your Bra Won’t Give You Cancer And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good news, bad news, old news, new news -- Yr Wonkette has it all, for all your news needs. In case you were worried that your over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder was doing cancer to your lady lumps, breathe a sigh of relief because...

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Textbooks On The Advent Of Saint Reagan

Congratulations, America! After 400 years of divine guidance, we've finally gotten to the President that God wanted the most, Ronald Wilson Reagan (genuflection optional). Both of our textbooks for the Christian school market just love the heck out of...

Ezra Klein’s Awesome New Website Vox Hires Awesome New Gay Writer Who Doesn’t Actually Like Gays

We're feeling like Ezra Klein's exciting new media venture is just an elaborate trolling of the internet. First there was the terrible launch video and the tone deaf post explaining how you're too dumb to understand the news. Now...

Rand Paul Endorses Butt-Sex-Banning Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli For Gov With ‘Gattaca’ Wikipage Plagiarisms

Y'all remember that awesome movie Gattaca from 1997, where Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke fell in love in real life, but on the side made a movie about the government doing eugenics? Not a whole lot of people saw...

Meh, Montana GOP’s Barack Obama Outhouse Was Funnier 30 Years Ago, When Hustler Did It

Right, so every blog in blogland is very upset by the poor taste shown by person or persons unknown at the Montana Republican Convention, where was found a mysterious outhouse marked "Obama Presidential Library," and it had bullet holes...

Wingnuts Furious: ‘Cultist’ Mitt Romney To Spew Inoffensive Pablum At Liberty University Commencement

Living Jesus Jerry Falwell has taught his students too well: his invitation to presumed GOP nominee Mitt Romney to give the commencement address at Liberty "University" has resulted in a 700-person freakout on the school's MyFace page. Mormons, cult,...

Mitt Romney To Give Commencement Address In Liberty ‘University’ Outhouse With Jerry Falwell’s Mother

Like it says dudes. His Lord High Hairgel Mittens Of Romney will put on his holy gown and tassel and get down and boogie with the common rubes of Jerry Falwell's Liberty "University" for a commencement speech where he...