Tag: iowa state fair

Let’s Give Joe Biden A Hug And Leave Him The F*ck Alone Now

Joe Biden is not running for president. Contrary to Anonymous Sources and People Involved and Internet Rumors and Some Saying and Maureen Dowd, the vice president announced on Wednesday that he will not Run Joe Run, nor be Draft...
Drunk idea man.

Drunk John Boehner Knows Congressional Democrats Are The Real Oregon Shooter

John Boehner had 11 shots of cheap Irish whiskey, or as he likes to call it, "breakfast," and decided it's a good day to jizz some thoughts out of his cry-hole about what REALLY causes mass shootings. Is it guns? Nah....
Sad Jebbers is sadness.

Iowa Plays F*ck, Marry, Kill With The Republicans. (Spoiler: Jeb Dies)

So, what's really going on with the Republicans? Scott Walker -- who ALL THE THINKY HEADS used to say was going to be first runner-up to the presidency (behind Hillary Clinton, obviously), even though we TOLD YOU that was never going...
America needs him.

Chris Christie: I Too Can Be A Dick To Jimmy Carter

Keeping his campaign promise "to start offending people" -- and trying to prove that he is the rightful heir to the title of Biggest A-Hole Republican Candidate, for the party's voters desperately seeking the very biggest A-hole they can find -- Gov. Chris...

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Every few years, we are #blessed with photos of politicians deep-throating a corndog at Iowa’s state fair. But did you know that there is more to the Iowa State Fair than hot politician-on-food pics? There's enough meat-on-sticks to make...
Not nearly as stupid as everything he says

Ted Cruz Chooses Perfect Day To Be A Dick To Jimmy Carter

Sen. Ted Cruz, displaying the warmth and basic decency that have made him a legend among near-human beings, chose the day after former President Jimmy Carter announced that he has brain cancer to natter on about how terrible a...

We Are Sorry, Mr. Trump, We Really Thought You Were Joking

It seems we, Yr Wonkette, owe one Mister Donald J. Trump an apology. For months -- nay, years -- we have mocked Mr. Trump's presidential aspirations as "fake." When he formed an exploratory committee in March, we smugly pronounced...

Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen

Scott Brown has been wandering the grounds of the Iowa State Fair, telling visitors he is “exploring a possible run” for president in 2016. The Des Moines Register followed him around the fair as he ate a corn dog,...

Idiot Booze-Soaked Hank Williams Jr. Applauded By Iowa Fairgoers For Exposing Obama’s Muslim Secret

Testosteroneous brain-damaged popinjay Hank Williams Jr., who has made a 50-year-career of having been ejected from the testicle of an actual musical genius and American treasure, is not very happy with known African-American Barry Bamz. And the good folks...

History’s Greatest Monster Barack Obama Politicizes Beer, Refuses To Buy One For Guy Holding A Romney Sign

Hey, Barack NoBAma, were you at the Iowa State Fair yesterday, cold buyin' beers for the first 10 people to swear loyalty oaths to you for the privilege of quaffing sweet, cold Bud? When asked if he was buying,...

Poor Paul Ryan Reduced to Enduring Hecklers Who Haven’t Even Paid $15 Each to Yell at Him

Boy does time fly! It seems like just yesterday that Paul Ryan was charging his constituents $15 each to come yell at him at town halls. But now times have changed! Paul Ryan is a Vice Presidential candidate, which...

Karl Rove Forces Media to Write Another ‘Will Sarah Palin Run?’ Story

Oh, look whose handlers discovered fish-eye lenses and sepia filters! Insipid reality teevee grandma Sarah Palin released another mind-numbing Internet home movie about signing autographs in Iowa to share, for whatever reason, who needs a reason? Rat-faced freak show Karl...

Sarah Palin Appears for Giant Mosh Pit With Livestock and Cameras

Teevee Queen of Alaska and former star of "The Learning Channel" Sarah Palin is officially the Iowa State Fair's Justin Bieber, for the living, breathing human lard monsters who have eaten their own weight times a thousand in fried...

Why Is America Forcing Rick Santorum To Be Elected President?

Rick Santorum has been in Iowa a lot lately, so obviously he is running for president, but he doesn't really want to. The people of the United States are FORCING him to, because they just need a President Rick...