Tag: government shutdown

Congress Budget Deal: Yes We (Kicked The) Can! Wonkagenda for May 1, 2017

Congress pats itself on the back, the press celebrates is self, and Sean Hannity is going to sue everyone! Your morning news brief!

House Electrocutes TrumpCare The 13th, Stabs It In Face, Drowns It. FOR NOW.

Rs will keep at this as long as they hold the House, even if it looks like The Final Chapter.

TrumpCare Rises Again! Your Wonkagenda For Fri., April 21, 2017

Trump breaks up with Julian Assange, Alex Jones's custody battle got WHOO BOY NASTY, and Jason Chaffetz wants you to know his pooper is sparkling clean! Your morning news brief!

Trump’s Fuck You Mexico Wall, Si O No?

So, on the real, are we seriously going to spend all our money to build this FuckYouMexico Wall? Let's Hatesplore!

House Teabaggers Want To Murder All Of Obamacare RIGHT NOW, Or Die Tryin’!

Extremism in the defense of kicking people off insurance for pre-existing conditions is probably a vice, really.
Sure it's poison. But think of the savings!

Paul Ryan Voice Of Reason On Shutting Down Government This One Time

Flint, Michigan's poisoned water system may be replaced before the heat death of the universe.

Can Either Of These Total Newbies Beat Loathsome Utah Teabagger Mike Lee? Your Senate Sunday

You know what would be cool? Utah -- for godssakes UTAH -- nominating the nation's first transgender major party candidate for Senate.
But...but...I need my paycheck!

Wingnut Tea Party Jerk Renee Ellmers Loses Primary, Calls Woman Fat, Like You Do

Rep. Renee Ellmers, a Tea Party darling who was a reliable voice of wingnuttery on cable TV news, lost her primary election Tuesday after her seat was redistricted. We wish her a fond farewell and a well-deserved obscurity.
We hear some Republicans are running, too

Maryland Has Two Awesome Democrats Running For Senate. Can We Have Both?

This week, our Senate preview will be a little different from the usual format: We're off to Maryland, where the two parties' candidates haven't yet been chosen. Barbara Mikulski, who served in the Senate for five terms, announced last...
He's thinking of ideas right now.

New House Speaker Paul Ryan Has Some Ideas, You Guys!

Fresh-faced dumb baby House Speaker Paul Ryan woked up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning! He did his P90X, said his affirmations into the mirror, and then tweeted out an idea he had been having, about how it would be...

How Paul Ryan Failed As House Speaker In Record Time: A Wonksplainer

Paul Ryan gained the Speaker’s Gavel after everyone and their mother determined that he was THE ONLY ONE who could save the GOP from disastrous dumbassery after Crybaby McDrunkerson decided to peace out. While Ryan demurred like a coy...

America About To Run Out Of Money Again But Speaker Ryan Says It’s Cool, Brah

While our fearless leaders in Congress have been busy surrendering to ISIS and repealing Obamacare (yes, again) and sleeping on it to decide whether Donald Trump does or does not represent the Grand Ol' Party, the little matter of how...
Don't tell Sarah Palin they weren't really made out of plastic.

Paris Attacks Making Brave Americans Soil Themselves, Quelle Surprise

People react to tragedy in so many different ways. Some rise to the occasion, bravely refusing to be cowed by circumstance, like the Parisians who opened their homes to strangers and the cab drivers who gave people free rides...
Should somebody call the cops?

North Carolina Teabagger Candidate Needs Your Help Murdering People, We Think

It's time to meet our new best friend, aren't you excited, Wonketariat? Her name is Kay Daly, and she is running for Congress in the North Carolina district currently served by Renee Ellmers, who is an obvious RINO. What's so...
thought i gave a shit, didn't ya?!

Why John Boehner Is A Drunken Numbnuts Coward: A Wonksplainer

John Boehner is the worst kind of weak-willed pansy-ass yellow-bellied coward in modern politics. His recent decision to resign reeks not of courage, but of the lowest, basest, cowardly lack of balls since Sir Robin ran away. The bullshit...