Tag: GOP primary

Donald Trump Will Love Vladimir Putin Forever And Ever, And You Can’t Stop Him!

Surprise, the Trump campaign is now doubling-down on licking Putin's sack, because obviously that's what America wants to hear.

New Democratic Ad Is Just People Reading Gross Breitbart Headlines, Because Breitbart Is Gross

What is YOUR favorite disgusting, racist, homophobic, misogynistic Breitbart headline? The Democrats want to know!

Little Marco Rubio Hates Senate So Much, Wants To Stay In Senate Forever Now

Also he hates you, he hates you, he hates you, and you are not his real dad.
NOPE!

Ted Cruz Just Wants To Help GOP Senate Buddies But They’re All Busy Washing Their Hair

Republican senators don't seem to want Ted Cruz's 'help' getting re-elected. Weird!

Hispanic Voter El Jeb Bush Appalled By Donald Trump’s Cinco de Mayo Racisms!

Where was THIS Jeb Bush during his oh so pathetic, not-even-sure-my-mom's-gonna-vote-for-me campaign?

Donald Trump, Paul Ryan Is Not That Kind Of Girl!

Despite the obvious chemistry, Paul says he is not the kind of Speaker who goes in for party unification on the first date, and is withholding his endorsement until he gets flowers.

Republican Presidential Candidates Bunch Of Backstabbing Liars, Basically

You will not believe this, but the man-children running for the GOP presidential nomination have been caught saying lies! Remember how a long time ago, when we were all little kids and the 2016 Republican slate promised they would support...
winner winner chicken dicker

How To Beat Donald Trump If You Don’t Actually Agree With Him

Donald Trump, right? GAHHH UGH GRRRR ARGH, Donald goddamned Trump. He is gross and disgusting and awful and terrible and all of that all over again, times a million infinity plus two. The worse he is, the more his...

Marco Rubio Knows He Can Win This Thing, If You’ll Just Vote For Someone Else

We didn't know it was possible, but Marco Rubio's math has gotten even worse. Yeah, we are as shocked as you because that's UNPOSSIBLE, right? Rubio is already the worst at math, and not very strong with his ABCs...

Lying Liar Carly Fiorina Says New Lies, For Lyin’ Ted Cruz

We thought we'd seen the last of Carly Fiorina's hideous persona when she dropped out of the Republican race in February. But nope! Like a bad sex disease you get from, say, cheat-boning some dude who is not your...

Sad Drunk David Brooks Doesn’t Have To Go Home, But He Can’t Stay Here

Poor deeply depressed David Brooks. The New York Times columnist continues his embarrassing public display of utter despair at the decline of his beloved Republican Party, with this drunken rant from a bar: It’s 2 a.m. The bar is closing....
Sit and spin, OK?

Master Troll Harry Reid Trolls Republicans, Masterfully

Have we mentioned lately how much we are enjoying the heck out of Legislative Badass of 2015 And For All Time Harry Reid giving the ol' Grand Old Party some righteous what for? Hmm, not since Wednesday, so it...
She's all philosophical 'n' stuff

Silly Drunk Mess Sarah Palin Says No, Mitt Romney, You Are ‘Silly Man’ Also Too

Is this 2016 presidential election the best ever or the best goddamned greatest thing ever? Yes! Shortly after Mitt Willard McMittens Romneybot gave a speech at the University of Utah Thursday that was almost -- dare we say? -- impassioned, about how Donald...
Don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no national healthcare

Mitt Romney Announces Republicans Suck, Especially That Trump Guy: A Liveblog

Perennial presidential candidate Mitt Romney is giving a MAJOR SPEECH today at the University of Utah's Hinckley Institute of Politics Forum, about the 2016 Republican primary. Which would be a perfectly normal thing if Romney were a candidate in...

Republicans SO MAD They Made Trump Happen

So Donald Trump had a pretty super Super Tuesday, huh? What with all of that winning he did, from hippy-dippy socialist Vermont and only-slightly-less liberal Taxachusetts, to the deep red down-there regions of the Confederate states of AmeriKKKa. He let Ted...
Romney, applauding himself

Mitt Romney Seems To Be Running For President All Of A Sudden

We hoped. We dreamed. We sent our thoughts and prayers to Liberal Skygod. Please, Liberal Skygod, PLEASE can we have Mitt Romney to kick around one more time? But no, Willard McMittens Junior The Third denied us the pleasure, sending our fond wishes to...