Tag: execution

Republican Missouri Gov Stays Tonight’s Execution Of Possibly Innocent Man? WHAT UPSIDE DOWN UNIVERSE IS THIS

You'd think exculpatory DNA evidence would at least merit a delay in execution. And you'd think ... RIGHTLY???

TrumpCare Rises Again! Your Wonkagenda For Fri., April 21, 2017

Trump breaks up with Julian Assange, Alex Jones's custody battle got WHOO BOY NASTY, and Jason Chaffetz wants you to know his pooper is sparkling clean! Your morning news brief!

What Taxes? Trump Has No Taxes! Wonkagenda For Tues., April 18, 2017

In 24 hours Trump thanked a dictator, dodged his taxes, and blamed Obama for gang violence. Your morning news brief!
They do seem like natural allies...

Florida A.G. Pam Bondi May Get Trump White House Position Even Though All The Best Girl Jobs Filled

What possible role could an amoral, self-righteous, dishonest greedhead ever hope to find in the Trump White House?
Mean, taking away the governor's fun like that.

Wingnut Nebraska Governor: Fine, Repeal The Death Penalty, I’ll Just Murder Folks Myself!

  Last week, we said "Hurray!" and "Nice time!" because Nebraska repealed the death penalty, and that is a big deal for a conservative state. Republican Gov. Pete Ricketts had vetoed the legislature's repeal bill, LB268, but lawmakers decided to tell him...
Hm, I like the cut of this Kim guy's jib.

There Goes Wacky Psychopath Kim Jong-Un, Shooting All His Friends With Missiles

His most holy leader and unicorn god of North Korea Kim Jong-un has allegedly struck again with a creative execution of a high government official. Remember when you were a kid and you would have your G.I. Joe action...
You're fooling yourself. Equestria is a dictatorship

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Stop Supporting The Gays’ Rectum Rituals!

Time for another trip to the Deleted Comments Cornfield where we wish away all the comments that don't meet our high standards for good commentiness, or which we just don't want stinking up our nice little comments section. Take, for...
He thinks he's being executed to stop him from preaching the Gospel

Rick Perry Can’t Execute Mentally Ill Convict Just Yet

In a fit of temporary sanity, the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals has issued a stay of execution for Scott Panetti, the severely mentally ill murderer whose execution was supposed to have been prevented by a 2007 Supreme Court decision...
We have to be civilized about this

Conservatives Oppose Executing Mentally Ill Texas Man, For Good Of Death Penalty

Here's a story for your "Wait, conservative Christians said what?" files. Back in October, we mentioned the case of Scott Pannetti, a Texas inmate who is severely schizophrenic and believes he had to kill his in-laws as part of...
Now *that's* a logo.

WonkiFact: Yep, Rick Scott Delayed Execution For Attorney General’s Campaign Schedule

During the second, fan-free debate between former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist* and current Gov. Rick Scott (R-Malfoy Manor) Tuesday night, the accusations flew hot and heavy. One of the more notable exchanges involved the question of whether Gov. Voldemort...
Not sure this makes a point about the story -- mostly just wanted to execute a Lego figure.

Looks Like It’s Time To Execute Another Mentally Ill Guy, For Justice

We know you're all sick of Ebola and ISIS, so here's a pick-me-up: Texas is fixing to execute Scott Pannetti, who is so disconnected from reality that he buried a sofa and other furniture in his yard because he...
Stay calm, OK?

Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery

We bet you never would have guessed that the diagnosis of one (1) human being with Ebola virus would lead to a whole bunch of daft conspiracy theories, did you? Don't be ridonkulous, you would say to yourself. We...
Oh! You ARE sick!

‘Pro-Life’ Sociopath Todd Kincannon Has Simple Solution For Ebola: Execute All Patients

Former executive director of the South Carolina GOP, Trayvon Martin clairvoyant, ethics-free attorney, and avid penis self-photographer Todd Kincannon is proudly pro-life -- with one exception, of course, in that he wishes Wendy Davis had been aborted. But he...

John McCain Being A Big RINO Lib Squish Again, Just Because Arizona Tortured A Guy, Whatever

Hey look! ‘Grumpy dickwad’ John McCain took a break and decided to let ‘maverick-y sane-sounding’ John McCain come out and talk. And he said some things about that botched execution in Arizona, including telling Politico that it was “torture.”...
A hydropmorphone lullaby

Arizona Spokeschick Promises Botched Execution Was Really Kittens’ Whiskers And Unicorn Farts

Polish up your resumes, Wonketeers, because it looks like the great state of Arizona will soon be in the market for a new press flack! After the AP and the Washington Post reported that the botched execution of convicted...

Surprise! Kim Jong-un’s Mistress Was Not Executed By Wild Unicorns With A Nuclear Bomb, Or Whatever

Now for a sexxxy update on famed North Korean sex god Kim Jong-un and his sexy romps with the sexiest hotties his country has to offer. Last summer reports surfaced that Kim had had his former mistress, pop singer...