Tag: earthquakes

End Of World Off To Slow Start

Hey, everybody, better get your butts out of bed and off to your jobs after all, because it looks like the Mormon Apocalypse has failed to materialize. At least, so far. As we noted in our earlier story, some...

Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler

Ready for another dumb Hitler analogy, because this is the week where we do those? Let's get reacquainted with Aaron and Melissa Klein, who decided to be martyrs just like Jesus, by refusing to make a cake for a...
The comments section at Gawker?

Seattle Earthquakes, Unborned Fetus Parts And Gawker! Your Weekly Top Ten.

  Hey Wonkers, happy Sunday afternoon! We hope you are full of brunch and joy and whatever else you like to be full of, dicks probably. So it's time to count down the top ten posts of the week, aren't...
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Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!

OK, Portland and Seattle Wonkers, this is a public service announcement. We are going to need you to find buddies in the comments section (which does not exist), and beg them to let you crash on their couch, because...

Space Lizard Gods Didn’t Get Eric Cantor or His Nuke Reactor This Time…

Our latest sources say terrible whiny loser Eric Cantor was apparently the actual target of the  5.9 5.8-magnitude earthquake the reptile gods of space launched at the East Coast today, because the epicenter of the quake was smack in the...

Pentagon, National Cathedral Only Victims So Far In D.C. Earthquake

Wow, God's aim is getting sloppy these days: news reports indicate that so far the Pentagon and the National Cathedral, aka His military and His crib, were the only significant locations to have sustained damage in Washington, D.C. following the...

Uh Oh: Ben Quayle In Charge of Our Earthquake Preparedness

A true disaster: Time to move away from those fault lines. There's no way you're safe now. If it's humanly possible to cause earthquakes, that will probably be the result of this. Obviously, this is an crisis.

Worst Japan Earthquake Ever: 100s of Deaths, ‘Nuclear Emergency’

If God was angry about those Peter King hearings, he shouldn't have taken it out on Japan. But here's the verdict at this hour: Hundreds of bodies have washed up from the tsunami, people are being evacuated to and...

Sarah Palin Demands Gazillion-Billion Dollar Cuts To Everything

Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is embarrassed for Republicans -- embarrassed! -- because they are so squeamish about cutting the budget. What a bunch of faeries! "We need much greater cuts," said Sarah, in the most unspecific...

8.9 Quake Hits Japan (Live Video Feed)

Yikes ... also, Wonkette's Jack Stuef is going to Japan tomorrow (really! for his "week off"). Good luck everybody! Watch live video from CNN International on Justin.tv

Wisconsin Governor’s Google Results Not Looking Too Good These Days

WORLD UPDATE: It turns there are other things going on besides Sarah Palin being on Facebook! Libya is still on fire, literally in many places. Wisconsin is still on fire, figuratively speaking. God even wanted to get into the...

TODAY'S CATASTROPHIC EARTHQUAKE: Hmm, any Major Nations overdue for a punishing temblor? China, maybe? Very big country, lots of people, not really smacked down by the 2010 Parade of Death Quakes. So, China it is: "At least 300 people...

Today’s Major Earthquake Strikes … Indonesia (and America Will Soon Burn)

Do you live on Earth? Then you may soon be the Victim of an Earthquake! Experts say they have never seen so many goddamned earthquakes in what, three months? Does the world hate us? Just for killing all the...

More Earthquake Puns, Plz

Get it? "Earthquake," "unshaken"? ZING BAM POW. Next up: "Haiti? More like CHEETAH!" What, who says you can't use any of the Tiger Woods puns for other news stories? Anyway, congratulations to Jesus, for pulling off another fast one....

A Good Day For Underwater Earthquakes Is A Bad Day For Everyone At Sea Level And Above

Nearly a hundred were killed in flooding caused by an 8.0 undersea earthquake (and a bunch of diligent, follow-up tsunamis) in Samoa and American Samoa. New evidence suggests that the terrorist group responsible for last year's Mumbai hotel violence...