Tag: democratic debate

BERNIE AND HILLARY AGREE LOUDLY AT EACH OTHER FOR TWO SHOUTY HOURS!

Oh goodness and BREAKING NEWS and whoop-de-doo, there was another Democratic debate Thursday night. It was riveting. (LIES!) No for real it was great. (YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.) Well they yelled at each other a lot, at least! Here...
Thanks, Bern. I'll Snapchat you later

Hillary And Bernie About To Do Fisticuffs One More Time, Please God Let This Be The Last Time

WHOA HEY it's been a minute since we've had one of these debate-styley things! But things have been getting super UGLY in the Democratic race, so they need to do this again, obviously. Bernie was like "I CHALLENGE YOU...

Dear Univision: Show Us On The Doll Where Hillary And Bernie Hurt You

Last night, the showdown was ON. Two candidates took the stage, coiffed for battle, ready to face down and parry the ludicrous personal attacks and brutal hypocrisies of their worst enemies: the debate moderators. Wait, What Now? Yes, Wednesday's Democratic debate was notable...
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

Democratic Debate Moderator Sleeping With Republican Benghazi Committee, We Guess

There is a general consensus emerging on every internet in the whole galaxy that Wednesday night's Democratic debate, moderated by Univision's María Elena Salinas and Jorge Ramos, and the Washington Post's Karen Tumulty, was the dumbest debate that ever...

Two Adults Talk About America Instead Of Their Dicks: Dem Debate Liveblog!

We were told that the evil dark forces of darkness had conspired to destroy democracy by not inflicting seven zillion Democratic debates on us. That's what we'd heard. There would be maybe one, and it would be about 15 minutes...

Bernie Surprise Winned Michigan! Time For Another Democratic Debate Death Match

When was the last time we had a Democratic debate between Hillary Rodham Sanders and Berndog Clinton or whatever their REAL names are? Were you a little girl at the time? Well you're still a little girl obviously, because...

Rick Snyder Simply Can’t Believe Hillary And Bernie Would Blame HIM For Flint Crisis

Where do these big government Demon-cratics GET OFF? That is what Republican Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder would like to know. During Sunday night's Democratic debate in Flint, Michigan, Hillz and Bernie took some time to agree with each other that...

Ted Cruz Refuses To Take A Stand On Donald Trump’s Penis

Despite what you may have heard after Sunday night's Democratic debate, with all the snarky headlines about how "Oh look at those growned-up Democrats, they talked about actual isssues, how lame," the most important issue facing America is still...

Fox News Invades PBS Debate, Begs Democrats To Drown Big Government In Bathtub

In between desperately begging for money and plugging its report on the ancient art of Albanian Weevil Calligraphy, PBS took some time out of its busy debate schedule Thursday night to ask both candidates the question Democratic primary voters surely care about...
Bout ta 'SPLAIN each other.

Hillary And Bernie Have Big Fight Over Who’s Most Gayest For Obama

Oh hey Wonkers, did you watch Thursday night's Big Exciting Democratic Debate? Well see ya wouldn't wanna be ya if you didn't! It was more of the same we've come to expect from those two crazy kids, Hillary Clinton and...

Has This Democratic Primary Killed You Yet? No? LET’S ALL YELL SOME MORE! A DEBATE LIVEBLOG!

Guys! GUYS! ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WHO ONLY AGREE WITH YOU ON 95 PERCENT OF THE THINGS? ARE YOU READY TO TELL EVERYBODY THEY ARE CROOKS FOR LIKING THAT WHORALLY CLINTON? Can you not...
Exclusive footage from tonight's Democratic debate.

Time For Hillary And Bernie To Call Each Other Big Hairy Dumb Stupidheads Again!

Oh look it's time to do another Democratic debate because might as well. The New Hampshire primary is over, and now Hillary and Bernie are heading to Nevada and then South Carolina, and who's winning? DEMOCRACY IS WINNING. As...

The First Rule Of Hillary And Bernie Fight Club Is MOMMY AND DADDY, STOP FIGHTING!

Thursday night's Democratic debate was fun! As usual, it featured grown-ups saying brain thoughts to each other, as opposed to the poo-flinging zoo creatures on the crowded GOP debate stage. But this time the grown-ups' faces got all red...
Ted Cruz looks so ... happy?

Hillary Winned The Iowa Caucuses, And Ted Cruz Still Sucks

Land sakes, the Iowa caucuses are stupid and dumb. We already 'splained why they are undemocratic and just overall a shitshow on a massive scale, so if you haven't read that, CATCH UP, MORANS. But now we know the...

Hillary And Bernie Get It On In Iowa Town Hall, Martin O’Malley Invited To Watch

Oh, is it time for another Democratic debate at 13 o'clock on the 43rd of Neveruary? Nope, suckers, it's not even time for that. But it is time for a a super sexciting sexhilarating -- wait for it, wait...
Toxic Sludge is Good for You!

Obama Declares A State Of Disgusting In Flint’s Poisoned Water

After the state mismanaged the water crisis in Flint, Michigan, about as terribly as humanly possible, Gov. Rick Snyder finally got his typewriter and stamps together and requested emergency assistance from the federal government. On Saturday, President Obama declared...