Tag: Common Core

Donut Company Sides With Cops. Surprise!

Can't say they don't know their customer base.
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Deleted Comments: So This Is Where The Truly Depraved Hang Out

Yet another grab-bag of brilliance from our Deleted Comments bin, plus a bonus crazy lady on your Editrix's facebook page! Wear thick gloves if actually grabbing.

Glenn Beck Says ‘Black Lives Matter,’ Because Obviously WAIT UP, GLENN BECK SAID WHAT???

Glenn Beck correct about a thing, STOP THE PRESSES.

Who Was That Caped Circus Lady What Stoled Our Hearts? Michelle Van Etten, That’s Who!

After several nights of this convention crap, our eyes and ears and general faces have somewhat glazed over. We are Instacarting vodka and occasionally just screaming "Oh god, these people are horrible! Why are they all so horrible?" into...

RNC Night Three: Let’s Watch America Be First And Mike Pence Be Number Two! A Livebloog!

It's 'Make America First' Night at the RNC. Let's see what that nice Mr. Lindbergh has to say, shall we?
Guys with beards this epic are either brilliant or fucking nuts

Arkansas Gentleman In Jail Just For Loving Bible Too Much, Threatening To Kill Seven Mayors

Guy who threatened seven mayors insisted that learning the 10 Commandments along with his ABCs made him the man he is today. Hmm.
E Plebnista!

Ted Cruz Wishes Public Schools Would Stop Being So Communist

Ted Cruz has a sad about the sorry state of education in these once-great United States of America, and it is that the schools are manufacturing Bolsheviks. The problem, as stated succinctly by Cruz ally and rightwing radio host...

Marco Rubio Must Have Learned His Peculiar Primary Delegate Math From Common Core

If you watched the Nevada results rolling in last night, you no doubt saw one million Republican strategists (looking at you, Nicole Wallace on MSNBC) trying to simultaneously explain how it was totally cool and great that Trump might...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Does Ted Cruz Secretly Want To Gay Marry The Homosexuals?

BREAKING NEWS, EVERYONE. Ted Cruz, a politician from Texas, is a politician, and he is from Texas. (And Canada. And Cuba.) Yes, we know, everybody thinks he's this Pure Conservative Social Warrior, untainted by the taint smells of politickin', but...

Meet Kentucky’s New Cock-Fightin’ Teabaggin’ Gov. Matt Bevin!

Kentucky's a hell of a drug. Extra-crispy wingnut Matt Bevin was too crazy even for Republican primary voters to send him to the Senate in place of RINO Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in 2014, so the whole state decided Bevin...
Nothing more patriotic than a flag-waving beaver shot

Homeschool Mom Protests ‘Muslim Indoctrination’ At School Her Kids Don’t Attend

A super-patriotic homeschooling Tennessee mom organized a protest Friday against what she was pretty sure is Islamic indoctrination of children in the public schools, although she pulled her own child out of the public school system last year because...

Ted Cruz Still Wants To Murder Federal Government, But After It Cleans Up Texas

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-United States of Texas) hates the federal government, and he is going to kill it so hard, right in its stupid federal face, when he becomes the president of it. He has a plan to abolish...
President In Name Only

Republicans Tire Of Telling Americans Obama Isn’t Really President, Decide To Inform The U.N. Instead

So this is how the Republican Party is going to proceed until they finally repeal President Obama from the White House: The Obama administration's plan for U.N. climate change talks encountered swift opposition after its release Tuesday, with Republican leaders warning...
Ted Cruz will do a faith-healing of America

Ted Cruz Will ‘Repeal’ Common Core ‘Law’ When He Is ‘President’

In his amazing Liberty University speech where he announced that he's running for President of Jesus, Ted Cruz promised to repeal every single word of an onerous federal law that oppresses America and is designed to promote socialism. Twice....
Thanks General Washington! Now we can mention your slaves again!

Oklahoma Won’t Let A.P. History Defame America No More

The War on Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) racked up another successful squirmish Tuesday, as the Oklahoma House Education committee voted to ban any state funding of the classes, because APUSH is bad for America. The bill was introduced as...
Good evening, Des Moines!

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are...