LOOK HOW MANY STORIES WE WROTE ABOUT RUSSIA THIS YEAR, OH MY GOD.
Congress averts a shutdown (for now), Miss America is full of assholes, and a special delivery for Papa John.
A Fox lady gives Rupert Murdoch a FUCKING EARFUL, Republican tax fuckery hits another snag, and the GOP has record LOW RATINGS. Your morning news brief.
Trump's trying to build his own secret Team America to run around and kidnap terrorists by using Iraq War and Iran-Contra rejects.
GOP money fuckery, Trump lights a tree, and Walmart apologizes for trying to kill journalists. Your morning news brief.
Any fucking idiot can tell Trump is compromised by Putin, FOR SOME REASON.
There seem to be decomposing squirrel carcasses inside the president's brain, and they are mating.
Trump must immediately appoint a special counsel to see if Hitler helped Hillary do uraniums to Russia.
Trump insults Gold Star families (again), Republicans are shoving the Trump Taxes down our throats, and John McCain insults rich draft dodgers with foot problems. Your morning news brief.
Why the hell are we in Niger, the Senate tries to sneak in the Trump Taxes, and OBAMA'S BACK! Your morning news brief.
He just KNOWS the Deep State is going to force him to commit perjury before the Senate Intel Committee!
FEMA loses the plot. How's about Congressman Blackwater, Wyoming? And Mike Pence fakes it. Your morning news brief.
Christopher Steele is a very popular boy!
Is Rex Tillerson about to get YOU'RE FIRED? John Kelly? SOMEBODY ELSE? Who can even fucking say.
Your morning news brief will talk about everything, and is not changing the subject.