Tag: buttsex

Makin' his yucky buttsex face.

Rick Santorum Has Clever Plan To Make All The Brown People Go Away Forever

Rick Santorum is still running for president for some godforsaken reason, probably because his family abortion doctor said a campaign would distract him from his real obsession, which is ass sex. And so Thursday night, during the Undergirdle Debate...
Republican debate watchers.

Let’s Watch Republicans Try To Out-Stupid Ben Carson. Your Debate Preview!

Oh, do you have your DVRs set and your babysitters called and your sex lube procured for tonight's SUPER-EXCITING REPUBLICAN DEBATE? Yes, they're going to yammer words at each other again, and people are going to watch it, and...
Go home, Celestia, you're drunk

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Did You Know Gay Sex Isn’t Even Real?

We got us a whole bunch of freaked-out gun-humpers this week in reply to our story about Ted Cruz's sub-par gun safety, mostly saying "Har-Har, you dumb liberals don't know nothin' about guns so shut up." The really...
Tough questions

Fox News Teaches Dumbass Viewers How To Use New ‘Facebook’ Thing Real Good

BREAKING "FOX & FRIENDS" UPDATE, EVERYONE! Have you heard about the new thing making waves during this election season? It is called "Internets" and it just came out today! And included free of charge on Internets is a new...
If this was REAL Bible sex advice, it would be about how Lot's daughters drugged and sexed their dad.

How To Sex Your Boner-Killer Hag Of A Wife: A Christian Wonksplainer

Hey, fundamentalist Christian Wonkers, how are you doing? Do you exist? If so, TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY. Instead of writing liberal godlessness at you, we have a nice story about what to do when your Christian wife is...
It was a tie between this and a guy with a sign saying 'Bring Me A Shrubbery.' But that one was out of focus.

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Hear From All The Experts On Buttsex

It was a weird week for deleted comments. We had a lot more than usual, thanks especially to a guy who may have set a record for most troll posts before getting deleted -- roughly 200 mostly one-line gobbets...
Legal in all 50 states since 2002, THANKS OBAMA.

Idiot Alabama Judge Thinks You Need A License To Do Buttsex

Wah wah wah, it's another elected official who's having his religious beliefs criminalized because the Supreme Court says he has to do a gay thing, SADFACE. This time it's a probate judge feller called Nick Williams, who serves the...
Fancy a roll in the gay?

Wingnuts Fondly Remember Simpler Time, When Americans Were Too Poor For Buttsex

Back in my day, you didn't just HAVE buttsex. You had to work for it, and each time you got it was a special treat. You had to walk uphill to get it, both ways, in the snow, and...

Hey, GOP, If You Love Donald Trump So Much, You Can Shove Him Up Your Butthole

Do you love Donald Trump SOOOO much you'd gay-marry him and his totally not fake hair, if that weren't a gross abomination? If you are a Republican, probably yes! (But without the gay marriage, obvs; you'd just anonymously blow...
Sarah's "O" Face

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin’s Empire Of Grift Crumbles Into The Eternal Sea

Sarah Palin has finally awakened from her long summertime slumber to publish new videos, hooray! We’ll get to the new video in a moment. But first: where has Governor Quitterface been these last couple weeks? Like migratory waterfowl before they...
I must object! Josh isn't even IN this one! You morans can't even tell your Duggars apart!

Deleted Comments: Leave The Duggars Alooooooone

Hey, we promised you a Duggars ShitFerBrains, and then last week we had to go and write about that children's book about Hell instead, so here we finally are with the best of the worst of our deleted Duggars...
Bias Confession: I think Howl is a wee bit overrated

High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry

The children of South Windsor, Connecticut, are at long last safe from the pernicious influence of David Olio, who has been forced to resign as an English teacher at South Windsor High School after showing a video of Allen...
Not the best font match, I'll admit

AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?

Sandy Rios, the American Patriarchy Association's "governmental affairs director," is not happy at all with the Republicans in the Senate this week, but not so much because they're holding up the confirmation of Loretta Lynch for the sake of...

Louisiana Police Love Retro So Much, Decide to Bring Back Vintage Sodomy Laws

Baton Rouge police have shown themselves to be the ultimate in hipster law enforcement by arresting two men on charges of sodomy, a "crime" that hasn't been illegal for almost twelve years. Ooh, vintage! For those of you who keep up...
To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You people would just replace it with Comic Sans.

Deleted Comments: Alas, We Have Offended A Sensitive Soul (Or Men’s Rights Activist, Same Difference)

Your Wonkette isn't perfect, lord only knows, and when we err, we seek to make amends. Which brings us to this very important message from our comments queue, from "jrayhawk" (please, no Ray Jay Johnson jokes), who felt that...

Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed

On the one hand, we're dreading the next four months because we're headed into peak silly season for state and national elections and there will be so very much dumb politicking rammed down our throats. On the other hand,...