Tag: ben seewald

‘Jill And Jessa: Counting On’ Finale: Our Long National Nightmare Is Over At Last

We regret to inform you that the latest iteration of the Duggars, "Jill and Jessa: Counting Spawn On" has not yet been cancelled. Turns out prayers don't do shit. Perhaps we need to start making blood sacrifices to minor...

‘Jill And Jessa’ Duggar Aired The Birth Of Squashy Spurgeon And We Wish We Had No Eyes

This is what you are greeted with when you tune to this week's episode of "Jill and Jessa: Counting On": Oh good. Because if there was one thing this squashy-baby-filled show was missing, it was the expulsion of another squashy...

Fancy Branson Road Tripping With The Duggars On This Week’s ‘Jill And Jessa’

Every week, we wake up early on Wednesday morning and say a little prayer to whatever bloodthirsty pagan god we're praying to this time that somehow, some way, the "Jill and Jessa: Counting On A Trainwreck" show did not...

Ben Seewald Spits Mad (Bad, Sad, Dad, Cad) Rhymes On This Week’s Duggar Recap

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. This is the Jill and Jessa episode we have been waiting for. No, not the one where Josh comes back all tearful from sex rehab (though that episode better happen, goddammit) but the...

This Week’s Duggar Recap Has A Creepy Dad, A Boring Shower Game, But Still No Josh

Hey everybody! TLC did not cancel this new-ish Duggar show yet! However, they also haven't yet trotted Josh Duggar out to show him no doubt crestfallen yet renewed in his vows to love Jesus and Anna and not be...

This Week’s Duggar Recap Features Heaping Helping Of Squashy Babies And Filthy Cars

Goddammit. As of this week, this particular person working at yr Wonkette can no longer watch xfinity shows online thanks to an "upgrade." What does this mean? This means that this particular person working at yr Wonkette had to...

Learn About How Ben Is A Disgusting Eater In This Week’s Duggar Recap!

Over the last seven days, the Earth continued to revolve and the Sun, regrettably, did not swallow up the planet, which means (a) Donald Trump is even more dangerously close to being the leader of the free world and (b)...

Here Is Your Recap Of That New Duggar Show. Are You Happy Now?

Hey kids! The Duggars are back! Like a bad penny, or a persistent rash, you will never be free of this terrifying family, even after Josh Duggar proved to be a creepy child molester and wannabe cheater and also actual...

Dumb Duggar Boy Won’t Let Satan Finger His Sisters Again

Hey, Jesus Lovers, OMG OMG OMG, are you so excited about watching TV tonight? No, not the primaries! What are you, some kind of politically minded DORKASS? No, we are talking about the premiere of the new season of "Duggar Diddles...

Dear Jesus, What A Year 2015 Was! A Letter From Michelle Duggar

Dear friends, family, fellow sidehuggers, and Jesus: OHHHHHHHH! WHAT A YEAR THE DUGGARS HAVE HAD! We have been walking strong in the Lord, but sometimes He just throws you a curveball you weren't expecting! For instance, did you know that the...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Duggars To Announce New Jesus-Approved Boning Rituals Very Soon!

Oh, what a wonder it is, as your 19 children barely reach the age of sexual maturity and you set to the task of finding arranged marriage Christian diddle-sex partners for them, so they may each have 19 children...
Anna, divorce can be really great. You should try it.

Josh Duggar’s Penis Banned From TLC, Maybe From His Wife Too

There comes a time several times a day when we get an email that says "gross thing about Duggar family, please read." So here's a new development, and it's about the gross "Josh Duggar" character, who is currently serving...
America's sweethearts

Great News, TLC’s Going To Let The Duggars Perv Up Our TV Screens Some More

Cool Story: After Josh Duggar admitted to fingerbanging his family back in the aughts; and after news came out that his parents did all they could to cover it up; and after TLC canceled the family's well-known reality show,...
Fun-employed

TLC Sends Duggars Away To Live On Farm With Honey Boo Boo’s Mom

Oh no, how will the Duggars survive? TLC has decided that, you know, on second thought, now that "kid-diddling" has replaced "look at that fun family with so many kids!" in the American consciousness, maybe it should cancel the show....
America's sweethearts

TLC: What If We Did A Show About The Duggars Who DON’T Diddle Little Girls?

With all the revelations of the past week that Josh Duggar, eldest son of Jim Bob and the Clown Car Vagina, molested five girls that we know of, including four of his sisters, when he was a teenager, one...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Ma And Pa Duggar Still Trying To Make ALL The Babies, For Jesus

It would seem that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have taken your Wonkette's advice, about how they need more babies, since the Muslims are going to outnumber the Christians very, very soon (55 years from now). So off to...