Tag: apple

Trump, Chuck, And Nancy Have DACA Dinner Date! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Sept. 14, 2017

Trump talks DACA with Dems, Trump-Russia twists in a new direction, and Notorious RBG nicetime! Your morning news brief!

The Four Bullshit Lies Of Trump And Scott Walker’s Imaginary ‘Foxconn’ Factory

BADGERS! Scott Walker thinks you're dumber than a jello salad!

Karen Handel Sucks. Wonkagenda For Tues., June 20, 2017

Dem's are talking until they're blue in the face, Karen Handel is a very bad person, and Pharma-Bro is back! Your morning news brief!

London Having Fucking TERRIBLE Year. Wonkagenda For Mon., June 19, 2017

Trump's lawyer thinks you should ignore his tweets, John Ossoff's race is getting dirty, and Megyn Kelly is MEAN to Alex Jones. Your morning news brief!

Trump Tries To Burn This Mother Down. Wonkagenda For Fri., June 2, 2017

Trump tried to drop Russian sanctions, President Kushner can't get his story straight, and Not America is pissed about the Paris accords. Your morning news brief!

This Woman Is An Asshole

It's a lot easier to cure cancer with a natural diet if you don't have cancer in the first place.

Trump To Africa: Give Us Your Blood Diamonds!

How are we screwing African children today?

Rude Old Donald Trump Didn’t Invite Twitter To His Sexxxy Technology Party

Are Donald Trump and his favorite thing ever Twitter HAVING A FIGHT???

Wonkagenda: Monday, October 10, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Dumb Apple Steals Headphone Jack From Your Weekly Dance Party

YOU COME LISTEN TO THESE SONGS RIGHT NOW.
"hello, beautiful"

Wall Street Traders May Soon Have To Live On Burger King ‘Whopperitos.’ The Horror.

Guys, big banks just need a few more years to figure out how to add more loopholes to financial rule Esteemed Wall Street banks are on their knees asking the Fed for five more years to comply with the Volcker...
is this thing on?

Apple Gets Patent To Destroy Its Own Creation

Former startup Apple is valiantly sticking up for the entertainment industry with a new patent designed to thwart obnoxious iPhone recordings. Have to say, we can't think of anything that could go wrong with this technology in the hands of...
oh dear

Poor Exxon Finds Congressional White Knight To Take On Government Bullies

Thank God this nice congressman will fight off the scientists pretending global warming 'exists.'
land of the free drink with order

Patriotic Foreign Tech Firm Won’t Bug Your iPhone Unless There’s Good Stuff On It

We spend a lot of time blasting our planet-melting, employee-hazing, and buzzword-creating Corporate People. But like Aerosmith songs, they're not all bad. Isn't it about time we gave out some gold stars? Expanded Access To Abortion Pill Somehow Punishing Poor...

Mickey Mouse Murders Jesus Christ, Wingnuts Outraged

Well, folks, it's hunting season. In fact, the Christians seem to have overbred this year, and so "They" (AKA big corporations like Disney AKA Mickey Mouse and all his pals) have declared "open season" on Christians. Wait what? That's unpossible! But...

Breaking! Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal Kicks Gay-Hatin’ Wingnuts Right In Their Tiddlywinks

BREAKING NEWS, a wingnut governor is not being totally awful! Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal -- a Republican -- announced in a presser Monday morning, the very day after our risen Christ done rosed again, that he will veto Georgia House...