Tag: aaron schock

Strap In, It’s Going To Be A Very Dumb Day! Wonkagenda For Fri, April 20, 2018

THE COMEY MEMOS ARE OUT, Rudy is back, and kids are still protesting guns. Your morning news brief!

Knee Deep In Niger. Wonkagenda for Oct. 24, 2017

There's a lot more troops are in Niger, Trump takes a field trip, and Ryan Zinke gets REALLY grifty. Your morning news brief.

Congress THINKS About Guns, Maybe. Wonkagenda for Thurs., Oct. 5, 2017

Congress considers banning "bump stocks," a majority don't trust Trump, and the "Cutest Pet" on Capitol Hill! Your morning news brief!

James O’Keefe Wannabes Get So Many Felonies! Just Like James O’Keefe! Wonkagenda For Wed., March 29, 2017

Hillary went out last night to kick ass and wear leather; red states are beefing up Medicaid expansion now the black guy's gone; and Trump's hands too tiny and weak to throw out a sportsball 'first pitch,' whatever that might be. Your morning news!

Senate Stays Up All Night To Screw Obamacare! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Jan. 12, 2017

The Senate pulls an all nighter, Elaine Chao doesn't speak, and Trump keeps his business all in the family. Your morning news brief!

House Republicans Murder Congressional Ethics Office, Because They’re Already So Ethical

What, you don't trust Republicans to police themselves? PFFFFFFFT.

OIL! It’s Got What Plants Crave! Wonkagenda For Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Donald Trump cancels a press conference, Congress crooks face jail time, and Jill Stein is still a embarrassing failure. Your daily news brief!
Take it off, sweetcheeks.

Nice Porno Company Will Pay Aaron Schock’s Legal Fees, And All He Has To Do Is Guys

Oh hey, Aaron Schock, long time, no see your perky, adorable Republican buttocks! Gosh, has it been a year since you were the most Millennial fashionista in Congress with the most elegant Downton Abbey office ever? It has! And...

The Top Ten Posts Of 2015 Will Tongue-Kiss You At Midnight, Since Nobody Else Will

Hooray, it's midnight! But only if you live in the time zone where it is midnight. If you don't live there, like say for instance maybe you live in "Luxembourg" or the "Mountain Time Zone," two places that may or...
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst Is World-Famous In Memphis: A Story By Evan Hurst

Oh hi, do you know me? I am one of your Wonkettes, and I am the most famous person in the universe. I am taking a break from having brunch with Taylor Swift, saying "Oh no she di'int" about...
Oh look, they are kissing. Bet they're about to do some "mission work" to each other's bathing suit areas.

Dumb Duggar Kids Admit Mission Trip Is Basically Sexxxy Beach Vacation For Jesus

YR WONKET CALLED IT, MUST CREDIT WONKET! You people out there in internet-ville think oh, Wonkette is such a gas, the way they make up silly stories about how Jill Duggar and her long lanky sex penis "Derick Dillard"...
Obviously

The Top 29 Things The ‘D’ In Paul Ryan’s New Fancy Speaker Name Stands For

HEY LADIES, big news! Paul Ryan is officially the Republican Party's nominee for new doomed speaker of the House of Representatives. (The full House will vote for him on Thursday; Democrats are expected to support the GOP's choice, if...
BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED! Also, bored.

Former Rep. John Dingell Bored At Airport, Wins Internet All Over Again

It has been well Wonk-stablished that Former Michigan Rep. John Dingell (D-Badass) is the best congressional Tweeter ever, past, present or future. Like remember that time former Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Hey Gurl) resigned from Congress, and Dingell, all eighty-nine...
We're sure he'll find a way to Shake This Off too.

County Wants Aaron Schock To Pay For Special Election To Put New Buttcheeks In His Old Seat

Aaron Schock, the hot male personal photographer-having FORMER congressman from Illinois, still has a war chest with $3.3 million in it, due to he was apparently very good at fundraising, and also because he apparently had some very creative...
All he needs are some tasty waves and a good attorney

Wonkette Buys Human Again, A Queer Gay Homosexual One For A Change

With now FIVE FULL-TIME STAFFERS, your Wonkette is ... we're not sure, but we think half as big as Twitchy now? So if you need a dumb, unclever, rightwing take on stupid tweets telling libtards SNAP and THEY ARE...