Sad old goat is probably locked in his room, blaring Elliott Smith to drown out all the TEARS. Now it is your OPEN THREAD!
Trump talks with Kissinger, REXXON's 'fucking moron' gets worse, and Mike Ditka is a fucking idiot. Your BIG morning news brief!
Is Trump losing his shit because Bob Mueller is closing in? Let's Wonksplore!!!
Trump is ready to explode, California's burning to the sea, and ESPN shits the bed (again). Your morning news brief.
'Virtual charters,' you say? And 'DeVos has investments in them,' you say? Well at least she pays for her own planes.
Look, no one's actually USING the atmosphere, are they?
FEMA loses the plot. How's about Congressman Blackwater, Wyoming? And Mike Pence fakes it. Your morning news brief.
Is Rex Tillerson about to get YOU'RE FIRED? John Kelly? SOMEBODY ELSE? Who can even fucking say.
Trump personally fucking with ACA, John Kelly got hacked, and you'll never guess that Breitbart's all-Nazi and Buzzfeed has the goods! Your morning news brief!
Let's go back to the good old days of pretending gay couples don't exist.
Congress considers banning "bump stocks," a majority don't trust Trump, and the "Cutest Pet" on Capitol Hill! Your morning news brief!
Trump pissed off Puerto Rico, REXXON is mouthing off, and Megyn Kelly LOVES the NRA. Your morning news brief.
What evil lurks in the hearts of lawyers? These Jones Day dudes specifically. Your OPEN THREAD!
How many secret private email accounts do Jared and Ivanka have? OH ALL OF THEM KATIE.
Your morning news brief will talk about everything, and is not changing the subject.
If we cover another story today, it'll probably be Puerto Rico. Otherwise, here are some things that *would* have been news today. Your morning news brief!