Sportsball

Trump All GRRRR At Black People, For A Change. Wonkagenda For Mon., Sept. 25, 2017

Sportsball ruined forever, Merkel holds on, and Peggy Noonan ponders peace through Trump. Your morning news brief.

Michael Phelps And His Fiancée Have A Gigantic Fight

Hey, this totally could have happened, you don't know.

Colin Kaepernick: Domestic Terrorist, Or ACTUAL OSAMA BIN LADEN? Fox And NFL Unsure!

Is Colin Kaepernick the best quarterback who ever lived? Nah. But it's pretty weird how he STILL doesn't have a job. Wonder why!
Can't you see how she's dividing America right here?

Beyoncé Super Bowl Show Features Black People, Wingnuts Super Outraged

Sunday's Pepsi Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show at Levi's Stadium in Facebook, California, was tinged with controversy. In an astonishing move, the NFL chose Coldplay to headline as an obvious diversity hire. Some more sensitive types were unsettled by...
Drop Kick Me Jesus

Brave Christian Football Coach Eated By Lions

A high school assistant sportsball coach in Bremerton, Washington, had a nice chat with the Almighty, who told him that, despite orders to cut it out, he needs to keep praying on the 50-yard line following every game, because...

Wait, Did Bill O’Reilly Just Ruin Cute Animals?

We bet you thought you already hated Bill O'Reilly as much as it was possible for you to hate Bill O'Reilly

Dumb Fake Golfer Story Is Why Lunatic Trump Thinks All The Voters Are Illegal

So now we know at least part of the reason Donald Trump is sure there are millions of illegal voters who kept him from winning the popular vote in the election he won: When he told members of Congress...

Don’t Come Around Here No More. Wonkagenda For Tues., Oct. 3, 2017

Your morning news brief will talk about everything, and is not changing the subject.
I'm really more of a Rams fan...

Brave Christian Football Coach Suspended, Can Spend All Day Talking With God Now

The Great Jesus Sportsball War continues in Washington, where Bremerton High School administrators have placed assistant football coach Joe Kennedy on paid administrative leave for ignoring multiple requests that he stop leading players in prayer at the 50-yard line...
Don't all teens talk like this? Especially on the sidelines of a f'ball game?

Sundays With The Christianists: Let’s Read Some Terrible Pro-Abstinence Comics!

Thanks to the extremely slow delivery process of an online fundagelical ministry, we have finally received a crackerjack prize we ordered back in August: a copy of the fabulous "Truth For Youth Bible," which is full of lies right...

Will Sportsball Hero Tim Tebow Someday Be First Virgin Dork President Of America?

Tim Tebow is known for two things, mainly. He loves Jesus so hard, in the manliest way possible, and he refuses to put his dick inside the endzones of either ladies or gentlemen. Like, he is so great at virginity...
You have the right to free speech as long as you're not dumb enough to actually try it.

Donald Trump Ready To Deport Sportsballer Colin Kaepernick For Anti-Flag Crimethink

America is a land of boundless freedom, as long as you don't say anything unkind about it in relation to the flag or national anthem.

What Are Fox News Patriots Saying About Terrible, Horrible America-Hater Colin Kaepernick?

Did you hear Kaepernick is a secret Islamic? Sean Hannity did!

Trump Amputates Healthcare For Poors. Wonkagenda For Fri., Oct. 13, 2017

Trump breaks healthcare, Ryan Zinke flies his own freaky corrupt flag, and Wilbur Ross will shove Trump Tax Cuts (For Rich People Only) down your throat. Your morning news brief.