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Oh Whoops We Just Forced You To Buy This Shirt Of Hillary Clinton Cutting Off Trump’s Head

Do you know the story of Judith and Holofernes? Judith was a rad Jewish woman, and Holofernes was a ... Roman? general who wanted to rape her. She was like "cool, Holofernes, I will just come to your tent...

Would You Like Wonkette In Your Box Every Morning?

How long has it been since you examined your box? Do you like to examine it in the morning, when the sunlight hits it just right? When you examine your box, tell us, is Wonkette in it? Send a...
Truck Fump never looked so good

Truck Fump! Truck Him Right In His Ear!

Do you, like all sentient beings on the planet, have a violently strong distaste for presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (nee Drumpf)? Of course you do! Do you, like so very many others, feel the need to express your feelings...

The 2016 Wonkette Winter Wonksicle Tour, By The Numbers

Six weeks, 6,000 miles, and one illegal search and seizure later, the Wonkebago has turned back into our Montana driveway, and we're NEVER EVER EVER LEAVING AGAIN, until July. What's that, you want to give us some money? That...

Well I Guess We Have To Make You This ‘Election Game Of US America Elections: The Game’ Now

Oh you Wonkers, with the way you shower us with love in the form of hard cash! You are so very nice to us!! You give us driveways to park our Wonkebago in, and you send us love notes,...
Is that gorgeous unit a penis pump for YOUR UNIT? Why yes, it is!

Wonkette Dick Jokes Now Officially Sponsored By These Nice Penis Pump Folks!

Oh hi, Wonkers. We are aroused to tell you about some product offerings from one of our new friends, L.A. Pump. Yes, they are penis pumps and pussy pumps and clit pumps, and we know what you are thinking:...

The State Of The Wonkette Union Is ‘Grifty’

Friends, Wonkers, perverts, lend us your danglies and your girl-danglies, and also listen up, sons (and girl-sons)! We come before you today to tell you that in 2015 you gave Wonkette $79,071 straight from your EBT cards, and that...

Bend Over, It’s Time To Cram Your Throat With A Piece Of Gay Marriage History!

Official Friend of Wonkette For Real Thom Kostura helped you put a homosexxican ring on your beloved's finger -- what else you put a ring on is protected by Lawrence v. Texas -- and he also can help you...

How Do You Find Medical Marijuana In Faraway Lands? There’s A Website For That!

Greetings Wonkerinos, we bring you glad tidings of great joy, and also legal medical marijuana, which, SCIENCE FACT, is a thing, at least in certain parts of the country! But what happens if you are, say, a human creature...

A Review Of ‘The Enthusiast,’ Josh Fruhlinger’s Non-Violent Book Partially About Cartoons, By Josh Fruhlinger

Hello cheery Wonkette people! It is I, Josh Fruhlinger, whom you may vaguely remember as the guy who used to make fun of political cartoons around here, and also do regular (?) blogging as well, before I abandoned you....
my god it's full of stars

Open Up Your Wallet, Sucker. Wonkette Just Broke Your Browser For The Very Last Time.

Imagine a world where you don't have to email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com to tell me you can't read Wonkette's latest vicious snarlings because we done broke your browser (again). Imagine a world of Internet SO...

This Would Be A Really Great Time To Buy Some Last-Minute Christmas Presents

Oh my gosh, you forgot to buy the things! No worries, you can still buy the things. Will they get to you in time for Christmas? Anything is possible. Come, let us travel together through the merry items in the...

Won’t You Feed The Wonkette Children This War On Christmas Season?

Is your Chanukah gelt burning a hole in your pocket (AND POOR JESUS'S PALMS???)? Do you feel the burning itch to share your Christmas goose, NOT IN A SEX WAY? Have you cracked your fourth bottle of wine, and...

Send Your Fundie Sister Some Hope On A Rope Soap This War On Christmas Season!

"You could stay in the alley behind my Burbank soap factory," the lady was saying in the Wonkette comments. It didn't seem a better offer was coming in for places in Los Angeles to park the Wonkette Mobile Command...