No, I believe *I* have the floor!

Sex-Crazed Michigan Reps Beg For Light Spanking, Ooh Yeah, Just Like That

The sleazy, exceedingly stupid scandal involving Michigan state Reps. Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat, the family-values right-wingers who concocted a fake gay scandal to cover up their real hetero affair, is grinding toward its embarrassing shame-soaked close, with both...

Pence Scribbling ‘President’ All Over His Notebook. Wonkagenda for Tues., Aug. 8, 2017

Republicans are writing love letters (and checks) to Mike Pence, the CIA won't drink Trump's Kool-Aid, businesses sour on Trump. Your morning news brief!

Deleted Comments: The Swiss Are Working On An Artificial Vagina

And when they have it perfected, women are OUT.

Hip-And-With-It GOP Platform Yells At Clouds, Gay People, And Sage Grouses

Way to get with the times, Republicans!
Which one is the grossest? Yes!

Jesus Sends Josh Duggar’s Penis Home From Sex Rehab With Clean Bill Of Health

Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your sisters, hide your dogs, hide your other sisters, hide your porn stars, hide your mom, hide your granny, hide your Ashley Madison password, BASICALLY HIDE EVERYTHING that has a vagina or...

Phil Robertson Dumbfounded You Idiots Are Mistaking His ‘Common Sense’ For ‘Bigotry’

Hey! Here is a big surprise! Phil Robertson is once again mad that people think he is a bigot just because he is obstinately devoted to his own prejudices and would prefer to treat the members of a certain...
What does that even mean? I give you my chin?

How Many Justices On The Supreme Court? Eight. For The Next Four Years.

Eight justices today. Eight justices tomorrow. Eight justices FOR EVER.

Sara Benincasa’s ‘D.C. Trip,’ By Sara Benincasa, Reviewed. (By Sara Benincasa)

Oh, hello. My name is Sara Benincasa, and I have long been a contributor to yr Wonkette. Anyway, I am here on yr Wonkette to review my own lertest berk or “latest book,” a rollicking novel titled “DC Trip.”...

Alex Jones: Michelle Obama Murdered Joan Rivers So She Wouldn’t Tell Anyone About Her Dick

Alex Jones is a reasonable person who believes Donald Trump would make a good president, and Michelle Obama murdered Joan Rivers to keep her penis a secret.
God has a cruel sense of humor

Gal Who Looks Like Ted Cruz Will Do Porno For $10K; You Can Not Watch It For Free

The internet is a wonderful thing. It brings us amusing My Little Pony memes, cat videos, and GIFs of people falling off stuff, pow, right on their bottoms. And porn, of course. So it makes perfect sense that the...
Will this fossil find be retconned into the Spider-Man mythos?

Scientists Aroused By 99-Million-Year-Old Spider Boner: Your Saturday Nerdout

Hope you kids are ready for some full-on nerding today, because it is Saturday and we have news that brings together two of the best topics possible: Science and sexxytimes. Oh, sure, the sexxytimes involve arachnids, but that was...

The Year In Garbage Men. The Long, Long Year In Garbage Men.

A trip down garbage memory lane!
Just look up 'Backpfeifengesicht'

Guy Who Loved Uganda’s ‘Kill The Gays’ Bill Cannot BELIEVE How Narrow-Minded Liberals Are!

Maybe he'd be comfortable with a more familiar term, like 'abomination.'
Exactly how evolution works

Ohio School ‘Science’ Video Made By Weirdo Islamic Sex-Fiend Creationist. Wonkette Torn.

Schools in Youngstown, Ohio, are teaching 'Intelligent design,' using videos from a nutty Islamic creationist. Maybe Islamophobia and anti-science stupidity will cancel each other out.

Did Eric Trump Win A ‘Fugly Nazi Makeover’ Contest Or Did He Just Get A Haircut?

What is it with the Trumps and their goddamn hair.