Sex

Anna, divorce can be really great. You should try it.

Josh Duggar’s Penis Banned From TLC, Maybe From His Wife Too

There comes a time several times a day when we get an email that says "gross thing about Duggar family, please read." So here's a new development, and it's about the gross "Josh Duggar" character, who is currently serving...
A power bottom for your gay love, and also your dollars.

Help Us Name The World’s First Ted Cruz Hardcore Gay Porn Flick, Starring Ted Cruz!

This thing. You have seen it? It's a real thing, and Ted Cruz is not embarrassed by it! In fact, he's such a fucking know-nothing that he thinks it's COOL. In fact, he thinks it's so cool that he's selling...
Values Voters arriving.

It’s The Values Voter Summit! Has Grindr Crashed Yet?

Hooray, the Values Voter Summit started Friday morning in Washington ... and you're late! Haha, just kidding, it's never too late to go to a sausage party full of sad, closeted dicks. We woulda been ALL OVER THIS SHIT...
Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling

It Turns Out We Weren’t Kidding About Kevin McCarthy’s Sex Scandal. Huh!

Remember a long, long time ago, when we told you John Boehner was quittin' this here speaker job, probably because SEX SCANDAL? And you were like, Oh, Wonkette, LOLZ, you're so funny, with the jokes, that's why we love...
EW GAY

Kirk Cameron’s Gay-Hatin’ Sister Hopes You Feel Real Bad About Having HIV

Oh man, fuck you, D.J. Tanner. So here is a one-act play called "Let's Shame The HIV/AIDS Boy." The cast of characters: Candace Cameron Bure, little sister of dumbass creationist wingnut and former hot shit child star Kirk Cameron. Candace,...
Ah, Sinfest, we love you

Oh Great, Now Even The Southerns Are Gender Fluid

It's the first week of school at many colleges, which means it's time for another round of panic about socialist liberal indoctrination and threats to America and all that stuff. Take, for example, this "What are those crazy eggheads saying...
GET IT GURL

Good Christian Housewives Declare War On Miss Piggy The Whore

It's been a while since yr Wonkette has checked in with the "One Million Moms" group (77,000 Facebook fans and counting!), and its fearless leader, the halfwit Never-Nude Monica Cole. Hi, Monica! If you don't remember, "One Million Moms" is...
Take that, Austin!

The One Place In Texas It’s Not OK To Carry A Gun Is In Your Vagina

You know what we love about working at Wonkette? We love coming across a story with a headline like "Cops: Woman Concealed Loaded Gun in Vagina" and having to double-check to make sure it's different from that OTHER loaded-gun-in-a-vagina...
Some Presidents get shoes thrown at them. Some get salmon jizz thrown on their shoes

President Obama Got Diddled By A Fish, Y’all

Barack Obama visited the Alaskan fishing village of Dillingham Wednesday, where he sampled some salmon jerky, talked to the residents about climate change, and met an amorous salmon which jizzed all over his mukluks. The fish's negligent discharge occurred...
Non-Sex-Having Man Wearing Dress Wants To Lecture You On Sexual Norms

Illinois Bishop Has Godly Plan To Keep Gay Cooties Out Of Schools

In an attempt to clamp down on all the rampant sin in Springfield, Illinois, the local Catholic diocese is planning to rid its schools of the offspring of homosexxxicans. Also, for the sake of insisting that they're not bigots,...
Not pictured: His dad's pride and joy, apparently.

Hey Everyone, Let’s Talk About Justin Bieber’s Penis, With His Dad!

Dads are great. (Unless yours isn't.) They share wisdom. (Unless yours doesn't.) They go to your piano recitals, and they never fail to support whatever it is their crazy kids get into, even if they don't always know what...
Something something tongue-punch your fartbox

Horny Family Values Teabaggers Tossed From Michigan Legislature, Oh How Sad

Our long national nightmare/jokefest is at last over. Michigan state Reps. Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat have lost their jobs. Courser resigned, and Gamrat was expelled by her peers in the state House. The two family-values conservatives, both of whom were...
Portrait of the idiot in her natural surroundings.

Bristol Palin Shocked To Learn She Is A Idiot

Commenters, we need to ask you a question, and we PROMISE we will not get mad. Has somebody out there been doing some rogue, face-to-face guerilla Wonkette-ing? Because somebody marched right into the medical office where Bristol Palin works...

Future Not-Speaker Jason Chaffetz Very Sad He Found Bupkis On Planned Parenthood

So this smegma-guzzling ferret, Rep. Jason Chaffetz of Utah, we were talking about him just the other day, remember? Because HAHAHAHA he thinks maybe he will be the next Drinker of the House. (Spoiler: He will not.) We ran through...
It was a tie between this and a guy with a sign saying 'Bring Me A Shrubbery.' But that one was out of focus.

Deleted Comments Of The Week: We Hear From All The Experts On Buttsex

It was a weird week for deleted comments. We had a lot more than usual, thanks especially to a guy who may have set a record for most troll posts before getting deleted -- roughly 200 mostly one-line gobbets...
No, Waddles, don't read this!

I Say, Old Bean, Did British Prime Minister Do Sex Things To A Dead Pig?

There are a lot of weird dumb stories about American politicians and their bad behavior. But we're pretty sure that none is likely to top this alleged story about British Prime Minister David Cameron, who allegedly put his peener...