The Only Thing Donald Trump Will Recycle Is This Hilarious Bit About Newfangled Hairspray

If what's good for the environment is bad for Donald Trump's hair, then those regulations are just not worth the risk.
It's like a beautiful rusty rainbow!

Don’t Be Jealous Of Flint, America, You Probably Have Poison Water Too!

Almost every time we write about the multiple bureaucratic and political failures that led to the poisoning of Flint, Michigan's water supply with incredible amounts of lead, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass of clean water from our...

Deleted Comments: If Gravity Is Real, Why Can We Jump, Smart Guy?

Time may not be a flat circle, but Earth definitely is. Or maybe a triangle.
The sleepiest little candidate

Ben Carson Will Defund Commie Liberal Colleges, Because Freedom

You have to love Ben Carson's commitment to fight the forces of Political Correctness, because he knows the greatest threat to freedom is all these crazy liberals and their insistence that you can't be in favor of guns or...

Ryan Zinke Wants To Kill All The Cute Critters. Wonkagenda For Fri., Aug. 25, 2017

Ryan Zinke wants to open up national monuments, Trump wants to shut down the government, and MORE Texas gerrymandering. Your morning news brief!

Who The Hell Is Sean Hannity’s New Fake-News Boyfriend ‘Kim Dotcom’?

Hey, who's this guy, you vaguely wondered. Well, there's a lot not to like! Plus an OPEN THREAD!
Haw haw, fuck you, Earth!

Bureau Of Land Management Web Page Swaps Out Dumb Nature Pics For Beautiful, Lovely COAL

If this is paradise, I wish I had a lawnmower.
'Imagine the excitement of this demon as he destroyed the property of Christ!'

You Will Fall Madly In Love With This Half-Nutso Louisiana Cop

//     Yr Wonkette has a new boyfriend in law enforcement, and he is Captain Clay Higgins of the St. Landry Parish Sheriff’s Office in Opelousas, Louisiana. You see, he makes these bizarrely earnest Crimestoppers videos that are half sermon, half...

Does Donald Trump Have Low Testosterone? According To His Medical Letter: MAYBE!

This is going to be awkward for the 'You're just jealous of his high testosterone levels!' crowd.

Pence Scribbling ‘President’ All Over His Notebook. Wonkagenda for Tues., Aug. 8, 2017

Republicans are writing love letters (and checks) to Mike Pence, the CIA won't drink Trump's Kool-Aid, businesses sour on Trump. Your morning news brief!
He hasn't even achieved his ultimate form

Who Knew Spiders Were Into Bondage? Your Saturday Nerdout

If it's weekend, it's time for nerding, so let's get caught up on our geekery. Or at least partly caught up. There is always more nerdy stuff out there! Of Arachnid Bondage A few weeks back, we brought you the thrilling...

Franklin Graham Thinks We’re Gonna Shoot His Followers For Being Bigots, Like We Have Time For That

Franklin Graham tells his followers they may have to 'take a bullet' for their transphobic beliefs.

Rude Old Donald Trump Didn’t Invite Twitter To His Sexxxy Technology Party

Are Donald Trump and his favorite thing ever Twitter HAVING A FIGHT???

Trump Throws Tantrum Over Sun Stealing Moon. Wonkagenda for Aug. 21, 2017

Trump finally has ideas about Afghanistan, Steve Bannon grabs his gun, and the Kennedy Center will RESIST political affiliation.
And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.

Creationist Dickbag Sure Sorry That Sinful Slut Gorilla Had To Die

Oh look, another wingnut sharing his opinion on Harambe the gorilla!