Congressman Chris Collins: The Bitch Set Me Up!

Congressman Pharma Bro has a stock to pitch! YOU CAN'T LOSE! BUY NOW!
Somebody set up us the dong!

Is America Ready For This French Retro-Porn Sci-Fi Parody? Your Saturday Nerdout

The weekends are for rest, relaxation, and catching up on binge-watching The Walking Dead (yes, even Season 5). Oh, and maybe doing something about that mass of matter in the kitchen sink before it achieves self-awareness and launches Judgment...
land of the free drink with order

Patriotic Foreign Tech Firm Won’t Bug Your iPhone Unless There’s Good Stuff On It

We spend a lot of time blasting our planet-melting, employee-hazing, and buzzword-creating Corporate People. But like Aerosmith songs, they're not all bad. Isn't it about time we gave out some gold stars? Expanded Access To Abortion Pill Somehow Punishing Poor...

Kissinger Advises Trump: Do Illegal Immediately. Wonkagenda for Wed., Oct 11. 2017

Trump talks with Kissinger, REXXON's 'fucking moron' gets worse, and Mike Ditka is a fucking idiot. Your BIG morning news brief!

Ted Cruz Penis Hacks Twitter! Wonkagenda For Tues., Sept. 12, 2017

Russia has been busy in Not American Internets, climate change gives Scott Pruitt a sad, and Ted Cruz's peener is tweeting. Your morning news brief.

Flint, Michigan, Invites You To Wash Down Those Rabbits With A Nice Glass Of Lead

Hey kids! Are you still depressed over last night's debate, where a bunch of people basically argued over which of them was more likely to murder an ISIS member's child by ripping said child's throat out with their teeth?...
Probably not kosher, if you know what we mean (and we think you do)

Weird Sex Mushrooms Give Ladies Spontaneous Orgasms (Or Not): Your Saturday Nerdout

A happy Saturday to you, oh Nerdlings of Wonkette! We've got pornographic mushrooms (maybe), scientific proof of aliens (probably not), leftist comic books (hardly even), and a homemade Starship Enterprise (definitely!), plus much more for you this week! 'Orgasm...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Oh Look, More Mommies Who Know Science Better Than Doctors

Greetings once again, truth warriors! It's your weekly dose of vaccine-damaged idiocy known as the Snake Oil Bulletin! On this week's agenda, we have a grand slew of folks whose entire belief system can be boiled quite succinctly down to...
Exactly how evolution works

Ohio School ‘Science’ Video Made By Weirdo Islamic Sex-Fiend Creationist. Wonkette Torn.

Schools in Youngstown, Ohio, are teaching 'Intelligent design,' using videos from a nutty Islamic creationist. Maybe Islamophobia and anti-science stupidity will cancel each other out.
Oh look, it's the new face of terror: A bright 14-year old. But he's Muslim!!!!!!!!

Wingnuts Have Had It With That Muslim Teen Terrorist Ahmed Mohamed And His ‘Science’

Of course there's a backlash. Couldn't possibly have any story about a Muslim kid mistakenly accused of making a hoax bomb and then showered with love from fellow geeks, and have that be the end of it. Gotta gin...

Google Pulled Some Shady Shit In Montana, And Now They Have A Violent Asshole Congressman

Oh, did someone forget to not be evil?
Coming to a career day near you!

Hey Texas Kiddies! How’d You Like To Smuggle Cocaine For The Cartel?

Oh hi, Texas schoolchildren! Come sit down with your old guidance counselor Ms. Wonkette so she can tell you about a new opportunity that's come up for YOUR career! Imagine: You, a normal Texas schoolchild serving as an integral...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Girl Scouts are Literally Satan

Welcome back! Are you ready to cure all your coughs, lumps, phlegms, and bumps? Is your tummy grumbling with a great big helping of artisanal herbal quack pie? Then have we got a Bulletin for you. Strap in, tuck...

Sally Yates Throws Shade Across DC. Wonkagenda for May, 09, 2017

Sally Yates plays rough, Paul Ryan stays quiet, and TrumpCare gets even worse. Your morning news brief!