What 'hate groups'? Do you have a list?

Trump’s Aryan Supermen Terrified By Obama’s Jewish Supreme Court Nominee

David Duke, the nice former Grand Wazoo of the KKK who Donald Trump eventually decided to disavow, abjure, and wink at seductively, is all kinds of upset by secret Muslim Barack Hussein Obama's nomination of Hebrew Silver Fox Merrick...

We Read Today’s Entire SCOTUS Slut Pills Transcript So You Didn’t Have To

You may have forgotten that the Supreme Court of These Here Yoonited States actually hears cases, since for the last several weeks, its main functions seem to be (1) providing a rich source of material for conspiracy theorists who are pretty certain...

Wonkagenda: Wednesday, August 24, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

GOP Sending Your Tax Money To Jesus Schools And Homeschoolers, Hooray!

Public education? What's that?

Rush Limbaugh Explains How That Big Gorilla’s Death Disproves Evolution, OBVIOUSLY

Who is stupider? Rush Limbaugh or the people who listen to him?
True fact: Nerdy smiles started as a prison fashion, like saggy pants

Muslim Clock Nerd Ahmed Mohamed Gonna Sue Bejesus Out Of Bigot Texas Town

In a development we've only been anticipating since Day One, the family of Ahmed Mohamed is threatening to sue over a September incident in which the 14-year-old was arrested after he brought a home-rebuilt alarm clock to school in Irving,...
Except it's actually LARYCIA, and the Lord misspelled it.

Christian College To Fire Professor For Actin’ Christlike Toward Yucky Muslims

Wheaton College near Chicago is a dumb, bad place. It's one of those institutions of higher learning everybody and their intelligent mothers would view as a Safety School, if a life of drug-addled panhandling doesn't work out, but for evangelicals, it's...

FBI Director Said ‘Jihad,’ Everybody Wet Your Pants!

Not that anyone was waiting for further details before screaming OHHH GAWD MUSLIMS, but here it is, your moment of zen: In an appearance on Capitol Hill, the F.B.I.director, James B. Comey, said Wednesday that the couple, who met online,...

Idaho Lawmaker Will Make Sure Kids Learn Science Directly From King James Bible

You know how stupid liberal science textbooks are. They're all, "Once upon a time there was nothing, but then the universe banged itself real hard, and then a bunch of atoms shot out and landed on earth and turned into...
Father Forgive them, for they are dumb as fuck like whoa.

Indiana Lady Pretty Sure She Had ‘Religious Freedom’ To Beat Her Kid To Bloody Pulp

We told you gay-hatin' RFRA laws would open the door to all kinds of new and exciting 'religious freedom' claims. We were right!

Topeka Family Homeschooled 16 Kids Real Good, When They Weren’t Beating ‘Em, Allegedly

We come to this story from a place of concern. We come with a benefit of the doubt. We come with Hearts of Niceness, even. Topeka, Kansas, City Councilman Jonathan Schumm and his wife, Allison Nicole Schumm, have bonded...

Donald Trump Thinks Barack Obama Is An Actual Muslim Terrorist, Better Nuke The White House

Trump's plan for fighting terrorism? Just saying the words 'Radical Islamic Terrorism' over and over again until it stops.

Louie Gohmert Says It’s Not Christ-like To Make Fun Of ‘Special Needs’ Folks Like Hillary Clinton

Louie Gohmert knows Jesus would NOT make fun of Hillary Clinton. Don't you want to be like Jesus?
Oh, wait, you're just murderers, not gay? Well let me think this over. You're sure you're not gay?

Where Were You When Kim Davis Stood Up For Jesus At Columbine?

The Republican debates had so many weird moments that it's hard to keep track of them all. Bobby Jindal explained that the arrest of a Muslim high school kid for building a clock was no big, because Christians are...