Courts

Senate Democrats Announce Plan To Discover Own Balls, Gag Mitch McConnell With Them

Senate Democrats ready to filibuster the piss out of Trump's SCOTUS nominee on day one! SI SE PUEDE!
What are we supposed to do with these finger puppets? What are 'fingers' anyway?

Wonkagenda: Thursday, August 25, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
If he won't look you in the eye, don't let him near your nads

Maryland Cop Loses Job, Self-Respect After Biting Dude’s Balls In Fight

An officer with the Anne Arundel County Police Department in Maryland is no longer on the force after agreeing to a plea deal following a drunken brawl outside a bar in May. We swear we are not making up...

Remember To Vote This November To Re-Elect Justice Scalia For President Of The Supreme Court

Check out the Republican Party, spreading a stinking pile of plucked-directly-from-their-buttcracks lies again. As per usual. This week's elephant dung is the myth that that The American People, not The American President Elected By The American People (TWICE!), have the God-given right to select justices...
SCOTUS Roller Derby Team

Sonia Sotomayor Pissed, Y’all

Sotomayor doesn't think it's OK for cops to illegally stop and search you, then come up with reasons why later. Weird!

BREAKING! Clarence Thomas Is Gross Sex Perv Again, Allegedly

What a shocking story nobody was expecting.

Scott Walker’s Favorite Queer-Hatin’ Judge Will Hate Queers On Wisconsin Supreme Court

<a href="http://wonkette.com/599386/scott-walkers-favorite-judge-was-a-real-queer-hatin-hoot-in-college"></a>Failed presidential candidate Scott Walker had a GREAT night in Wisconsin last night! First of all, his new BFF Ted Cruz won the Republican primary. But EVEN BETTER, remember how we told you about Rebecca Bradley, the judge...

Trump Wants You AFRAID. VERY AFRAID. Wonkagenda For Mon., June 5, 2017

Trump's tweeting a storm, President Bannon's secret failure, and Peggy Noonan has some thoughts. Your morning news brief!

You’re All Making Princess Ivanka SO Sad! Wonkagenda for Mon., June 12, 2017

The Senate Intel Committee wants to hear from everyone, DC and Maryland are suing Trump, and Princess Ivanka has a sad. Your morning news brief!
Every bit as petulant today as in 2003

Sore Winner Darrell Issa Sues Democratic Opponent For Libel Like Big Whiny Jerk Baby He Is

Maybe people hate him because he's a schmuck, not because campaign ads called him a schmuck.

Sonia Sotomayor Wanted To Smack Scalia With Baseball Bat, But Only When He Was Talking

More proof that the Supreme Court ain't beanbag.

Who’ll Leak The Leakers! Wonkagenda For Mon., Feb 27, 2016

Still no 'replace' in 'repeal and,' Sean Spicer's phone problems, and Little Marco explains why he's so damn spineless! Your morning news brief!
Good job, asshole

Americans Want GOP To Do Its Damn Job, So That’ll Never Happen

Today, in No Frickin' Duh News, we bring you this exciting revelation. A totally not shocking in any way new poll shows the majority of Americans think the Senate's shit-sniffing Republicans should try earning their six-figure salaries for once, and...

Paul Ryan Said A Bad About President Trump. Wonkagenda For Tues., March 14, 2017

Republicans TRY to love TrumpCare, the NRA wants you to love Neil Gorsuch, and President Bannon throws Paul Ryan under the bus. Your morning news brief!

Wingnuts Agree: Obama Murdered Scalia Just Like He Murdered Breitbart And America

Well, that didn't take long. Within hours of Saturday's death of Antonin Scalia, the Wingnuttosphere was having a fine old time explaining it's UNPOSSIBLE for a 79-year-old Supreme Court justice to die of natural causes, because Reasons. There has...