National Politics

The Tragedy Of Jeb Bush: A Play In Three Acts, Starring Barbara And Trump

As Chekhov famously said, if you hang Donald Trump on the wall in Act One, he will shoot you in the face in Act Three. Does no one remember the classics? Act the First: Jeb Bush's Mama Sort Of Comes...
He was only wearing it for a costume, he swears.

Donald Trump Doesn’t Want To Press ‘1’ To Hear Jeb Bush Lose In English

Louche stool Donald Trump gave an exclusive interview to Dead Breitbart's Home for Terrified White People on Wednesday, and revealed that not only is he certain he'll be elected president in 2016, but he's pretty sure he'll win re-election in...

This Is A Really Good Song About How Hillary Clinton Is Super Evil And Coughs Sometimes

Sung by your boyfriend, William Tapley, third eagle of the apocalypse and co-prophet of these end times.
It can't be reasoned with It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Dallas Probably Doesn’t Signal Rise Of Police Death Robots. At Least Not Yet. Probably.

The Dallas Police Department's use of a robot to kill the suspect in Thursday's shootings of police raises questions about the next phase in policing technology. We're sure it will be used responsibly, you bet.
Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.

Sarah Palin Does Not Like Smearing Donald Trump With Pee

America's greatest mind weighs in on the Trump scandal du jour.
Who ya got?

Who Would Donald Trump Like To Punch In The Face Today?

Donald Trump, the man who's working hard to make hyperbole redundant, is at it again. At a rally in Las Vegas Monday, the short-fingered fascist wannabe expressed disappointment at the climate of political correctness that won't allow him to...
Reality once again renders the internet moot.

No, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Is Not Resigning Because Trump Won, Or Resigning At All. Jesus!

Ruth Bader Ginsburg isn't resigning from the Supremes, though Diana Ross left in 1970.

Wonkagenda: Tuesday, September 6, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Also a TrekkER, not a TrekkIE

Nice Time! Congress Votes Unanimously To Protect Nonbelievers’ Rights. What Are They Up To????

'The God I don't believe in is a kind and loving God.' -- Catch-22
Looking quite relaxed, here's David Duke on vibes

David Duke Plans Run Against Steve Scalise, Figures Louisiana Ready For Real KKK Guy

David Duke is planning a run for Congress against Steve Scalise, the House Majority Whip, because it's that kind of election year.
Nature is so beautiful. Can't wait to cut it all down!

Oregon Militia Couple Celebrates ‘Take Your Daughters To Armed Insurrection’ Day

In a touching story that proves patriotism is a family value, Oregon Public Broadcasting confirmed Friday there are at least two young children staying at the Bundy Militia Insurge-O-Ree in eastern Oregon, where militants have taken over the Malheur...
Go for it, Rick

Second Tier Loser Republicans Debate Which One Has To Drop Out Next: Liveblog!

It's time for another round of Four Losers Polling At Zero Percent, trying to make you go "Oooh!" and "Ahhh!" and "Sooo presidential!" (Spoiler: You're not gonna do that.) The Real Debate of Alleged Grown-ups -- who threw temper tantrums...
The sleepiest little candidate

Ben Carson Has More Thoughts About Muslims. They Are Dumb, Racist Thoughts.

Last week, Ben Carson, who is currently just about tied with Donald Trump as the frontrunner for the Republican nomination, laid some of his doctorin' knowledge down about how we can't ever elect a Muslim president, because "Constitution" reasons....
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

Half-Term Governor Says Half-Term Senator Too Inexperienced To Be Half-Term President

Shut the front door right now, Sarah Palin, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Oh, we see, your moose chili bubbleth over with rage over that inexperienced "half-term" Canadian-Cuban Senator Ted Cruz, because he was mean to stupid Trump supporters...

FBI STILL Can’t Find Hillary’s Evil Emails. Your Wonkagenda, Monday, November 7, 2016.

James Comey's nothing burgers, Trump's lost his cellphone, and a D.C. pizza bar has secret Satanic sex door. Your Morning News Brief!

Mike Flynn BEGGING To Be FBI Snitch! Wonkagenda For Fri., March 31, 2017

Mike Flynn SO, SO scared he's Benedict Arnold, Trump's going to war with tea party crazies, and a wild Rex Tillerson appeared in Foggy Bottom! Go, Morning News Brief!