National Politics

Stupidest living human? Why not.

Mike Huckabee: If Gays Can Get Married, That Means We Can Buy Black People, Right?

Time for a multiple choice question! Is Mike Huckabee: The world's stupidest living human? Filled with such a seething irrational hatred for gay people, possibly a hatred that lives deep inside his shame-filled Huckapenis, that he literally can't make brain thoughts...
Imagine this on MONEY.

Republicans Rank Hottest Chicks In America On A Scale Of Zero To Ben Carson’s Mom

So, about that big Donald Trump sausage party last night, the one that Carly Fiorina crashed like a common girl who doesn't know how to read a "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" sign on the side of a treehouse? Yeah, that...
Drunk idea man.

Clinton Email Bombshell: John Boehner Probably Blackout Drunk Right Now

Monday brought us another end-of-month dump of like 7000 Hillary Clinton emails from the State Department, and the most important things we learned are: she likes The Good Wife and Parks and Recreation, she wrote the goofiest diplomatic email...
Nothing more patriotic than a flag-waving beaver shot

Homeschool Mom Protests ‘Muslim Indoctrination’ At School Her Kids Don’t Attend

A super-patriotic homeschooling Tennessee mom organized a protest Friday against what she was pretty sure is Islamic indoctrination of children in the public schools, although she pulled her own child out of the public school system last year because...
Two more beneficiaries of unrestricted access to firearms

TV Reporter And Cameraman Shot To Death On Air, Because America

A Virginia TV reporter and cameraman were shot dead on live TV while reporting in Moneta, Virginia, Wednesday morning, and it is definitely too soon to suggest that maybe all the guns floating around the nation are in any way...

Wonkette Hero Evan Hurst Destroys Michele & Marcus Bachmann (VIDEO)

Evan Hurst, everybody! Wonkette's favorite son!
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Mike Huckabee Begs Judge To Send Him To Jail, Make Him Sexy Christian Martyr Too

So, Kim Davis is having a big day! First she woke up in a jail cell and chatted with her bunkmate Myrtle about the best way to hide a shiv inside a Bible (cut out all the compassionate Jesus...
If you can pick out the Girl Reagan, you win an Obamaphone!

Who Let A Girl Into Donald Trump’s Sausage Party? Liveblogging The GOP Debate

Lord have mercy what the fuck was that? It was the Kids' Table Debate, for the kids! Now let's watch the real Top Ten candidates, and also Carly Fiorina as "Carly," clawing each other to death (MEOW HISS!), and making...
Actually, Texas isn't so big on the 'Thinking' either. Just sit there and don't make trouble, OK?

Texas Teen Builds Clock, Gets Arrested For ‘Bomb Hoax.’ Did We Mention He’s Muslim? Yeah.

An Irving, Texas, teenager who loves tinkering with electronics and computers learned an important lesson this week about the American values of hard work, individual initiative, and original thinking this week. And that lesson is that if you exhibit...
Oh look, it's the new face of terror: A bright 14-year old. But he's Muslim!!!!!!!!

Wingnuts Have Had It With That Muslim Teen Terrorist Ahmed Mohamed And His ‘Science’

Of course there's a backlash. Couldn't possibly have any story about a Muslim kid mistakenly accused of making a hoax bomb and then showered with love from fellow geeks, and have that be the end of it. Gotta gin...
How Not to Protect America

Armed Idiot Protects Oklahoma Gun Store From Muslims By Shooting Himself

In Oktaha, Oklahoma, the owners of a local survivalist shop and gun range decided last week that it was high time to jump on the "Muslim-free zone" gravy train, because there's a whole lot of ISIS activity in the...

Idaho State Senator Says Obamacare Just Like The Holocaust, Because Of Course It Is

Idaho state Senator Sheryl Nuxoll does not like this Obamacare thing one bit, and she also does not like that Idaho Gov. Butch Otter is supporting legislation to set up a state health exchange, because what kind of freedom-loving...
Field notes: Subject 'Trumpy' issues 'pant-hoot' challenge immediately prior to flinging feces

Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!

Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and...
The pope has changed my life!

Here Are A Bunch Of Pictures Of John Boehner Crying Alcoholic Tears On The Pope

Everybody knows two things about John Boehner. For one, he cries SO MUCH. Like all the time, about any old fucking thing. Eyelash in his hoo-ha? TEARS. Something about Australia? BOO HOO! Nancy Pelosi said a mean to him? Gonna...
Trump / Trump 2016!

Republicans Want Trump, And If Not Him, Then Maybe Trump Would Do

How much do Republican primary voters love Donald Trump? So much that he didn't only lead the latest CNN/ORC poll, released Tuesday -- the Walking Headcase also led the list of respondents' second choice for president as well. Then again, maybe...
Drop Kick Me Jesus

Georgia High School Adds Baptisms To Football Practice, Benches Constitution

Residents of Villa Rica, Georgia, are astonished that anyone could have a problem with a group baptism of football players on school grounds before a recent F'ball practice. Because they love America, and Jebus, and F'ball -- which is why it...