Elections

Field notes: Subject 'Trumpy' issues 'pant-hoot' challenge immediately prior to flinging feces

Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!

Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and...
Trump / Trump 2016!

Republicans Want Trump, And If Not Him, Then Maybe Trump Would Do

How much do Republican primary voters love Donald Trump? So much that he didn't only lead the latest CNN/ORC poll, released Tuesday -- the Walking Headcase also led the list of respondents' second choice for president as well. Then again, maybe...
We finally realized what Scott Walker's dumb face reminds us of: MST3K's Joel Hodgson *pretending* to be a dipwad.

Scott Walker Doesn’t Think So Good, Hypothetically

Ladies and gentlemen, we would just like to apologize for all the times we've suggested that Scott Walker isn't very bright, because we finally understand where he's coming from. It's not that he's too stupid to answer questions like whether...
Death From Above is Magic

Ben Carson Has Cool Idea For Bombing Mexicans With Drones

Ben Carson may not know anything about actual policy or facts or boring details like how the Supreme Court works, but he's a real quick study when it comes to finding stuff that will excite rightwing supporters. And if...
We could have made a similar picture with Bill O'Reilly's face, but ain't nobody wanna see that.

Fox News Dudes Being Total Girls About Donald Trump’s Sexism

Oh, golly goodness, it would appear that there is once again discord in the House That Ailes Built. After taking a brief vacation, Fox's Megyn Kelly returned to the network Monday night, and Donald Trump drunk-tweeted a bunch of...
Senator, Jesus wants you to sit over there, away from the microphones

Mike Huckabee Didn’t Appreciate Ted Cruz Trying to Hijack His Kim Davis Jesus Party

Mike Huckabee would just like you all to know that if anyone's going to go to jail in Kim Davis's place, it's Mike Huckabee, not that Canadian-come-lately Ted Cruz. Following the hilarious scene Tuesday of a Huckabee staffer blocking...
WHO ME?

No, Donald Trump Did Not Tell That Dumbass He’s Going To Kill All The Muslims

OK, internet, we're going to #slatepitch you for the second time in as many days, and you're going to like it, because Wonkette is right about all the things. The liberals on the computers are currently freaking out over...
OK, but what if the fucker actually won?

Donald Trump Is Your New Ronald Reagan, But Dumber And Less Classy

What you kids need to do sometime today -- and we do mean today; don't put this off -- is to go read Paul Solotaroff's terrific profile of Donald Trump in Rolling Stone, which hit the web Wednesday evening...
Party on

Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies

Jeb! Bush continued a family tradition this week: say something stupid, then say something even MORE stupid in an attempt to explain the first stupid thing. You see, John-Elias-Bush Bush is having a lot of trouble figuring out what to...
Empty-headed fool.

Ben Carson: If The Jews Had Guns, The Holocaust Might Not Have Turned Out So :(

Ben Carson is apparently no longer content to tour American disaster sites, read the names off of memorials, and call all the victims pussies for failing to stand up to the bad guys, with guns. So now he has...
They like representation! They really like representation!

More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions

So here's a big fuckin' deal: Despite decades of declining union membership (thanks, "right to work" laws!), a new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time since the recession, a majority of Americans like labor unions again: Americans' approval...
And a former thug. Grr.

Ben Carson Will Only Visit Families After Next Massacre If Victims Aren’t Such Pussies

Dr. Ben Carson has been sharing a lot of thoughts about the massacre in Oregon, and for a fellow who sort of faded into the background of the first two Republican debates, something about the murders in Roseburg has...
Cry all you want, still gonna call you A Idiot.

No, Bristol Palin, Hillary Clinton Is Not Afraid Of Your Grizzly Mama

OK, now that we have yelled at (some of) The Gays about how Hillary Clinton's "anti-gay" email is kind of no big fucking deal, it is time to yell into the hollow cavity of Bristol Palin's brain, because SHE...
Disney, please hire this guy now.

Your Saturday Nerdout: The World Now Has A Vomiting Robot. Thanks, Science!

It's Saturday, and you know what that means: Nerding Time. And because nothing's nerdier than giggling about bodily fluids like a bunch of 5th-graders, we knew what our Lead Nerd Story had to be: I, Pukebot Researchers at North Carolina State...
A lot, actually

Ben Carson Pretty Darn Angry At Satan For Inventing Evolution

You may have noticed by now that, for a neurosurgeon, Ben Carson is a surprisingly unscientific guy. He was first-rate at cutting into brains and making repairs, but once you get him outside the operating theater, he comes off...
Who would Jesus punch first?

Unladylike Republican Staffers Bar-Fighting Like Common Palins

When young male Republican campaign staffers get together, a few things are always present. 1. Lots of boys who came from Republican homes who were raised with the smug certainty that they are SO MUCH SMARTER AND MANLIER than those...