Congress

Pssst, Senate Voting On Banning Your Abortions Tonight, Because Nothing Else Is Pressing, We Guess

It won't get passed, but it's still pretty disgusting that they're trying.

Trump Dims Hanukkah Lights. Wonkagenda For Fri., Dec. 8, 2017

Trump-Russia denials get absurd, Erik Prince has a power point for his private army, and Trump doesn't invite Jews to Hanukkah. Your morning news brief.
Nope, can't come up with a joke about official portraits.

Will Tammy Duckworth’s Robot Feet Kick Mark Kirk Out Of The U.S. Senate?

Welcome to the second installment of our fun new weekly series on the 2016 Senate races. We have about as many weekends between now and November 8 as there are senatorial races, and so we're aiming to hit every...
See this pie, ISIS? You can't have none!

Maine Republican Takes Bold Stand Against Free Lobster For ISIS Terror Bombers

When you are a Republican from Maine, you have to work HARD to come up with new ways to be a dick. Sociopath Gov. Paul LePage's SPECIALTY, the thing that gives him morning wood, is taking food stamps away from poor...

GOP Benghazi Press Conference Basically Just Trey Gowdy Stepping Repeatedly On Own Dick

Tuesday's Republican Benghazi press conference was as pathetic as you'd imagine.

Sally Yates Knows What Is Unconstitutional And It Is Ted Cruz’s Face!

You come at Sally Yates, you best not miss.
As a former tech support drone, we really wish that green sash in the back said 'RTFM'

Senate Still Holding Up Vote On Obama’s Anti-Terrorism Nominee, In Case You Were Wondering

While we're having thoughts and prayers for the Orlando massacre victims, it sure would be nice if the Senate would actually confirm the guy who's supposed to be leading the fight against terrorists' finances.

Goodbye MAGA Doug, Rootin’-Tootinest Trump Troll In The Whole Wide World

Who you gonna believe, 30 witnesses or 'MAGA Doug'?

Keep Fucking With Kamala Harris, Boys. You’re Making Her Stronger.

Kamala Harris is a badass. Enough said.

Trey Gowdy Accidentally Admits Hillary Clinton Didn’t Benghazi Anyone (Except Vince Foster)

Benghazi investigation chair Trey Gowdy's long, drawlin' roundabout way of saying, 'I apologize to America for wastin' everybody's time for so long, I will leave public service forever and find a job I am better suited for, like makin' taxidermied beavers kiss each other on their purty mouths.'

Trump Wants You AFRAID. VERY AFRAID. Wonkagenda For Mon., June 5, 2017

Trump's tweeting a storm, President Bannon's secret failure, and Peggy Noonan has some thoughts. Your morning news brief!

CBO Confirms Trumpcare Is Still This Dumpster Fire

This turd's beyond polishing

Louie Gohmert Would Have Gotten A Stiffie And Here’s Why

Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert doesn't have an erection right now. (Unless he does.) But Louie Gohmert gets boners sometimes, and he knows sometimes there need to be laws, to protect people from his boners. He explained this to...

Blake Farenthold To Find Out Whether He Can Sexually Harass People In Private Sector

Sex Machine Blake Farenthold seems to be on the fritz.

Newsweek: Other Than The Pedophilia, Mr. Hastert, What’s On Your Mind These Days?

Newsweek? More like News WEAK, amirite?

Irma Gives Trump A Sad. Wonkagenda For Mon., Sept. 11, 2017

Devin Nunes is trying to hide the pee pee tape, the Tea Party doesn't want to help hurricane victims, and George Clooney HATES Steve Bannon. Your morning news brief.