Congress

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Wonkagenda: September 21, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
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Wonkagenda: Tuesday, September 20, 2016

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Too Bad Harry Reid’s Too Shy To Say What He Really Thinks Of Donald Trump

JUST KIDDING, HE IS NOT BEING SHY, HE IS BEING A TOTAL BADASS.

Nancy Pelosi Just Cold Trollin’ Paul Ryan Now, And Also She Hatin’

Pelosi can't stop chuckle-snorting about what a weenus Paul Ryan is, and it's GREAT.

GOP Congressman Would Like To Do Some Texas Justice To Rapist Brock Turner. No, For Real.

Trigger warning, because this Republican might just make you cry. Or cheer. Or both.

John McCain Furious Obama Shot Up Orlando, Created ISIS, Bought Last Bag Of Werther’s Originals

John McCain blamed Barack Obama for the mass shooting in Orlando, because his brain just works like that sometimes.

Senate Republicans Quite Conflicted About Whether To Do Their Job

Oh, what an awkward spot of bother the Grand Old Party has found itself in. Again. Approximately one half second after the world learned of the sudden vacancy on the Supreme Court (and oh yeah, P.S., thoughts and prayers to Antonin...

Here Is Your Daily Affirmation That Republicans Are Dicks

We don't need any reminders that Republicans are the worst. Like, ever again. Seriously, we are all good with this lifetime supply already. Sadly, that doesn't stop them from jumping up and down and waving their hands in the air...

America Might Not Have Embarrassing Clown Louie Gohmert To Kick Around Any More

Presidential candidates aren't the only thing Texas is going to play Hold 'Em with on Super Tuesday, as there is also GOHMERS! Texas Congresscritter Louis Bumblescrunch Gohmert IV (R-Some Shithole) is under attack in his own backyard! No, not from...
Come at me, Bro!

There Goes Badass Harry Reid, Trolling The Living Hell Out Of Donald Trump

Harry Reid is pretty sure Donald Trump is too stupid and uninformed to take the US citizenship test. Harry Reid is correct.

Trey Gowdy Accidentally Admits Hillary Clinton Didn’t Benghazi Anyone (Except Vince Foster)

Benghazi investigation chair Trey Gowdy's long, drawlin' roundabout way of saying, 'I apologize to America for wastin' everybody's time for so long, I will leave public service forever and find a job I am better suited for, like makin' taxidermied beavers kiss each other on their purty mouths.'

Paul Ryan SO MAD At Disrespectful Dems And Their Terrible Horrible Sit-In

Paul Ryan said he wouldn't dwell on the shocking lack of decorum in the House by Democrats who were staging a sit-in to call attention to gun violence. Then he very indecorously dismissed the action as a "publicity stunt" for the sole purpose of raising funds.
I say, I say, why'd you do Benghazi?

Hillary Can Understand Slow Georgia Hick’s Benghazi Questions Just Fine, Thanks

What's so fun about the fifty-eleventieth Benghazi!!!11! hearing is that EVERYBODY gets a turn telling Hillary Clinton how she and Sidney Blumenthal personally murdered four Americans in Benghazi, even the real slow, stupid Republicans from Georgia, like Rep. Lynn...

Iowa Rep. Steve King Worried Transgenders Will Make Ladies’ Armpits All Gross And Sweaty

He can smell what's coming, and PEE YEW!

Congress Votes To Crap Its Pants, Surrender To ISIS

In an inspiring act of defeatocrat cowardice, the House of Representatives voted Thursday to pass its emergency OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ORWELLIAN-NAMED BILL, the SAFE Act, to let ISIS know good job, guys, you're winning, keep up the good work! The...

Glenn Beck Knows Glenn Beck Is A Real Civil Rights Leader, Unlike That ‘Clown’ John Lewis

In which Glenn Beck revokes John Lewis's Civil Rights Leader Card and bestows it upon himself and his audience.