News

Science, Technology Combine To Produce Imporant Political Breakthrough

Today in the "comical e-mail press releases that make for easy posts" file we have this, the latest terrible Twitter thing about nothing. Apparently Bob McDonnell is an asexual robot while Creigh Deeds is a suicidal pederast, on Twitter:...

Allen West Does Hilarious Allen West Impression, Will Murder U.N. With Bald Eagle Of Death

Oh, man, Allen West gave us one helluva knee-slapper yesterday. The president addressed the United Nations, so logically West had to address Facebook. And he decided to give us a treat! Not only did he offer some commentary on...

Saddam Hussein Shoots Down Malaysian Airliner; Time To Invade Cuba

A Malaysia Air 777 has crashed, probably shot down by a ground-to-air missile, over eastern Ukraine today. We are still in the early "very little is confirmed" stages of this story, so get ready for all sorts of maybe-facts...

Word Association Game Reveals America’s True Feelings About Perry

The Washington Post and the Pew Research Center ran some kind of verbal Rorschach test on American voters for comedy -- we can't see how it has much other value -- and asked what was the absolute first word...

A Veritable Masterpiece Of Savvy Politicking, This Obama Star-Gazing Fete

Barack Obama had a cosmology-themed children's gala on his lawn last night, wherein he invited 150 local middle schoolers to come over and check out his bitchin telescopes, but not in a braggy way. Buzz Aldrin and Sally Ride...

No More Book Learning For You Hobos

Since it's the Depression and all, get ready for skyrocketing educational costs! State governments have no munnies for their public schools, and all the private schools wasted their endowments on AIG stock, so increased tuition costs get passed along...

Shasta County Supervisors Going To Get To The Bottom Of This Whole Chemtrails Thing

Do you live in Shasta County, California? If so, you really need to come and collect your County Board of Supervisors, because they just unanimously voted to explore, in a seemingly unironic fashion, the wide world of chemtrails. Unanimously....
I did not do research on that fetus!

Rick Santorum Knows Fetuses Are Cuddle Buddies, Not ‘Medical Research’

Ooh, Rick Santorum said a ZING! at one of the idiots he's running against, Ben Carson, because that's how he's going to get the Republican nomination, by yipping at the other loser candidates like an underfoot Pomeranian. He's ankle-biting...

Important Newz Regarding First Amendment Rights And Truck Nutz

Our most critical free speech rights continue to hang in the balance today: "The highly anticipated jury trial for a woman ticketed for dangling Bulls Balls from the trailer hitch of her truck has been postponed, for a...

Hey, Barack O’Birthday! Here’s To 56 More Years Of Having Bigger Hands Than Donald Trump!

THANKS OBAMA. No really, thank you. And please come back. And happy birthday.
let's read more!

Washington GOP Senate Candidate F-Bombs Reporter For Asking Questions About The News

It can be difficult to run for Senate. Your Wonkette knows; we haven't done it many times because of how difficult it is. Michael Baumgartner, though, is running for Senate against Maria Cantwell, and was righteously pissed off because...

SCUZZLEBUTT QUITS NY-23 RACE! The communist liberal abortion-loving ACORN Stalinist ("moderate conservative") Republican candidate in the NY-23 special congressional election, Scuzzlebutt, has dropped out only a few days before the election. She was sick of getting yelled at by...

Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement

Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally "in it to win" this time: heĀ announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to...

LOOKING OUT FOR FELLOW FEMINISTS: Sarah Palin sez: "I think he's regretting not picking now, I do. What, what determination, and grit, and even grace through some tough shots that were fired her way -- she handled those...