News

Is Barack Obama a ‘Sex Rebel’ Fathered By Jimi Hendrix?

Your book reviewer was hoping to dig into the new collection of Bruce Chatwin’s letters sometime soon, but then we remembered our Wonkette responsibilities, i.e. to finish what we started last week and continue to describe the ways and...

Everybody’s Happy About Senate’s 60-Vote Health Care Squeaker!

Ha ha, those old people had to stay at work until 1 a.m. this morning after being stuck in the smelly old Senate for the entire snowbound weekend, and now Health Care Reform is just another three 60-vote procedural...

Rick Perry Cannot Trust the Communist Post Office With His Mail

Let's say you are Rick Perry, and you have some important information to give to the president. How would you get in contact with him? Well, you could send him a letter, through the United States Postal...

Obama, Everyone Condemn Random Pastor Who Is Somehow Famous

You may have heard there is a random pastor guy in Florida who decided he's gonna burn hisself a whol' bunch 'er K-rans on 9/11! Wow! Big news! Random American hicks hate things that are not like them! But...

8.9 Quake Hits Japan (Live Video Feed)

Yikes ... also, Wonkette's Jack Stuef is going to Japan tomorrow (really! for his "week off"). Good luck everybody! Watch live video from CNN International on Justin.tv
At least he's sorry

NFL’s Roger Goodell Is Useless Goober, Has Better Job Than You

NFL President Roger Goodell held a press conference today in which he apologized for being a completely worthless crapbird in his handling of the league's multiple problems with players who have committed domestic violence and child abuse. He insisted...

JUST LIKE AFTER 9/11: From Drudge: "MCCAIN OFFICE IN DENVER RECEIVES ENVELOPE WITH WHITE POWDER AND DEATH THREAT... DEVELOPING..." This is misleading. It was mailed to the wrong candidate, and the "death threat" was actually a post-it note from...

Of Course Ted Cruz Is THAT Guy Who Will Spoil Star Wars

Before we properly begin Ted Cruz Is A Half-Witted Lick-Knob: Episode MXVIII, let us assure you that we are not that guy. This is a safe space for you to read about what a dick Ted Cruz is, without any risk that we might cram...

George Bush Would Drink Another O’Douls If He Really Had To

The Ohio Senate has had it up to here with all the humanoid-animal demon beasts manufactured almost every day in Toledo petri dishes. George Bush loved waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. It was his favorite thing to do with Khalid,...
Night of the Loving Dread?

HI-larious Irish Marriage Equality Ad Warns Of The Coming Gaypocalypse

This terribly cute promo for the LGBT Noise March in Dublin, scheduled for this Sunday, riffs on horror movie themes, presenting the videotaped testament of John and Mary, hetero survivors of the Gaypocalypse, who have barricaded themselves inside their...

Romney Will ‘Take A Lot Of Credit’ For Auto Industry Comeback That He Mocks Obama For Daily

In 2008, blight on society Mitt Romney called for the government to "let Detroit go bankrupt" in none other than a New York Times op-ed called "Let Detroit Go Bankrupt," published a week after the loser he lost to...
Something something Coppers, something something Passion

Florida Couple Will Let Cops Arrest Them Once They’re Done Boning

In Jacksonville, Florida, a couple on the run from the law -- or at least cornered by the SWAT team as they hid inside a mobile home -- decided that certain things had to be checked off the ol'...

NRA Just Keeps On Getting NRA-ier

So you are a Republican city councilman in Tucson, where your Congresswoman, a judge, some kids, and some folks got shot in their brains to varying degrees of death. And even though you are a Republican, you coordinate a...

Please, Republicans, Ruth Bader Ginsburg Is Dying To Hear Your Crackpot Legal Theories!

Congressional Republicans have an answer to your complaints about their piece of crap healthcare plan. The answer is: RUTH BADER GINSBURG!

Remembering Our Fallen Week: In the Muslin Fashion

The Cordoba Victory Party Mosque continued to inspire America's best passions all over our xenophobic idiot-state, even after our own Muslim president cowardly came out in favor of its "constitutional" right to exist. Famous clown/Senator Carl Levin got smacked in...

Julian Assange Dancing

Yeah, about what you'd expect.