US of America News

Poor murder weapon has to wait to find a new home.

George Zimmerman Can’t Auction Off His Child-Murdering Gun Now, RIP America

Oh, hi, America's sociopaths, looks like you're just going to have to wait for another chance to bid on George Zimmerman's turgid child-killing muscle. The auction site for the 9mm handgun Zimmerman used to shoot Trayvon Martin dead...
So angry they could just... Oh, Christ, that's only supposed to be a metaphor!

All Of America Boycotting Sam’s Club For Hating White Men, Says Stupid White Man

What are precious easily-offended white people freaking out about this week? No, it's not Black Santa, or even the Star Wars on white people. It's that all-American tribute to wretched excess, Sam's Club (Motto: "Like Costco but we don't...

Donald Trump Doesn’t Care Where You Pee, As Long As Your Stream Is TREMENDOUS

You guys, Donald Trump, crazy wild-haired circus elephant currently on track to receive the Republican presidential nomination, is correct about a thing. WHOA IF TRUE. And it is true! He told the "Today" show man Matt Lauer that North...

New Hampshire Paper Regrets Endorsing Chris Christie, Must Have Been Drunk

Sometimes you do really stupid stuff that seemed like a great idea at the time, but you come to regret: falling in love with a psycho who never returns your black T-shirt, getting a tattoo under your navel that...
"Liberty's too precious a thing to be buried in books, Miss Saunders."

Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley Gives Filibuster An Old-Fashioned Talkathon Funeral

Hell of a marathon, Sen. Merkley. And not a Nazi dentist in sight.

Dumb Idiot White House Correspondents’ Association Sucks Up To Trump. We Mean MORE.

The WHCA seems to think it can still develop a very productive relationship with the press. Um, really?
READ A BOOK!

Deleted Comments: That Wonkette’s Being All Fascist And Racist And Defending George W Bush Again

Let's see who's angry at Yr Wonkette this week. Oh, it is everyone who has ever read us, according to commenters we've never seen before.

Fine, Mr. President, If You Insist, We’d Be OK With Australian-Style Healthcare Too

Let's make #AussieHealthcareNow a thing, shall we?
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... Dyin' time's here.

Republicans Eat Each Other’s Faces Off In Yet Another Holy Jesus Debate

We've gotten accustomed to some pretty weird stuff happening during Republican debates, like the audience booing a gay soldier because Gay is worse than The Troops, or one of the candidates turning into a robot, or simply a constant...

Wonkagenda: Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Newt Gingrich hates sex, "Wal-Mart Moms", and Rush Limbaugh is SHOCKED about an old gay man. Here's your morning news brief!

Obama Not Wearing Wedding Ring In Laos, Probably For Gay Muslim Reasons (Again)

Typical Islamofascist gaywad.
He's kind of a pussy.

Donald Trump Used To Think Iraq War Was Terrific, Just Terrific

Donald Trump has been all over the campaign trail lately, yelling about how he was against that stupid disastrous war in Iraq, that he had said this so many times all the time, and this proves that he will...

Paul Ryan Is A Idiot, But Not Enough To Take Speaker’s Job. Or Is He?

Out of the chaos in Congress, following Kevin McCarthy's decision to not become the most inarticulate speaker of the House ever (because SEX SCANDAL, allegedly), a consensus has strangely arisen as sometimes happens in Washington and the political Talking...
And that's how America was made!

Ted Cruz’s Fundie Dad Thinks God Did Bang-Up Job Writing U.S. Constitution

As we all know, Ted Cruz is running to be America's Top Preacherman, explaining how he'll save American Christians from being sent to jail for saying Jesus's name, and he'll also protect all the Jewish churches from homosexuals, too....

End Of World Off To Slow Start

Hey, everybody, better get your butts out of bed and off to your jobs after all, because it looks like the Mormon Apocalypse has failed to materialize. At least, so far. As we noted in our earlier story, some...