US of America News

Breitbart Weeping Salty Tears About Weak, Pathetic, Flip-Flopping President Trump

It's not that we think expanding the war in Afghanistan is so great. It's that we enjoy laughing at Breitbart.
DON'T PUT WORD SALAD IN HER MOUTH.

Sarah Palin Pretty Sure Donald Trump Not In The Tank For Lamestream Mexican Rapists

Meanwhile, Ann Coulter is in the 'denial' stage of her intense grief.
This screengrab is mean as fuck, we are sorry. No we're not.

Fox Twit Elisabeth Hasselbeck: It’s Obama’s Fault We Have To Hate Muslims, Thanks Obama!

Twice-baked halfwit Elisabeth Hasselbeck hasn't vacated the Fox News studios yet, even though she PROMISED she was quitting to go spend more time making PB&J for her Hassel-spawn, and less time helping her cohosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade...
"Liberty's too precious a thing to be buried in books, Miss Saunders."

Oregon Senator Jeff Merkley Gives Filibuster An Old-Fashioned Talkathon Funeral

Hell of a marathon, Sen. Merkley. And not a Nazi dentist in sight.

James Comey Strikes Again (And Again And Again And Again)

We're pretty sure the FBI needs to GO TO JAIL.

Rep. Steve King Will Stop Lady-Hating Racists From Putting Harriet Tubman On $20

Rep. Steve King is just not ready for this kind of change.

Ted Cruz And Bernie Sanders Elected Emperors Of Wisconsin!

Oh what a night it was in the way Up Nort' state of Wisconsin! It was a night that the punditocrats all said Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders, currently both running second place in delegates in their contests, really...

Sarah Palin Literally Just Went Full Nazi. This Is Not A Drill.

We're seriously not kidding.
And that's how America was made!

Arizona Town Pretty Sure Jesus Never Followed The First Amendment Either

The town of Coolidge, Arizona, proudly voted last week to only allow Christian prayers at the opening of public meetings, even after both the mayor and the city's attorney warned that it means the town will almost certainly lose...

Which Game Of Thrones Character Is Steve Bannon? (Whichever Character Just Got Shitcanned)

Oh, now we get it. The throne is made of swords 'cause there's so much backstabbing. That's symbolic. Also, it's your OPEN THREAD!

Barack Obama Would Like To Have A Word With You About Healthcare

The guy whose name is synonymous with Care has some thoughts on what the Republicans want to do to healthcare.

Donald Trump’s African-American Not Actually Donald Trump’s African-American

The man Donald Trump singled out as "my African-American" at a recent campaign appearance isn't a Trump Supporter, but doesn't mind Trump's comments, because he's running for Congress and wow did this ever get him some publicity.
He gets cranky if there's no pudding

Good News, Donald Trump Might Not Even Serve As President If He’s Elected!

In this constitutional scenario, the new president would be either Ivanka Trump or dead Ronald Reagan's corpse farts.

A Few Little Racial Slurs Won’t Knock The Crown Off Miss Teen USA’s Head

There she is, Miss Teen USA! There she is, your ideaaaaalllll! Unless your "ideal" involves not being particularly predisposed to using racial slurs on the Twitter machine. If that is the case, 18-year-old Karlie Hay may not be your...