US of America News

Paul Ryan Campaigning With Donald Trump, But SHHHHHHHH, It’s Too Embarrassing!

They are going to the county fall fest in Wisconsin! They will eat cotton candy and get stuck on top of the ferris wheel together maybe!

What Else Did Vladimir Putin Steal From the DNC?

Exactly how many nudie pictures is the DNC emailing around to itself?
Oh, it's this asshole again

Maine Governor Paul LePage Eated All Your Food Stamps

Great news! Maine, that weirdly shaped state way the hell up at the top of the country, past all the states you ever have even the slightest reason to think about, has come up with a solution to our...
Beast Jebus is BEST Jebus!

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why U Make Baby Jebus Cry, Wonkette? WHY?

Wonkette made fun of Michele Bachmann and Donald Trump's pretended outreach to evangelicals. Clearly, we hate Christians and want to impose Sharia. Duh.

Terrible Canadian Parents Guilty Of Natural Remedying Toddler To Death

Sun Salutations, dear readers, and welcome to the Snake Oil Bulletin! This week we have breaking news about the trial of Collet and David Stephans, the Albertan naturopathic couple whose son Ezekiel died of meningitis. We give fair warning...

OH GO FUCK YOURSELF, DONALD TRUMP JR.

You've seen Junior's shitty Halloween tweet. LET'S ALL PILE ON.

WILD CARD! Get Weird With ‘Trump: The Movie’ Now And Thank Us Later

It's a movie-trailer parody starring Danny DeVito and The People Who Are In That Show with Danny DeVito!

Trump Ghostwriter So, So, So Sorry He Made It Look Like Trump Was Not A Monster

Because he IS a monster, and Tony Schwartz is so sorry if he made you think he was anything but that.
Huhhh... Huhh-huhh. 420, Man. Huhh.

Idaho Transportation Dept. Has Had It With You Stoners Stealing ‘420’ Mileposts

In general, Yr Wonkette is quite open and loving and tolerant toward potheads, who (we hear) tend to be gentle souls who natter on endlessly about how industrial hemp will save the world through Fiber Magic, and then start...
winner winner chicken dicker

Donald Trump Won The Fox News Republican Debate, By Not Showing Up

It's the morning after another fun-filled GOP debate extravaganza sexcitement night, are you still weak in the knees? No, you aren't, because that debate was BORING, mostly because Republican frontrunner Donald J. Trump decided to play hooky because he really...

It’s Official: Republicans Really, Really Hate Book-Learnin’

Republicans don't trust higher education. Yes, we should have told you to sit down first.

Old Handsome Joe Biden Makes Gay Weddings Great Again

Click this, it will make you experience JOY.
Don't joke about the size of his wings. He's hung like a...

Trump Advisor: Donald’s VP Has To Be A White Guy Because Affirmative Action

Donald Trump's new consigliere Paul Manafort guarantees there's no way Trump would consider a woman or a minority for vice president, because he only wants qualified people and doesn't pander to anyone but white males.
Just put a Band-Aid on it, don't be so weak and unprofessional.

Trump Bros Who Beat Up Homeless Hispanic Guy Going To Prison, How Is That Even Fair?

What is this world coming two when two hairy Trump supporters can't see a 58-year-old homeless Hispanic man sleeping, and beat him up and pee on him?

Aw, Cute! Trumpkins Have Their Own Site Now That Says Trump Is WINNING In The Polls!

Once again, we have another dispatch from the Trumperverse, the parallel universe in which Donald Trump is a very respectful and humble person, who is totally going to win this election. As we mentioned the last time we visited...