Local News

Bye Now. Bye-Bye!

Prosecutor In Trayvon Martin Case, Angela Corey, Too Awful Even For Florida

Floridians have kicked out Angela Corey, who botched the prosecution of George Zimmerman. Who'll let child killers walk now?
We dunno.

God Turns His Back On Gay-Hatin’ Tennessee Lawmakers

It's a bad week for gay-bashing political types in the Tennessee legislature. They just KNEW they had an ace in the hole, a sexciting new way to ban the Supreme Court from forcing gaysexual homo-nasty into their Christian throats,...
ryan c, man's pocket Constitution says this is some bullshit, man.

Surprise! Ryan Bundy Goes Full Sovereign Citizen, Declares Self ‘Idiot’ Not Subject To Your Damn Laws

Oregon wildlife refuge occupier Ryan Bundy filed a bunch of nonsense legal paperwork declaring himself a 'sovereign citizen' who is not subject to the law. Oddly enough , he remains in jail.

Freedom Caucus Cockblocks TrumpCare! Wonkagenda For Fri., March 24, 2016

Trump throws his abundance of weight at the House, Rick Perry hates gay diversity, the Senate wants to help you find hot, sexy singles on the Internet. Your morning news brief!
Flim and Flam Flem want their outfits back

Pretend Smart Person Ben Stein Thinks Donald Trump’s A Moron, Endorses Donald Trump

Goddamn Ben Stein let words dribble out of his goddamn mouth hole again, and the Guardian inexplicably wrote them down and printed them.
It was a troubled relationship from the start

Illinois Sen. Mark Kirk Is First Republican To Undorse Trump, Still Doomed In November

Illinois Sen. Mark Kirk has become the first Republican to formally withdraw his earlier statement that he would support Donald Trump. Other rats are still reportedly waiting for reports on the ship's buoyancy.
Screw the cookies. I want the Foreign Relations Committee

Liz Cheney Wins Wyoming Primary, Prepares To CONQUER HELL

Liz Cheney won the Republican primary for the open House seat in Wyoming, putting her on a path to eventual Overlordhood.
We don't understand this unreasonable fear of the Screen Actors Guild

God Tells Alabama Town To Pull Up Its Damn Pants

God has a lot of things on His mind, from intervening in high school football games to stopping abortion by making Office Depot employees behave like dickholes, but unlike mere humans, He really can multitask. So it should be no...

Utah Republican Wishes Porn Would Stop Forcing Utah Republican To Watch Porn

Know those hilarious statistics that say the most sexxx porn is watched by residents of the most conservative states, like Utah? We're not a social scientist, but we'd guess it has something to do with how if something is intensely condemned by...
Cats with guns regret nothing.

Florida Man Sorry He Killed Son, But Just Can’t Stay Mad At His Beautiful Guns

A Florida father who shot his 14-year-old son to death in a freak accident is still pretty gung-ho on guns. He doesn't sound like a fanatic, after all.
The crazy candidate lady Mary Lou is on the left, next to Ted Cruz's insane father.

Texas School Board Candidate Can’t Wait To Teach Kids About Obama’s Gay Whoring Days

Time for a dispatch from Texas, where the book larnin' happens. The Texas Freedom Network, which does the yeoman's work of trying to keep actual education in Texas schools, would like to introduce us to Mary Lou Bruner of Mineola,...

New Orleans Removes Confederate Statues! Wingnuts Totally Reasonable About It, As You’d Expect!

Well shoot, guess nobody will remember the Civil War now.

White House Long Knives Out For Murkowski. Wonkagenda For Thurs., July 27, 2017

GOP backs Sessions, SkinnyCare's chances are slim, and Zinke threatens Murkowski. Your morning news brief.
We're only doing this to get your attention

Racist Maine Gov. Paul LePage Decides It’s The Blacks Dealing Drugs After All

How incompetent is Paul LePage, the racist Hefty bag of bile and moose leavings who's somehow won two terms as Maine's governor? Apart from being so blessedly stupid that he mistakenly allowed a bunch of progressive legislation to become...

Hello, Los Angeles. Won’t You Buy A Girl And Her Husband And Her Official Wonkette Baby A Drink?

Los Angeles, we are to home to you! Currently? Overnighting in an alley behind Wonker Paula's Burbank craft-soap factory, and life couldn't be sweeter! (Or more clean.) Tonight you will come and sing sweet songs of home with us...
All Hail the Risen Blingee

Why Do You Weep? Blingee Lives! Your Saturday Nerdout

Hey, remember how a week or so back we were all bummed because one of the most useful dumb wonderful things on the Internet, Blingee, was going away forever? Turns out that the public reaction was so anguished, so...