OH NO The Democrats Shut Down The Government! In The Future! Say Liars And Idiots And Donald Trump! (Redundant!)
Let's not negotiate with a hostage taker.
Why can't they all just go get shows on TLC?
More dispatches from the Alex Jones custody trial!
How random is Arkansas's Death Penalty? Pretty goddamn random.
The Devil In The Details Went Down To Georgia
Jeff Sessions wants to arrest Julian Assange. That's good, we think! But on the other hand ...
Kill it! Kill it with fire!
How could Jason Chaffetz POSSIBLY have a secret scandal, when there are so many people cleaning out his butt every day?
Trump breaks up with Julian Assange, Alex Jones's custody battle got WHOO BOY NASTY, and Jason Chaffetz wants you to know his pooper is sparkling clean! Your morning news brief!
Next those Hawaii folks will be claiming people born there are eligible to be president.
Hey, remember that time 'The Hill' got punked by a fake military spokesman? That shit never happened under Obama, did it?
AND THEY SAY PUSS-GRABBING DOESN'T PAY.
If you needed any further proof that Trump's plan is to slowly poison everything lovely in the world while simultaneously grinding people to dust beneath his heel just to prove to himself that he can because he is a...
Not only are community colleges tyrannical, they might attract hordes of Muslims who'll do 'weird stuff.'
More wild speculation into Chaffetz's abrupt departure!
Nothing adds to a sexxytime political scandal like some hellfire preaching from the sinning politician's pastor.