Legal

Maybe they shouldn't have taken the baby to Terminus, either

Oregon Couple Going To Jail For Killing Their Baby With Religious Freedom

After losing an appeal before the Oregon Supreme Court, an eastern a western Oregon couple is headed to prison for trying to "faith heal" their two-months-premature newborn son instead of taking him to a hospital in 2011. Dale and Shannon Hickman are...

Bill O’Reilly Sad We ‘Smear Merchants’ Tried To Assassinate Him For His Weird Slavery Comments

Smear Merchants is our new Wonkette house band name, we are calling it now.
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Take Away Our Liberty

Deleted Comment: Genuine ‘Black Ops’ Veteran Defends Best Evil-Fightin’ Sheriff Lady In Texas

We heard from a gent in Texas who had some thoughts on demon liberals and the Constitution.
Too sexy for my shirt

Gun Humping A-OK In Cleveland, But No Umbrellas, You Could Put Someone’s Eye Out

Ohio governor and constitutional scholar John Kasich has rejected a police union's request to ban open gun carry in Cleveland in the midst of Republican National Convention protests, because what's the worst that could happen? Besides, his hands are...
Thanks Obama

Tyrant Barack Obama Bent On Making You Stay Home From Work If You’re Sick

In a Labor Day speech in Boston, Supreme Leader Barack Obama declared himself greater than God, decreeing that he alone held the power of sickness and health over America's workers. Or maybe he announced that he'd signed an executive...

RNC Night Two: Chris Christie Persecutes, Er, Prosecutes The Witch

New Jersey's failed vice presidential candidate took his snub in stride (again) last night by pitching a fit at the Republican National Convention. Governor Chris Christie led the convention in a call and response speech that was designed to...

Jeff Sessions Will White Wash America. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Feb. 9, 2017

Neil Gorsuch snaps at Trump, Sean Spicer spits fake news, and all your late night show videos all in one! Your morning news brief!
Sheriffs don't have to know nothing 'bout birthing no babies

Team Of Evils: It’s Gonna Be A ‘Dead Baby In the Jail Cell’ Kind Of Day

Hey! We found a sheriff worse than Joe Arpaio!

Rick Santorum Knows Unaccompanied Honduran Babies Just In It For The Obamaphones

Rick Santorum cares about one thing, as everybody knows, and that is the children. OK, he cares about butt-fucking too, like, way too much. But we are talking about Rick Santorum and kids and how he is the Number...
Troy Goode and his little boy.

Mississippi Says Nice White Dad Died In Police Custody From Tripping Balls, Ayup

Hold on to your butts, Arkansas and Tennessee, because your dumb neighbor Mississippi MAY be tanked up on some really good acid right now. Or maybe it has made a great scientific breakthrough! Because the state finally released its autopsy...

Mean ACLU Won’t Let Hospital Refuse Ladyparts Care For Jesus Reasons

One day, we will make it big and be rolling in money. Haha not from blogging, silly. Dealing drugs, maybe, or trafficking in delicious baby parts. When we do, we are gonna donate so much monies to the good...

Florida Cops Protect Community From Black Man Lying On Back With Hands In Air

There's undoubtedly a perfectly reasonable explanation for this latest shooting of an unarmed black man. Who was flat on his back. With his hands in the air.
The cross flag lapel pin is a nice touch.

Kansas Prevents Thousands From Voting, Like Jesus Would Have Wanted

Did you hear THREE foreign people have voted in Kansas in the last 18 years? Obviously everybody else should be disenfranchised, then!
12. Years. Old.

Cleveland To Tamir Rice: Being Dead Is No Excuse For Being A Deadbeat

Look, being shot to death by police doesn't get you off the hook when it comes to paying your medical bills. At least according to the City of Cleveland, which filed a notice with the probate court Wednesday, demanding...

Lawyer Sues Over $2.25 Cup Of Soup, Because Sure Why Not

Are you an aficionado of pointless, asinine lawsuits? We at Wonkette sure are! And boy, do we have a good one for you today. A Texas lawyer (two words you never want to see next to each other) by the...
At least he spells good

New Poll Shows Americans Are Total Idiots, Part Zillionteen

It's always fun slash super depressing to check in on what U.S. Americans "think" about "stuff." Sometimes they have good thoughts -- like that Republicans are petty petulant obstructionist swizzle dicks who should do their damned goddamned jobs. Good for...