Teen Rapist Looks Forward To Enjoying College Experience, No Jail Time

David Becker is the new Brock Turner.

Trump And Kellyanne Conway: If The President Does It, That Means It’s *Not* Illegal!

Don't worry, Trump has lawyers telling him all the things he's doing are fine. And they've never steered him wrong before!

Trump’s Immigration Crime Hotline Is Helping Snitches Get Stitches

The Trump administration's Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement hotline call log is searchable online, and that could be pretty dangerous.
Lesbian outlaws

Lesbians Terrorize Hawaii Supermarket With Kisses, Lesbianism

Same old story. Go on Hawaiian vacation, go to grocery store with lesbian lover lady, research various melons (the produce kind, not each other's), kiss lesbian lover on cheek, end up in jail for a couple days for allegedly...
Big Hat. No Health Care

Texas Is In Your Planned Parenthood Records, Fapping To Your Pap Smears

Last week, Texas notified Planned Parenthood of its intention to cut Medicaid funds to the health care provider because heavy-handed intrusion into its citizens' reproductive health is about as "Texas" as adults chest-painting for youth football games. Citing heavily...

Are You Tired Of Winning Yet? Wonkagenda for Wed., Oct. 18, 2017

Trump insults another Gold Star family, the GOP rips off an ACA band-aid, and Steve Mnuchin threatens the stock market. Your morning news brief.

‘Shooting Up Republican Baseball’ Was Not In Bernie Sanders’s Platform

The Tree of Liberty is probably full now. Please stop getting blood on it.
All the gravitas, all the veritas, all the smarmitas

James O’Keefe Releases SHOCK VIDEO Of Hillary Campaign Torturing Puppies

Self-important Hefty bag of slime mold James O'Keefe has released a shocking new video showing Hillary Clinton campaigners in Iowa shockingly discussing ways to get Hillary Clinton elected. The Clinton campaign told Time magazine last week that it suspected...

Ball-Less Wonder Ted Cruz Endorses … Nope, Don’t Care, Talking About This Instead

A 15-year-old girl in Maryland got pepper-sprayed in the face for not being helpful to the police while she was riding her bike.

Gretchen Carlson Gets $20 Million From Fox, Untold Number Of Silkwood Showers

That's only half of what Rupert Murdoch gave Ailes in his severance package, but LA LA LA GUESS THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

Kay And Jared Jewelry Only Promote Women If They Sleep With Their Bosses. IS THAT BAD?

Every kiss begins with Kay, if you want to keep your job.

Zombie TrumpCare Dies Again! Wonkagenda for Tues., July 18, 2017

TrumpCare fails again, the House moves on to money, and Trump screams at Chris Christie. Your morning news brief.

Here Is Your Deep Dive Into The Ted Cruz Dildo Brief

Welcome to your headquarters for comprehensive coverage of Ted Cruz Thinking About Jacking It. We're planning on starting a new vertical that is nothing but stories of Ted Cruz thinking about his penis, your penis, fake penises, and love...

And They Ran, Ran So Far Away! Wonkagenda For Thurs., June, 29, 2017

Republicans are running from Trump, healthcare, and each other! Your morning news brief!

Reagan’s Daughter All Like ‘Hey Trump, Remember That Time My Dad Got Shot?

You know what was pretty awkward? When Donald Trump insinuated the other day that maybe some Second Amendment People would have some way of dealing with Hillary Clinton if she became president and nominated pro-gun control justices to the...

Black Man In Baton Rouge, Alton Sterling, Becomes Hashtag

Alton Sterling matters. Black Lives Matter.