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Wonkagenda: Wednesday, August 10, 2016

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No, I believe *I* have the floor!

Sex-Crazed Michigan Reps Beg For Light Spanking, Ooh Yeah, Just Like That

The sleazy, exceedingly stupid scandal involving Michigan state Reps. Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat, the family-values right-wingers who concocted a fake gay scandal to cover up their real hetero affair, is grinding toward its embarrassing shame-soaked close, with both...

Gayness No Longer A (Legal) Firing Offense? Holy Shit, It’s Nice Time!

Is there anything good at all happening in our Trumpian hellscape dystopia? OMG, there actually IS!

Sandy Hook Parents Murdering Poor Gunmaker, With The Law

So it has been over three years since Adam Lanza shot 20 students and 6 staff at Sandy Hook Elementary, a thing so grim that we can't even make a joke about it, which is saying something. If there...
Don't worry, Macaulay Culkin didn't do anything wrong!

Hooray, ‘Affluenza’ Boy Staying In Jail! Hope He Doesn’t Drunk Kill Anybody There :(

<a href="http://wonkette.com/536305/you-wont-believe-this-rich-kids-one-weird-successful-twinkie-defense-oh-wait-actually-you-will"></a>Remember Ethan Couch, the current title holder of Shittiest Rich Boy Spawn In America? He's the one who drunk-killed four people with his car when he was 16, and then got probation because AWWWWW the poor baby didn't...

Here Is Your Deep Dive Into The Ted Cruz Dildo Brief

Welcome to your headquarters for comprehensive coverage of Ted Cruz Thinking About Jacking It. We're planning on starting a new vertical that is nothing but stories of Ted Cruz thinking about his penis, your penis, fake penises, and love...

Trump’s Travel Ban Tweets Sure To Seal Deal With SCOTUS, You Bet!

How's that plan to EXTREME VETTING Trump's tweets working out?
You're cool with this now, right?

Utah Figures Abortions Too Safe And Easy For Ladies, Fixes That For Them

Utah seems like a terrible place. Oh, must we elaborate on that? Fine. Utah seems like a terrible place if you are a woman who has the misfortune of wanting to exercise your constitutional right to have a medical...
myfriends, my friends, my friends..FIVE AND A HLAF YEARS, ALAN!

Wingnut Heroes To Arrest John McCain For Doing Bad Things

A rightwing radio talker has announced what's sure to be a turning point in the movement to restore constitutional something-or-other to the taking-back of America, and also the freedom and such as, for our once-great nation, hooray! Calling the...
God, that's just so dumb. Doesn't Obama even care that Americans are DYING?

Fox News Says Andrea Tantaros Is Big Honking Liar Who Lies So Much

Who's telling the truth? Andrea Tantaros? Fox News? Both of them? ARE THEY ALL HUGE LIARS?

South Carolina Republican: Reporters, Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Go

Hey, all you smart kids out there who keep a mini Constitution in your back pocket at all times, let's see if you spot the problem with this neat idea: State Rep. Mike Pitts, R-Laurens, Tuesday introduced a bill called...

We Got A Couple Things To Say About New Trump Rule Taking Away Your Slut Pills

On the one hand, birth control is cheaper than a baby. On the other hand....JESUS!!

Teen Rapist Looks Forward To Enjoying College Experience, No Jail Time

David Becker is the new Brock Turner.
Field notes: Subject 'Trumpy' issues 'pant-hoot' challenge immediately prior to flinging feces

Better Watch Your Mouth, Donald Trump Suing Everyone Who’s Mean To Him

Oh, that Donald Trump! He doesn't take it well when people say mean things about him, and he likes to bring a lawsuit now and then, especially when people make him mad by routing airplanes over his resort. Tuesday,...
Whoops! (yes, it's shopped. Kansas is not tropical. Yet.)

Kansas Spanish Language Voter Guides Had Some Totally Tiny Errors, No Big Deal At All

In addition to all of Kansas's other teensy little roadblocks to voting -- like the bizarre two-tier registration system where it's possible for some voters to be registered to vote in federal elections but ineligible to vote in state...