Guns

How Not to Protect America

Armed Idiot Protects Oklahoma Gun Store From Muslims By Shooting Himself

In Oktaha, Oklahoma, the owners of a local survivalist shop and gun range decided last week that it was high time to jump on the "Muslim-free zone" gravy train, because there's a whole lot of ISIS activity in the...
Another day of being forced to make gay pizzas. Sigh.

Why Did Anne Frank Hide Like A Coward Instead Of Killing Nazis Dead Like A Real Man?

Last week, Dr. Ben Carson -- alleged educated person, supposedly in possession of a functioning brain -- offered his innovative Hot Tips For How To Survive A Holocaust. First, man up with a military-grade arsenal so that when the Nazis come...
Nothing classes up the joint like a top hat and monocle

Deleted Comments Of The Week: This Is Clearly A Homo-Sexual Web-Page

What a week! Our Deleted Comments queue fairly groans with vast loads of deleted idiocy, and yet, we find ourselves facing quite the conundrum: While we had enormous numbers of deleted comments, not many of them were really all...

Bobby Jindal Demands Apology From Oregon Shooter’s Father, For Not Loving Guns Enough

Oh looky here, isn't this just so adorbs? Bobby Jindal, the outlaw scumbag Confederate governor of Louisiana, made like a dirty blogger in his mom's basement, and blogged his thoughts about the young man who murdered nine people in...
Jesus probably wants you to buy more gun now

Second Amendment Saves At Least 10 At Community College From Being Alive, F*ck You America

Welcome to your Latest Mass Shooting, America! At 10:40 AM local time, an as-yet unidentified gunman opened fire at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, leaving at least 7-10 10 people dead and approximately 7 wounded (see updates...
That smile is unnatural, is what it is.

Nikki Haley Wishes Black Folks Wouldn’t Be So Ugly About Getting Shot By Police

South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley would just like America's The Blacks to settle down and stop making such a big fuss over the occasional unfortunate shootings of black people by white cops, because if they protest such shootings, the...
Empty-headed fool.

Ben Carson: If The Jews Had Guns, The Holocaust Might Not Have Turned Out So :(

Ben Carson is apparently no longer content to tour American disaster sites, read the names off of memorials, and call all the victims pussies for failing to stand up to the bad guys, with guns. So now he has...
And a former thug. Grr.

Ben Carson Will Only Visit Families After Next Massacre If Victims Aren’t Such Pussies

Dr. Ben Carson has been sharing a lot of thoughts about the massacre in Oregon, and for a fellow who sort of faded into the background of the first two Republican debates, something about the murders in Roseburg has...
Good god we can't even

11-Year-Old Shoots 8-Year-Old Over Puppy, America Remains Free Of Tyranny

An 11-year-old boy in White Pine, Tennessee, has been arrested for murdering his 8-year-old neighbor Saturday after she refused to show him a puppy. The boy shot the girl from the window of his family's mobile home using his...
Take that, Austin!

The One Place In Texas It’s Not OK To Carry A Gun Is In Your Vagina

You know what we love about working at Wonkette? We love coming across a story with a headline like "Cops: Woman Concealed Loaded Gun in Vagina" and having to double-check to make sure it's different from that OTHER loaded-gun-in-a-vagina...
All Hail the Risen Blingee

Why Do You Weep? Blingee Lives! Your Saturday Nerdout

Hey, remember how a week or so back we were all bummed because one of the most useful dumb wonderful things on the Internet, Blingee, was going away forever? Turns out that the public reaction was so anguished, so...
Florida Man was nowhere near as cool

Florida Man With Two Guns Does Road Rage The Best, Shoots Self In Leg

Oh golly, is there anything more exciting than a story where "Florida Man" and "Responsible Gun Owner" are the very same guy? And it's NOT George Zimmerman, we mean? From Fort Myers, Florida, comes this exciting tale of road...
He thinks good

George Zimmerman Opposes Racist Hate Crimes Now, Hooray!

You have probably been wondering, ever since the horrible news broke yesterday, "Say! What does unemployable child-killer George Zimmerman think about the unspeakable killings of two young television journalists in Virginia? I am looking forward to his insights!" Happily, Mr....
Jesus is so proud of you

Magic Bible Words Protect Gun From Grubby Muslim Hands

While some gun shops and ranges have been drawing in the rubes by declaring themselves "Muslim-free zones," a Florida gun manufacturer has hit on the ultimate in anti-Muslim marketing: a semiautomatic rifle that no Muslim would ever dare touch,...
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We've been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you'll be astonished...
Cover you mouth, jeeze!

Jeb Bush’s New Sick Burn Against Trump Is The Saddest Thing You’ll See All Day

Jeb Bush continues to try new ways to slapfight back against Donald Trump, who keeps making mean "Your Mom" jokes at him. Accusing Trump of being a "germophobe," however, probably isn't going to be a winning strategy. But who knows --...