Guns

Do not takesess our precious.

Make America Great Again: Mount Doom, But for Guns

Since America is no longer great, according to certain dimwitted candidates for president, we are sharing ideas to Make America Great Again. Read more entries in the series here. “My preciousssssssssss.” Gun rights extremists are Gollum. Any whisper of an idea...
Empty-headed fool.

Ben Carson Sorta Sorry For Saying Jews Holocausted Themselves, Can He Be President Now?

It appears that someone suggested Dr. Ben Carson ask Jeeves about the Holocaust. You know, the real Holocaust, as opposed to the Republican fan-fic one, where that commie Muslim Adolf Hitler rose to power on a platform of marriage...
Fuck that dumb flag.

Confederate Flag-Humpers Indicted Just For Threatening To Kill Black Children

We can only imagine, as a verified Southern, what it must feel like to be a really shitty, confederate flag-loving moron who can't even manage to finish rubbing his privates against the trailer park's communal sex goat before he hears...
Another day of being forced to make gay pizzas. Sigh.

Why Did Anne Frank Hide Like A Coward Instead Of Killing Nazis Dead Like A Real Man?

Last week, Dr. Ben Carson -- alleged educated person, supposedly in possession of a functioning brain -- offered his innovative Hot Tips For How To Survive A Holocaust. First, man up with a military-grade arsenal so that when the Nazis come...
Jesus needs to fix everybody in this week's Top Ten.

Dumb Duggars, Bristol Palin And Gross Kevin McCarthy. Your Weekly Top Ten!

Oh hi, Wonkers! It's Sunday afternoon, which means we're going to yammer at you for a minute before we go eat bloody marys for brunch. We hope you are having a nice weekend and your favorite sportsball team is playing in a...
Somehow this has become routine

Another Day, Another Campus Shooting: One Dead, Three Injured, Yawn

There was another shooting on a college campus Friday, this time at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff (disclosure: Yr Dok Zoom's alma mater). It occurred at about 1:20 a.m., in the parking lot of a residence hall that houses...
Empty-headed fool.

Ben Carson: If The Jews Had Guns, The Holocaust Might Not Have Turned Out So :(

Ben Carson is apparently no longer content to tour American disaster sites, read the names off of memorials, and call all the victims pussies for failing to stand up to the bad guys, with guns. So now he has...
Mind: Blown

Rand Paul Will Save America’s Children With Some Stickers

Like every other Republican with grand delusions of moving into the White House in 2017, Rand Paul has no idea what to do about America's routine mass shootings. But, as with his fellow Republicans, that has not stopped him from sharing the creaking...
Drunk idea man.

Drunk John Boehner Knows Congressional Democrats Are The Real Oregon Shooter

John Boehner had 11 shots of cheap Irish whiskey, or as he likes to call it, "breakfast," and decided it's a good day to jizz some thoughts out of his cry-hole about what REALLY causes mass shootings. Is it guns? Nah....

Ben Carson Only Mentioned Hitler To Piss Off Liberals, LOL!

Guys. GUYS. It seems we have been at least 13 kinds of stupid dead wrong about Dr. Ben Carson's hot takes on U.S. America. Sure, he says things that we dummy lefties might consider questionable or inflammatory or inaccurate or...
Should somebody call the cops?

North Carolina Teabagger Candidate Needs Your Help Murdering People, We Think

It's time to meet our new best friend, aren't you excited, Wonketariat? Her name is Kay Daly, and she is running for Congress in the North Carolina district currently served by Renee Ellmers, who is an obvious RINO. What's so...

Bristol Palin Must Apologize For Mass Shootings

Unhyphenated fuckhole Gov. Bobby Jindal ranted on his blog Tuesday about who is really at fault for America's epidemic of mass shootings. We were so inspired by his profile in courage and leadership that we decided to consider whom...

Bobby Jindal Demands Apology From Oregon Shooter’s Father, For Not Loving Guns Enough

Oh looky here, isn't this just so adorbs? Bobby Jindal, the outlaw scumbag Confederate governor of Louisiana, made like a dirty blogger in his mom's basement, and blogged his thoughts about the young man who murdered nine people in...
It's always nice to use this picture.

President Hillary Clinton Will Grab Your Guns, Do Benghazi To Them

UH OH, small-dicked white men, you guys got a problem, and it is your new president, Hitlery Clinton. You see, she laid out a whole new plan to take everybody's guns and force them to renounce Jesus establish some sensible...
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a General Electric GAU-17/A minigun...

Florida Would Like To Give You $200K For Killing Someone, As Long As It’s ‘Self-Defense’

Florida has a nifty new variation on "Stand your Ground" legislation in the works. Not only would it make it easier for criminal defendants to escape murder prosecutions by claiming self-defense, but it would also require the state to reimburse...

Sheriff Investigating Oregon Massacre Likes ‘Oath Keepers,’ Sandy Hook Truthers. Oh, Fun.

Since the horrific shootings at Umpqua Community College last Thursday, the Internet has discovered oodles of fun stuff about Sheriff John Hanlin, whose office is investigating the murders. For one thing, the month following the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre,...