Fox Doc Keith Ablow Being A Jerk To All The Lazy, Potted-Up Millennials. That Is Wonkette’s Job!

Snotnosed Millennial brat thinks "Dr." Keith Ablow is not even the boss of him, whatever.
Bernie has his Truth Finger going

Bernie Sanders Jumps On ‘Don’t Be Schmucks To Foreigns’ Bandwagon

Bernie Sanders is not going to let Barack Obama get away with being the only guy condemning the wave of anti-refugee hysteria. He would like you all to know that he too has had it up to here with...
Let's say it together: He seems nice.

‘Sovereign Citizen’ Porn Producer Decides He’s A Doctor, Nevada Disagrees

Yet another sad development for freedom, as the fascist authorities of Nevada have arrested a self-trained "doctor" who claims to have "performed dozens of abortions, circumcisions, castrations, root canals, even cancer treatments." Rick Van Thiel doesn't have a license or...
You can tell he's a thug from a shady neighborhood.

Black Middle-Schooler Charged With ‘Stealing’ Free Milk From Lunch Line, For Some Reason

A Virginia middle-schooler was charged with larceny and suspended from school after a cop accused him of 'stealing' a 65-cent carton of milk that he was entitled to have as part of his free school lunch. Franz Kafka would be proud.
Danger! Teachers may have opinions you don't like!

College Prof Who Told Class She Fears Trump Goes Into Hiding After Death Threats. What Silly Fears!

A college teacher said unkind things about Donald Trump and Mike Pence, and now College Republicans are demanding a safe space.

Trump Inaugural Poem By Self-Published Poet Is Epitome Of Trump: It’s TERRIBLE

The Trump poem is so bad you guys that the part where he insults Trump's 'tyrant' predecessor is the least offensive part of it.

Idaho Lunatics Pretty Sure Proposed Community College Will Spread Book-Larnin’, SHARIA LAW

Not only are community colleges tyrannical, they might attract hordes of Muslims who'll do 'weird stuff.'

Pence Appoints Totally Random Non-Law-Practicing Lady As Indiana Judge, Because Go F*ck Yourself Is Why

Her only job experience has been running Sylvan Learning Centers. That is not a joke.
It's always nice to use this picture.

Gun-Lovin’ Texas Heroes Will Show Everybody How Fun Mass Shootings Really Are

If you're a paste-chomping weirdo, you've been watching the news and thinking, "Wow, another mass shooting. When do I get to be involved in something like that?" A group of gun-fondling Texans who truly believe all citizens should be...
What? This .gif is totally relevant, NO YOU SHUT UP.

South Dakota Governor Doesn’t Want To Peek At Kids’ Junk In The Bathroom For Some Reason

In February we told you about a whole passel of lesbogaygender-hatin' bills being considered in the great state of South Dakota. And for once, we can report that there is GOOD NEWS about one of those bills, specifically HB...

Scott Walker Ends Climate Change, By Censoring It From State Website. Thanks Scott Walker!

Scott Walker takes the lead in throwing climate change down the memory hole.

NC Senate Republicans Slash Education — In Democrats’ Districts. No Reason, Just To Be Pricks

North Carolina Republicans don't take kindly to having to stay up late.
Actually, Texas isn't so big on the 'Thinking' either. Just sit there and don't make trouble, OK?

Texas Teen Builds Clock, Gets Arrested For ‘Bomb Hoax.’ Did We Mention He’s Muslim? Yeah.

An Irving, Texas, teenager who loves tinkering with electronics and computers learned an important lesson this week about the American values of hard work, individual initiative, and original thinking this week. And that lesson is that if you exhibit...
Why can't kids learn about the Middle East the way their parents did, ya dern galoot?

Tennessee Rep. Will Banish Islam From History. You Know, For The Kids

In a great victory for Tennessee religious freedom, a state representative is pushing a bill that should satisfy all the terrified parents who are pretty sure the state's public schools are hotbeds of Muslim indoctrination. State Rep. Sheila Butt...
The website has two full paragraphs explaining the 'significance' of this t-shirt.

Stupidest Man On Internet So Sad For Oppressed Wisconsin High School Racists

Five students in Elkhorn, Wisconsin, will be disciplined for shouting "Donald Trump! Build that wall!" (and allegedly other racial slurs) at black and Latina high school soccer players from visiting Beloit Memorial High School last week, and Jim Hoft,...

John Bolton Wants To Pick A Fight! Wonkagenda for Thursday, December, 15, 2016

Trump scares weapons merchants, John Bolton scares everybody, and Alex Jones learns about "The Streisand Effect". Your daily news brief!