Recipe Hub

Does Yr Wonket like to cram things down your throat? Yes! Yr Wonket DOES like to cram things down your throat! Delicious things. Here are some of them:

Hey Idiot Juvenile Wonker Pals, Here Is Your Valentine’s Day Boner Juice

This special potion is well-known in the Caribbean to give menfolk virility. It's hard to imagine a beverage better-suited for Valentine's Day, when we celebrate everlasting love (with everlasting boners). Treat your sweetheart right by drinking down one of...

Appetizer Recipe To End All Recipes: Dates, Bacon, Blue Cheese And Toasted Pecans

You are going to need a non-defective air bag to even THINK about this recipe. I’m about to t-bone your taste buds with four ridiculous flavors. What do we have here? Only dates stuffed with Danish blue cheese, wrapped...

It’s The Perfect Time For Some Slow-Cooked Dal, Indian Style

Such a crazy, busy week, and a perfect time for Teen Taal dal (Three Note Dal) -- black lentils with kidney beans and chickpeas, stewing all day in a slow cooker. Man am I going to fill you up...
"And so what happens in this room?"

Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere. Whatever the hell "monkey bread" might be -- something racist, we assume -- it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy...
Viva sandino!

Raise Less Corn, More Hell

Everything your mother should have taught you, and that mine did. Happy Mother's Day, sweetlings!

If You Even Know What Love Really Means, You Will Make This Almond Cake From Scratch

Baking a cake from scratch is the best way to show your love for someone on his/her birthday. With a little extra time and effort, mindfulness about your ingredients, and the right techniques, you can bake a really good...

Here’s Your MMMM Delicious Mustard Sauce For Super Easy Crockpot Corned Beef

Isn't it nice to have dinner mostly ready when you get home from a long day of furiously refreshing Wonkette at the office? A slow cooker makes that easy while minimizing the risk of burning your house down. Let's make a...
Jam! Outdoors! Outdoor jam!

Lather Up Your Sexy 4th Of July Body With These Homemade JAMS!

Is your 4th of July hot, steamy and patriotic? Cool your body off with some nice summer JAM! This recipe was originally published here, but now it is here! Enjoy! Are you sick and tired of buying factory made jam?...

Make These Criminally Good NSFW Gingerbread Cookies

Here is your holiday gingerbread cookie recipe, one I am ever so glad to present. Gingerbread is a cookie that tells you exactly who it is while it bakes because the aroma is very specific and recognizable. “It smells...

Line Your Morning-After Gut With These Brunch Potatoes

These potatoes are the perfect anchor for Sunday brunch, whether you're having yours at the traditional time or in the wee hours when you get home from last call. A crispy potato cube with runny egg yolk dripping all...

Relax With A Boozy Old Fashioned Lady

Do you enjoy cocktails made with egg whites? Of course, you do. Oh, you over there, you say you don't? How can you be so sure if you've never even tried one? Try one; try this one. It is...

Drop It Like It’s Hot: Your Friday Cocktail Hour Gin And Juice

Did you know that grapefruit is in season? Did you already run out and buy a big bag? Perfect. Let's drink 'em. We need to juice them, but the juicer we usually use for citrus cannot handle the size of...
See the lady in the background carrying some pasta salad?

We Salute You, St. Joseph Of Cupertino, With Flying Friar Pasta Salad

September 18 is the feast of St. Joseph of Cupertino, a dimwitted 17th century Italian monk. He is the patron saint of test takers because when he was about to take an exam, he prayed that he'd only be asked...

Grown-Up Baked Mac And Cheese Recipe For Grown-Ups

Baking macaroni and cheese on a Monday night was a miserable experience. I had to boil water, tear the hell out of cheese, make a sauce, and then bake this whole deal before I had a chance to take...

Make This Leftover Stuffing Strata For Your Guests Who Refuse To Go Home

Are your Thanksgiving guests still lingering? Maybe if you feed them a hearty breakfast and tell them the leftovers are all gone, they'll get the fuck out. Regardless, this recipe is an excellent morning-time use of leftover stuffing. Strata...

What Is Wonkette Ramming Down Your Throat Today?

Corn dogs. It has come to this, and the devil is dancing tonight! Corn dogs are the terribleness I was up on Faceborg, drunk, and Trix found me out. I have been dispatched to bring this special summertime delight to...