2016 Presidential Election

What are we supposed to do with these finger puppets? What are 'fingers' anyway?

Wonkagenda: Friday, August 12, 2016

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Been a while. We missed this one.

Senior Trump Advisor Alex Jones: Obama, Clinton Possessed By Real Demons And Also They Smell

No, he thinks they are actual-factual Bible devils from Hell (and The Exorcist). Seems legit?

Hell Yeah, Jeb Bush Would Murder A Baby!

Jeb Bush is soooooo pro-life, he will defund women's healthcare because come on, how much do we really need to spend on vag checks for cancer, right? Jeb Bush is soooooo pro-life, he will use the power of Big Government...

Marco Rubio’s Plan To Defeat ISIL Is Whatever You Want It To Be, Baby

The senator-in-name-only from Florida has unveiled his plan to kill all the terrorists to death, and it's adorable, you guys! When I am president, what I will do to defeat ISIL is very simple: whatever it takes. Awww, isn't that just...
Can we fix it? No, it's fucked.

We Won’t Have Jeb Bush Or His Exclamation Point To Kick Around Anymore

We'll have your full Nevada/South Carolina wrap up for you bright and early Sunday morning, but there are some things you gotta get on right away. Or at least, just as soon as you've finished your soup. Jeb Bush's...
lalala I can't hear you

Donald Trump Doesn’t Have To Concede. All He Has To Do Is Lose.

Donald Trump, according to everybody, challenged either a pillar or a cornerstone of American Democracy at Thursday's debate when he said he'd have to think over whether he'd agree that he lost if he loses. One way or the...

Reince Priebus Just Wants To Know If He Can Get A Smile From A Pretty Lady

If there is anything women really like, it is for sure when men tell them to smile. I cannot tell you how my quick runs to the grocery store for half & half, my bus trips, and even my...
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Fires Pope For Being Bad At Jesus

Holy shots fired! Even New Pope Frank has some unchristian things to say about a certain candidate whose hat he definitely isn't wearing on his blessed head anytime soon: “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not...
You're fooling yourself. Equestria is a dictatorship

Deleted Comments: Wonkette’s Crackhead Pretense Of Liberalism Isn’t Fooling Anyone.

How is Wonkette being a dumb stupid jerkoff Shillary for Hillary today? All of the ways!

Ross Douthat Knows Donald Trump Is Totally Obama’s Fault

It has brought us no end of joy to watch the GOP try to run away from Donald Trump, pretending that particular monster is not the fruit of their own racist, sexist, and rage-filled loins. (Ewww. We just grossed ourselves...
Looking quite relaxed, here's David Duke on vibes

David Duke Says Hillary Clinton Wants Black Men To Kidnap You From Walmart

He says she wants to genocide all the white people.

House Democrats SO PISSED OFF At James Comey Right Now. Let’s Irresponsibly Speculate Why!

Wonder what Comey could have said that made ALL THE DEMOCRATS blow a gasket.

Devin Nunes Would Like To Run His Dumbass Mouth Hole At You Some More, Please

Also, Adam Schiff is PISSED Y'ALL.

Donald Trump’s Sweet Old Butler Miiiiight Be Kind Of Racist, You Guys

He would also like to lynch some folks.
Maybe she's just resting her eyes

Jeb! Bush Promises Not To Sleep Through Next Debate

With the next Republican primary debate coming up on Wednesday, Jeb! Bush is looking to present a more exciting profile than he has previously, vowing to increase his energy level to show his supporters that he really is a...