2016 Presidential Election

Wonkagenda: Monday, August 22, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW
"This is going to cost someone $5 million one day, Barry."

Wonkagenda: Thursday, September 29, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Take Away Our Liberty

Deleted Comments: Don’t Call Trump Supporters Thugs. They’ll Kick Your Pinko Ass

Greetings, Ye Wonkers! We're back with all the comments that weren't fit to keep printed, and we've got a bit of a backlog to work through. Fortunately, there's no expiration date on deleted comments: They're usually rancid to start...
The exact face ol' Carleton was making when she said the thing she says she didn't say.

Liar Carly Fiorina Lying About New Thing

Let's check in with old Carly "Misspeaks A Lot" Fiorina. Is she misspeaking a lot, about a new thing? Or is she being not fully honest? Stretching the truth an eensy-weensy bit? Fuck no, she's just cold lying, the...
Donald Trump brought his favorite album

Republicans Demand Kinder, Gentler Debates With Multiple Choice Questions

Following Wednesday's GOP primary debate in which mean CNBC moderators asked him questions that required him to do math or lie about that decade he shilled for quack cancer cures, Dr. Ben Carson decided he's had enough of biased reporters who...

H.A. Goodman, We Are Sorry For Your Loss

Please enjoy this video of H.A. Goodman being extremely, painfully wrong, again and again, about the inevitable indictments to be handed down against Hillary Clinton and all of her staff for being the biggest email criminals ever, or at...

History’s Greatest Love Affair: Donald Trump and Geraldo Rivera

Donald Trump and Geraldo Rivera have a complicated relationship. They theoretically have undying love for one another (but not in a gay way, because no homo bro) yet is that love really possible when they each adore themselves so...

Ben Carson To Defeat Terrorists By Politely Telling Them To Cut That Out, Guys

While the politically correct evil tyrant pussy president sits around not defeating ISIS by bombing errryone to radioactive smithereens, Dr. Ben Carson is busy thinking up great thoughts about how to git r done, and here is a new one he thoughted...

Ted Cruz And Bernie Sanders Elected Emperors Of Wisconsin!

Oh what a night it was in the way Up Nort' state of Wisconsin! It was a night that the punditocrats all said Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders, currently both running second place in delegates in their contests, really...

Wonkagenda: Monday, October 10, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Glenn Beck Loves Ted Cruz So Much He Wants To Lose Weight For Him

Do you guys remember Glenn Beck? Gray-haired fellow, wept a lot? Preppy clothes? Opened his own weird America-loving clothing line, broke his brain? Not ringing a bell? Did we mention the part where he was a literal crying machine,...

BREAKING! Clarence Thomas Is Gross Sex Perv Again, Allegedly

What a shocking story nobody was expecting.
Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?

John Kasich Can’t Win Nomination, Says That’s No Reason He Can’t Be Nominee

John Kasich has a cunning plan to be the next Republican presidential nominee. It goes a little something like this: use his "moderate" inside voice during debates, avoid discussing the size of Donald Trump's dick, and hope the Republican Party hands...