Riley Waggaman

644 POSTS 4 COMMENTS
Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

How Irresponsible Is Putin? Let’s Ask This Russian Guy Who Embezzled a Billion Dollars

Like all karate black belts, Vladimir Putin is incapable of anticipating anything. He's “not someone who sets strategic plans; he lives today.” He's as unpredictable as a menopausal woman . Sometimes he even barricades himself in his Kremlin nuclear...

Will Putin Spend Retirement Sunbathing In Miami With All The Other Airplane Murderers?

Cheer up, Vlad. Being accused of blowing up an airplane isn't the end of the world. Worst case scenario, you can always move to Florida. Just ask CIA-trained terrorist Luis Posada Carriles, who managed to escape from prison while...
Sweden is also famous for its meatballs

Hunt For Secret Russian Sub Captures Old Man Looking for Swedish Fish

The first sign that Time magazine was pooping on the truth came on Oct. 22, when it reported that “Swedish intelligence had detected a distress call from somewhere in the Stockholm archipelago.” The legendary hotbed of native advertising went...
Has Putin no shame?

Ukrainian Nazis Seem Nice

The conflict in East Ukraine is “a choice between civilization and barbarism,” warns Ukrainian president Petro Poroshenko, obviously alluding to the Associated Press photograph of “a Ukrainian volunteer soldier, with emblems of WWII SS Galician division.” What was once...

Is Putin Spreading Ebola? Sure Why Not

With Ebola now killing 0.000001% of Americans who might have otherwise died naturally from self-inflicted gunshot wounds, diabetes, car accidents or no-knock, wrong-condo SWAT raids, The Washington Post has bravely asked what you are already thinking deep within your...
But this time without Patrick Swayze, RIP

Don’t Sanction Me, Bro! (Dispatches from the Motherland)

Russia. How "serious" is it? Medical experts still don't know, but President Obama thinks it may be as dangerous as a hemorrhagic fever that causes traumatic diarrhea, usually followed by death. For some obscure reason, this honey-dipped flattery wrapped...

Occupation Dispatch #10, In Which Riley Prepares To Be Cleaned & Beaten

Hello again! Your #OWS correspondent has returned from a weird, rainy night full of .... cleaning? In the above YouTube movie, we see two park savages frantically trying to sweep away all of the bodily fluids and hypodermic needles...

Nice Cops Escort Protesters Onto Brooklyn Bridge, Then Arrest Them All

More than 700 evil hippies (including two 14-year-old girls and a New York Times reporter!) were arrested Saturday afternoon, after the New York Police Department escorted protesters onto the Brooklyn Bridge and then wrapped everyone in orange Freedom Netting....

Occupation Dispatch #7: Mass Arrests & Total Craziness At Brooklyn Bridge

A full report is coming shortly (?) about today's insanity on the Brooklyn Bridge, but in the meantime here's a video ... and then, after the jump, some Exclusive Wonkette Protest video your day editor shot on Friday. Now...

NYC Protesters Receive Hobo Bean Care Packages

Hello! Here's a "lost dispatch" from last night, when your Occupy Wall Street correspondent temporarily fled Zuccotti Park, mostly due to looming thunderstorms/cowardice. (The NYPD has prohibited the use of tents and all tent-like structures, hooray.) Anyway! This collection...

Occupation Dispatch #5: Radiohead Unplugged & Massive Demonstrations

Greetings from Zuccotti Park, where everything is going apeshit crazy at the moment. We just returned from a march around Wall Street -- the largest we've witnessed since Sunday. There will be an even larger rally and protest at...

Wonkette Operative Is Legal Hero At Wall Street Occupation

Here's a quick report from the Occupy Wall Street camp before your correspondent takes a shower break in Brooklyn: Veteran Wonkette commenter and former executive director of the National Lawyer's Guild Riverside68 is fighting the cops, in court! We...

Wonkette Interviews the Peaceful Park Dweller Hippie Fiends!

The Park Dwellers: In Their Own Words! Watch this brave anonymous high school teacher ("I hope my principal doesn't see this") talk about what's happening in New York that the National Media (all based in New York) refuses to...

NYC Protesting and Palling Around With Anti-Terror Militarized Police

Good morning! Your dutiful Occupy Wall Street correspondent is still embedded with the Sandinistas of Zuccotti Park, who still want to destroy America with their nonviolent opposition to living in a terrible banana republic. We even accompanied the park...

Michael Moore and the Granny Peace Squad Occupy Wall Street

Hello friends! Your Occupy Wall Street correspondent spent the day familiarizing himself with the park-dwelling lifestyle (pro tip: poop at McDonald's, not in your pants) and meeting the treacherous peaceniks that he will be spending an entire week with....

American Media Hates Peaceful Protesters For Not Being Violent Pigs

Occupy Wall Street has just completed its ninth day -- but you wouldn't know, since America's glorious free press is too busy covering the Big Stories: "New Ben and Jerry's flavor in poor taste?" and "Man with broken leg...