Ken Layne

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

U.S. Soldiers Changing Hearts & Minds By Urinating On Dead Muslims

Everybody supporting the troops a lot? Here they are "finishing the job," with the primary job being "killing Muslims everywhere" and the finish being "ritually urinating on the bloodied bodies." Afghanistan, the war that keeps on giving! These soldiers...

Thanks For Ruining Our Weekend, GOP! Liveblogging Debate #666

Ready to ruin your Saturday night? Then please join us, as we liveblog the New Hampshire ABC News secret-handjob 2012 debate. Let's hurt together, the way Santorum would want Jesus to hurt us, should we accidentally have the buttsex....

Obama Installs Consumer Chief, Officially Makes Citizens ‘Consumers’

Citing a pressing need to legally redefine Americans as "consumers" before they get any other big ideas, President Obama today appointed his choice to lead the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The appointment bypassed the Senate, because the Republican...

Ron Paul Is (Briefly) the Winner of the Iowa Caucus!

Haha, what the hell is going on in Iowa? Ron Paul is winning right now, with 15% of the Iowa Caucus Pie Socials reporting, while the disgustingly frothy Santorum Surge has sprayed all over Mitt Romney's $25,000 suit. (Don't...

Richard Nixon and George Bush Sr. Wish You a Happy New Year!

Here comes 2012, everybody! Hopefully you're not sitting in your office like Richard Nixon used to, while everybody else was smooching and drinking champagne or whatever, in the Lincoln Bedroom. Consider this your Open Comment Thread for the first...

2012: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy As the Human World Breaks Apart

The modern idea that human civilization would collapse in 2012 supposedly goes back to another overextended American empire on its last legs, that of the Maya. But like so much wrong thinking now popular in today's United States, this...

‘Twas the Night Before Iowa … (A Visit From St. Reagan)

'Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses...

Nobody Likes GOP Or Obama, So Third Party Hero Will Waste Nation’s Time

Republican candidates are all so awful that there's a new frontrunner every week. Barack Obama, meanwhile, seems dedicated to little more than enraging his own supporters while also doing nothing about the economy while also turning America into a...

Everything Must Go! Iraq War Joins 2011’s List of Worn-Out Evil Things

Our latest War Against Iraq is over, did you hear? The NYT home page helpfully put the years of the war in the headline, like you might for an obituary of Amy Winehouse or Dick Cheney: 2003-2011. That's a...

Herman Cain Bravely Quits Campaign For White House

Dumbo grabass Herman Cain has "effectively quit" his hilarious presidential campaign. With Jon Huntsman and Ron Paul refusing to take part in the War On Xmas/Donald Trump clown show, Herman's departure is greatly endangering 2012's comedy potential. 999 4EVR!...

Donald Trump To Moderate Holiday Republican Debate

Remember a few months ago when the Republicans were excited about ... right, Donald Trump? And then something happened, we never knew exactly what, and he was "no longer a viable candidate." His multi-million ill-gotten fortune couldn't have been...

Republican Strategists ‘Frightened To Death’ By #OWS Movement

While the Occupy Wall Street movement can sometimes seem to be more about tents and police and pepper spray than the crushing economic injustice in this country, Republican political operatives are having no trouble at all figuring out exactly...

California Destroyed By Blustery Day

Back when California used to have the nation's top public schools (instead of the worst) and biggest state park system (instead of locked-gate meth-lab forests) along with lots of good-paying jobs and an entire population of fit, beautiful, tattoo-free...

Oil Industry Senators Decide They’ll Just Allow That Tar Sands Keystone Pipeline Anyway

The oil industry millionaires known as "Republicans in the Senate" have decided to fix that whole Obama/Keystone tar sands/global disaster/dirtiest possible fuel problem by making their own rules that will override the State Department, so that the oil industry...

Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl

Not even Republican primary voters wanted Sam Brownback as a presidential candidate, so the right-wing nobody went back to Kansas, both metaphorically and literally. He's governor of Kansas, apparently. And he's still a thin-skinned jerk. We learned these facts...

Turkey In Wholesome American Guts: Thanksgiving Prayer 2011

We began posting this Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs back in 2006. And something weird has happened in the years since. The deadpan list of Bloody American Triumphs sounds less like sarcasm in our Terrible Year of the...