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Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again

The terms of News Corp's CEO, chairman, and destroyer of all things good in media Rupert Murdoch's divorce from his pie-jacking, badass, third wife Wendi Deng Murdoch are set to be finalized in front of a New York judge...

Girls’ Basketball Coach Fired For Boobs That Are Too Touchable; Football Coach Fiance Gets High Five Probably

Today in "dumb and kind of sexist ways to get fired from your job because of Facebook," we submit one Laraine Cook, erstwhile girls' basketball coach from Pocatello High School in Idaho. Coach Cook, for a full 24 hours...

Michelle Obama Now Ruining White House With Foreign Godless Pagan Un-Christian Hindu Festival Of Light

Namaste! And Happy Hindu Festival of Lights, or Diwali, Wonketteers! Did you even know that Diwali is a thing that you are missing right now if you are not of the Hindu persuasion, or maybe Michelle Obama? Because Michelle...

Rand Paul Endorses Butt-Sex-Banning Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli For Gov With ‘Gattaca’ Wikipage Plagiarisms

Y'all remember that awesome movie Gattaca from 1997, where Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke fell in love in real life, but on the side made a movie about the government doing eugenics? Not a whole lot of people saw...

Philadelphia Cops Indicted For Violating Civil Rights, Being Gross Wankers

What up Philadelphia? Just all being the City of Brotherly Love, right? And what is more brotherly or loverly than Philadelphia cops busting into an abandoned house on a drug raid only to find some dude and his chick,...

Reverend Billy Graham, Devil-Expert Charlie Daniels Totally Sure The Rapture-Christ-Pocalypse Is Near, For Real This Time

Aw yeah, it's that time again folks. The end times, you hear? Time to get right with the Lord and take stock of your personal relationship with Jesus Christ, because the apocalypse trend is back again, hotter than hell-fire....

Lindsey Graham Sorry, So Sorry, Please Accept His Apology

While the "world watches" America threaten to destroy the global economy, it's "eat your own" time for the Republicans, otherwise known as "the people in charge of making sure America does not destroy the global economy while the world...

Values Voter Summit Speaker Dr. Ben Carson Calls Obamacare Slavery, Because Of Course He Does

This whole government shutdown slash Obamacare thing sure has given the GOPers a lot to talk outloud about lately. Ted Cruz gathered "thousands" of vets for a "million" vet march to make speeches about the government shutdown Ted Cruz...

Sarah Palin’s Facebook, GOP, So Mad About Memorial They Shut Down

Hey GOP, how's that Shutty-Downy stuff working out for ya? Not good, eh? Starting to think that maybe using a government shutdown as a political ploy to stop that Obamacare law was maybe a terrible idea? And now you...

Rick Perry’s Wife Says Thing About Abortion, Is Immediately Corrected By Loving, All-Knowing Husband

This weekend, when some guy named Evan from the Texas Tribune asked what Anita Perry -- missis to Rick -- thought about all the abortifying going on down in Texas that her husband is so obsessed with getting rid...

The Super Awesome Government Shutdown Blame Game Has Begun

Well all right then. The government shutdown happened. While some Republicans were calling this "dance" something to "compromise" and "negotiate" into giving them exactly everything they ever wanted ever, and Democrats were "refusing to be extorted," the clock instead...

House GOP Does Not Stop Obamacare Again, But Will Probably Shut Down The Government Pretty Good

Ever since the White House was overtook by Barry the Kenyan Usurper Muslim in 2009, the US government has operated without an actual budget. Since the Constitution says those things must be voted on first in the House and...

During Fake Filibuster Senators Dick Durbin And Ted Cruz Derpbate Motel Maids On Medicaid

As we continue to sift through the fallout from the 21-hour blather-fest-drone-strike on the impending Obamacare of doom by Texas Senator Ted Cruz this week, interesting shards of shrapnel are starting to emerge. Take for example, this bit of...

Some DHHS Report Says Affordable Care Act Even More Affordable Than Expected. It’s Also Better Than Ari Fleischer’s Twitter Math

No matter how much Ted Cruz desperately tries to defund Obamacare with fake filibuster talks about spiffy black tennis shoes, or White Castle burgers, or his dad's dish pan hands, or even how much dead Dr. Seuss (he's a...

Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’

The New York Post, in its continuing quest to out-do its most obvious competition, has the scoop of all scoops from the Hillary '16 killer campaign machine. Huma Abedin has got to get rid of that Weiner she's been...

Forbes’ Randroid Columnist Tells 99% To Stop Whining And Help The Rich Already

Tuesday of this week marked the second anniversary of that little thing in New York where all those dirty kids squatted on Wall Street to whine and complain about being poor because they are part of, like, 99% of...