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Call The Joo Lawyer Cause Roy Moore Is SO SUED

'Don't take the law into your own hands — take 'em to court.'

SIXTY THREE People Arrested for ONE Bag of Weed In NOT AT ALL RACIST Party Bust

Bringing in 2018 with a bang AND a bust!
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2017: These Are The People Who Died, Died

Who's ready to get their in Memoriam on? Death makes us weird.

A Letter From Alabama On This Joyous, Roy Moore-less Day!

Now fuck all the way off Roy Moore!!
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Kill Us Now: Axios’s Mike Allen And Mitch McConnell Have An Event

Mike Allen AND Mitch McConnell? Are we in Hell?

Dipshit Local Rep Woman IS NOT MOLESTING YOUR TEENS OKAY?

While we're all still shrieking at the walls about Paul Ryan's shitty grinning tax bill O-face, and Sarah Huckabee Sanders's claims that the Dems told the GOP to go ahead and miss them with all that tax bill writing...

Everyone in Congress Is FREAKING OUT About Possible Rumored Sex Scandal Bombshell List

It's about to be all of Congress's time in the barrel.
And then he'll grow his beard back

Paul Ryan Considering Retiring, Just As Soon As He Makes It Impossible For Anyone Else To

Gee, stealing from the poor to give to the rich just isn't FUN when you have to WORK at it!
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Mo Brooks’s Prostate Knows What It Did

We are very glad Rep. Mo Brooks has such good insurance. Now we'd like it for everyone, please.

DOUG JONES WINS, ROLL TIDE, And Also, We DAMN WELL TOLD YOU SO!

Did we mention we DAMN WELL TOLD YOU SO?

Wonkette’s Own Alabama Gal Says Y’All Might Get Doug Jones In Your Christmas Stocking. Roll Tide!

COULD THIS HAPPEN? COULD IT REALLY, REALLY HAPPEN?

Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again

The terms of News Corp's CEO, chairman, and destroyer of all things good in media Rupert Murdoch's divorce from his pie-jacking, badass, third wife Wendi Deng Murdoch are set to be finalized in front of a New York judge...

Girls’ Basketball Coach Fired For Boobs That Are Too Touchable; Football Coach Fiance Gets High Five Probably

Today in "dumb and kind of sexist ways to get fired from your job because of Facebook," we submit one Laraine Cook, erstwhile girls' basketball coach from Pocatello High School in Idaho. Coach Cook, for a full 24 hours...

Michelle Obama Now Ruining White House With Foreign Godless Pagan Un-Christian Hindu Festival Of Light

Namaste! And Happy Hindu Festival of Lights, or Diwali, Wonketteers! Did you even know that Diwali is a thing that you are missing right now if you are not of the Hindu persuasion, or maybe Michelle Obama? Because Michelle...