Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

Scott Pruitt Is Slovenly Garbage Person And His Bodyguard Is A Thug

Christ, What an Asshole.
How am I supposed to be a good person with that nickname?

Michael Cohen: I AM NOT A CROOK!

We'll presume Cohen's tapes have far fewer anti-Semitic rants. Probably.

Armed Teachers Update: Are We Safe Yet?

Reducing the availability of guns? Well now you're just talking nonsense, mister.

Is There More ICE Fuckery And Evil Today? Is It A Day In 2018?

This isn't even close to normal. This will take years for the light to normal to reach.

Expert Multi-Tasker Donald Trump Still Finds Time To Sue His Way Out Of Taxes

Nobody has to say 'Don't ever change, Donald.' He's utterly incapable of not being a small-time crook at heart.

Fuck You Paul Ryan, The Pope Hates You And You’re Going To Hell

We bet Donald Trump is gonna miss him real bad, for sure.
judge dredd figurine

Justice Department Helping Immigrants Get Home Sooner By Ending Legal Aid

This here 'Justice' Department may need a new moniker.

EPA Guy Shitcanned For Deciding ‘Scott Pruitt Sux Donkeys’ Isn’t A Death Threat

Paranoid Dickweasel Is Paranoid, Dickweasel

Big News Day For Tucker Carlson, Obvs

Pandas might kill us all. Cell phones, too. Tucker Carlson has seen some shit, man.

Laura Ingraham SAVES FREE SPEECH From Liberal Stalinist Hit Squads! Hooray!

Conservatives are being silenced. That's why they have to TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

Donald Trump: THE FBI TOOK MY STRAWBERRIES

By the end of the day, Trump will be calling Robert Mueller a Syrian agent.

Mazel Tov Tammy Duck … OH SHIT THE FBI JUST RAIDED MICHAEL COHEN’S HOTEL AND OFFICE!

Congratulations, Senator Duckworth! May nothing overshadow your happy news!

Maybe Donald Trump Shouldn’t Have Handed China His County-By-County Electoral Map

When it comes to Chinese tariffs, Donald Trump is whining like a soy boy.
if you're not doing anything wrong, then why would you mind?

Department Of Homeland Security Wants To Keep List Of Journalists’ ‘Sentiment.’ THIS IS FINE!

Now don't go making up a bunch of fake news about this story, OK? They're watching you.

Fox News Graphics Department All Fired, Again

Sometimes we think the Fox News production team is full of trolls, is what we think.

The Towering Infernal President Didn’t Want Any Stinking Sprinklers In His Beautiful Deadly Building

Not exactly shooting someone, and not in the middle of 5th Avenue, but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.