Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

President Bannon Gives ‘Values Voters’ Jesus-Gasms Over Trump Murdering Their Healthcare

Some people have really weird 'values.'

Trump Will Save Puerto Rico And California Soon As He’s Done Writing These Terrific Tweets

Maybe if the wildfires and hurricanes said more nice things about Donald Trump...

Failed Indiana GOP Candidate Sends His Holiday Pipe Bomb Early This Year

For once, it wasn't 'a quiet fellow who kept to himself.'
P.S.: I am not a crank

Deleted Comments: Wonkette, Your Filthy Mouth Is The Best Thing About Your Reportage

Listen: Wonkette's deleted comments have come unstuck in time.

Newsweek: Other Than The Pedophilia, Mr. Hastert, What’s On Your Mind These Days?

Newsweek? More like News WEAK, amirite?

Donald Trump, The Wharton School Of Business’s Everlasting Shame

Rex Tillerson may have understated the case a bit.

Donald Trump Ends Obamacare Subsidies, Because The Patient Just Refused To Die

We're getting really tired of waking up to news of another mass killing -- this time by the president of the United States.

Trump’s Healthcare E.O.: If You Like Your Doctor, You Can Buy A Lotto Ticket

How bad is it? Pretty goddamned bad.

Daily Caller Puts Grifty Obama Admin In Private Jet JAIL! (For Spending One-Ninth As Much As Tom Price)

You know who set such a bad example for Trump's jet-set cabinet? Barack Obama, who also spent money, just not as fast.

James O’Keefe DID TOO Find A Evil Liberal Genius, Shut Up DOKTOR ZOOM!

Saddest. Conspiracy theory. Ever.

Texas Prisoners Donated To Hurricane Harvey Relief With Strength Of 50 Trumps

It's kind of a sad Nice Time.

Donald Trump Promises To Make Truckers Rich With Tax Cuts (If They Are Already Millionaires)

If they take enough Alex Jones Brand Trucker Speed, they will probably believe him!

James O’Keefe Goes Undercover at New York Times, Finds This Asshole

Why is James O'Keefe attacking this self-important confabulator? He should be recruiting him!

Donald Trump: We Must Destroy Obamacare To Save Henry Kissinger

Arguing that we can't make a war criminal pay more for insurance isn't really very persuasive.

Roy Moore’s Christian Crimer Son Caught Christian Criming WITH A DEFENSELESS ANIMAL

That boy ain't right. Neither is his daddy.

Las Vegas Police Might As Well Let Alex Jones Conduct Mass Shooting Investigation

No but seriously Las Vegas coppers, what the hell?