Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.
P.S.: I am not a crank

Deleted Comments: I’m Against Abortion, So I Wish You’d Been Miscarried. I’ll Pray For You.

We said bad words about Sarah Huckabee Poot Lips Sanders. What discussing pugs we are!

The Female Body Has Ways To Shut That Whole ‘Rep. Trent Franks’ Thing Down

We're not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens.

Roy Moore Accuser Wrote Date In Yearbook, So Obviously All Women Are Forging Liars

Shouldn't we just take the accused rapist's word on this?
Little angel babies!

DOJ Finally Investigating Planned Parenthood’s Fetus-Parts Yard Sales

2015's hottest fake news story is now a real Justice Department investigation.

McConnell And Ryan Boning Susan Collins (ON TAX CUT DEALS, Not Like That, You Disgusting Perv)

Susan Collins is being difficult again. Let's hope she keeps it up!

White Cop Who Killed Walter Scott Actually Catches 20 Years In Prison, So Everything’s Good Now

A white cop is actually going to prison for shooting an unarmed black man. During the Trump administration, no less.

MSNBC Rehires Sam Seder, And Attempted Ratf*cker Mike Cernovich Declares FLAWLESS VICTORY

A network comes to its senses, a satirical commentator gets justice, and a ratfucker thinks he's taught everyone a lesson.

Paul Ryan Cut Taxes On Rich So He Can Fuck Grandma Millie. No Kink-Shaming!

There's a reason Charlie Pierce calls Ryan the Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver.
When your only tool is a GE M134 Minigun, every problem looks like confetti

House Finally Does Something About Guns: Makes Them More Easily Available

The answer my friends, is always more guns.

Steve Bannon Yells At Mitt Romney For Avoiding Vietnam, Something Something Trump’s Bone Spurs

A candidate hid behind religion? Now we are truly shocked.

New Trump Labor Rule Lets Trump Steal Servers’ Tips (Some More)

It really is all out war on workers with these bastards.

Roy Moore Worried George Soros Going To Hell, If You Know What He Means (HE MEANS HE’S JEWISH)

He hasn't yet adopted 'Throw the Jew Down the Well' as a campaign theme song. Have to save something for reelection.

Roy Moore Manfully Protects Twitter Account From Doug Jones Reading It

Alabama has a real chance to not look stupid. They really should take it.

Tell It To Clinton’s Dick, Lindsey Graham And Jeff Sessions!

Would you believe Jeff Sessions and Lindsey Graham don't think Trump is obstructing justice? Whoa if true!

Ali Velshi And Stephanie Ruhle Literally Defenestrate Republican And His Dumb Tax Cut Talking Points

You come at these two, you best have your facts straight.