Doktor Zoom

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Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition). He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don't "stick." Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

Donald Trump Gonna Win Afghanistan War By WINNING! No Other Details Available

Donald Trump lays out bold plan for strategic vagueness.

Donald Trump Looked Sun Eclipse Best SEO Fucking Idiot

Oh good Christ he really is exactly that stupid.

Donald Trump Bankrupting Secret Service Like A Common Trump Casino

Protip: It's a really bad idea to treat the people responsible for your safety like you treat your construction subcontractors.

KKK Dude FREAKED OUT When Latina Reporter Turned Out To Be Black, Too

Poor oppressed Klansman never seems to get a break.
Fer one thing, its eyes are just teensy li'l things, and it don't have a hat.

Deleted Comments: You Mental Midgets Can’t Write A Headline Without FUCK or NAZI! LOL

One good way to not get called a Nazi: don't walk around with swastikas and torches.

Which Game Of Thrones Character Is Steve Bannon? (Whichever Character Just Got Shitcanned)

Oh, now we get it. The throne is made of swords 'cause there's so much backstabbing. That's symbolic. Also, it's your OPEN THREAD!

Tampa Can’t Get Rid Of Confederate Loser Traitor Statue Fast Enough

Ultimatum? Hell, they hardly knew 'em!
The Dark Knight has a lot of problems with you NRA people

ACLU: No Bringing Guns To A Free Speech Fight

Winning an argument with a gun is cheating.

The Navy Gave Wackaloon Pizzagate Guy Jack Posobiec ‘Top Secret’ Clearance. Was That Smart?

What the fucking fuck was this fucking fuckhead doing with a fucking security clearance?

ALL The Spartacuses ‘Confess’ To Murdering Durham’s Loser Traitor Confederate Statue

There are fine people on both sides of the bars. Your happy nice time OPEN THREAD!

Steve Bannon’s Florida Porn / Meth Palace Probably Not Your Top AirBnB Choice

If those walls could talk...they'd plead, 'Bulldoze me. Please just bulldoze me.'

Cry, Nazi! Cryyyyyyy!

Forget 'alt-right' or even 'neo-Nazi.' This guy is a Whine Nationalist.

Let Donald Trump’s Lawyer Explain You Why Dead Loser Slaver-Traitor Robert E. Lee Is Your Real Dad

Someone is wrong on the internet, and it's the president's lawyer.

Hey Stupid CEOs, Donald Trump Never Needed You Anyway!

This is Trump's best move since firing NBC from covering the Miss Universe pageant.

Baltimore Takes Down Confederate Monuments In Single Night, Like A Boss

Baltimore took out the trash last night. Nicely done, Baltimore!

New CBO Report: Nobody Knew Killing Healthcare Was So Complicated!

Here's an impressive thing: Obamacare is actually hard to kill without actually repealing it.