Dan Weber

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Dan Weber is a writer based in Washington, D.C. When he is not freelancing for Wonkette, he serves as a copy monkey at an ad agency and cranks out tracts for the never-ending propaganda war we call American politics.
Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day

We Are Now, As Ever, At War With Eastasia. Happy Memorial Day From Yr Wonkette.

Our traditional Memorial Day post.
Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day

We Are Now, As Ever, At War With Eastasia. Happy Memorial Day From Yr Wonkette.

We originally ran this post for Memorial Day 2015. It's a lovely read, so we decided it should be reposted this year. The Washington Post has pulled together a sobering chart that allows readers to determine what percentage of their...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Long And Fartknocking Road: A Sarah Palin Channel Retrospectacular

This is the final installment of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, a series made possible by a generous grant from Fartknocker. Relive all your favorite Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report moments at the Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Liberals Bad, Kevin Costner Movie Good

In the penultimate edition of the Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, Sarah Palin is pretty sure she's being silenced by duh, who else, "the left." Also too, if you need a movie recommendation, Sarah would like to...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go

August 1 is quittin' time for the Sarah Palin Channel, so the gang up in Wasilla is scrambling to move existing inventory. We've got three videos for you this week, one on gun rights and scary home invasions, one featuring...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is Your New James Joyce Yes She Said Yes She Will Yes

Last week, Sarah Palin waved a flag as white as Alaska's citizenry, as she announced her plans to death-panel the Sarah Palin Channel on August 1. But she is not going down without a half-assed fight, and this week,...

Happy Birthday, George W. Bush, Come Get Yr Bowl Of Salted Rat Dicks!

You guys, it is George W. Bush's birthday! He turns 69 today, hyuck hyuck hyuck. Know who didn't turn 69 today? Thousands of dead Iraqi and Afghan civilians, haw haw haw! Oh, it feels good to laugh again, doesn't it? Dubya...
Götterdämmer-grift

Sarah Palin Quits Thing.

This July 4th, Sarah Palin celebrated America by announcing that she is quitting the Internet-teevee-channel grift, because quitting is what Sarah Palin does best. In video and text announcements on the Sarah Palin Channel, Governor Quitterface declared that as of...
The Sarah Palin Farknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Nanny-Stater Sarah Palin Tells America How To Raise Kids Good

The Sarah Palin Channel has resumed its previous publication schedule, pumping out two videos (combined run-time: 3:26) in the last week. The first video, "Raising Patriots," features Palin telling hard-working Americans how to raise their own goddamn kids, because Sarah Palin...
Sarah's "O" Face

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin’s Empire Of Grift Crumbles Into The Eternal Sea

Sarah Palin has finally awakened from her long summertime slumber to publish new videos, hooray! We’ll get to the new video in a moment. But first: where has Governor Quitterface been these last couple weeks? Like migratory waterfowl before they...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Takes Summer Vacation, Leaves Fans Lonely, Confused

For two weeks running, Sarah Palin has not bothered to publish any new videos—and her subscribers have begun to take notice. In the Sarah Palin Channel's comment sections, they speak to each other in the tones of people who...
Yes, it's the same photo we used the first time. Get it?

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Vomits Pre-Digested Content Right Down Your Throathole

In the last seven days, Sarah Palin has published only one video on her subscription-based Internet television failure service, and that one video was a straight pick-up of a post from March, when America's hardest working half-term governor reminisced about how those "doggone reporters" almost ruined her...
Mommy is here to teach you about mountains, Bristol.

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes

The Sarah Palin Channel has released three videos in the last week and a half, and none of them is interesting enough to warrant its own blog post. There's one on a Social Security Disability "snafu," one that is...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus

The Sarah Palin Channel continues to stick with its two-videos-per-week production schedule. Once again, both videos feature Palin in front of the same backdrop, saying things at the camera that are either dumb or lies or both. This week's...
Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day

We Are Now, As Ever, At War With Eastasia. Happy Memorial Day From Yr Wonkette.

  While the editorial "we" is house style at Wonkette, we will use the less-pretentious "I" for the duration of this post, because we can occasionally turn the snark off, we swear. Starting now. The Washington Post has pulled together a...
Not like any clock she's ever seen.

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Stop Trying To Make ‘Hillary’ Happen. It’s Not Going To Happen.

The Sarah Palin Channel started Memorial Day weekend a bit early this year, publishing two videos in the last week with a combined run time of just three minutes 38 seconds. Both videos were clearly shot back-to-back, with Palin...